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Dude....WHAT???!!! Sounds like this chick has a whole trilogy of issues. What kind of person gives up their child for adoption (unless their dying)? She sounds like a real mess of a woman! You guys should stay clear of her.
Amen brother.......amen.06-03-09 03:06 PMLike 0 -
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it's church related - basically a nun came by to visit Shannon (they went to all girls Catholic school) and saw bob and shannon fighting and she reported it to the arch what-cha-call em's and they took the kid-06-03-09 03:25 PMLike 0 -
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First of all, a church cant take your kid (only CPS can). Second, they won't take your kid unless the living conditions are dangerously unfit for the child, there's drugs involved, the child is being physicaly or sexually abused, or mom and pop are beating the living s*** out of each other UFC style.06-03-09 03:29 PMLike 0 -
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Well, some people got what it takes and some people don't. Lol
BTW, who gives a flying s*** if this thread is hijacked? The OP is obviously not stating all of the elements in the equation and is seeking advise on a subject that hasn't been made clear.06-03-09 03:37 PMLike 0 -
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i only asked to thought on two questions sir.
everything else is a thread jack and i really dont care.)
1) would you personally consider that cheating since she is still married to Bob, but keep in mind the divorce papers have been filled out - just waiting on Bob to sign them.
2) Shannon wants my wife and i to go on a double with her and her new boyfriend - but i really don't know that i should because she is still married to bob....06-03-09 03:50 PMLike 0 -
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Wow, not to sound TOO sexist, but as adults, everyone needs to remember the time honored rule about relationships, it takes TWO. Relationships are never one sided and if they were, the world would be full of lop-sidedness from here until the end of time. That's just not how things really work although they might appear that way at times.
Bob, for all we know because we are guestimating, found out about the new B/F and CHOSE to move out rather than go through less than desirable legal consequences, like jail or whatever. We don't know. There's a whole other side of the story that we don't have. Not blaming the OP for lack of facts, but it's hard and wrong to judge a situation without seeing everything about it. That would be like (and I apologize in advance for the reference, but I want it to hit home) person A walking up to person B based on looks seeing one side of person B and getting into a really good groove conversation and then person A turning to reveal a side that was burned charred beyond any hopes of repair and person B being caught for a loss of words. The same applies here.
While i'm not complaining about anyone's previously stated opinions, I'm just merely stating that there's more to this than we know and again it's not the OP's fault for not knowing, how could he know? He's friends by association.
Looking back at the postings with regards to the woman, Shannon. If I've read everything correctly, she was in the 3-month mode for a while. What am I refering to? From MY personal experience, women tend to take 3-months to end a relationship they don't deem worthy of carrying on for whatever reason. First month is comptemplation, second month is planning and initial setup of exit plan and the last month is execution. My GUESS is that she got caught somewhere between the second and third month when the new b/f was already in the picture. Now, if my GUESS is anywhere accurate, "Bob" found out about it, and his anger and tolerance and gut feeling told him that the scene was not the best place for him to be so he moved out. Further, i'd GUESS that his continued growing anger is probably stemming from a LACK of explanation as to the 5 W's, I mean who DOESN'T want to know where their relationship went wrong? If you knew up front wouldn't you be more prone to fixing it on the spot and not after the fact the damage has been done? Lastly, i'd GUESS that based on the increased level of fighting, this quite possibly isn't the first time Shannon has done this or something like this with "Bob". The signs are there, someone's just been ingoring them or just plain didn't understand what was being presented to them.
As a parent, if you're staying in a bad relationship just for the kids, it's the wrong reason. You have to get right as an adult and parent so you can be right for your children and never make them the crutch that carries you. You should be the one to carry your children to their adult years, not them carry you through your mid life crisis. They don't have the knowledge or experience to deal with you. And sometimes even you don't have that, but that's where being a parent kicks in because you reach down inside and realize that if your child(ren) see you like this, and see the situation, they soon accept it as their norm and mold their lives around it and seek it or situations like it in their adult lives.
Sorry, didn't mean to blow up the thread, just a bit passionate about family stuff.Last edited by helljack6; 06-03-09 at 08:10 PM.
06-03-09 08:06 PMLike 0 -
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This is like the tabloids of blackberry. Sheesh
Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com06-04-09 12:58 AMLike 0 -
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Um...just my 2 cents...I stayed 20 years 'for the kids'; might not be the right reason according to you, but it was for me and probably others. My X2B and I have lived in the same home for 19 years; provided a stable environment in that home; offered each of our kids as many opportunites and choices as possible while not being in love with each other for a vast majority of that time. My kids learned the lesson that you don't walk away from family, especially kids, just because the two parents don't get along. My kids learned that their Dad & Mom did whatever it took to keep them in a nice house, well fed and provided for emotionally, psychologically and physically.Wow, not to sound TOO sexist, but as adults, everyone needs to remember the time honored rule about relationships, it takes TWO. Relationships are never one sided and if they were, the world would be full of lop-sidedness from here until the end of time. That's just not how things really work although they might appear that way at times.
Bob, for all we know because we are guestimating, found out about the new B/F and CHOSE to move out rather than go through less than desirable legal consequences, like jail or whatever. We don't know. There's a whole other side of the story that we don't have. Not blaming the OP for lack of facts, but it's hard and wrong to judge a situation without seeing everything about it. That would be like (and I apologize in advance for the reference, but I want it to hit home) person A walking up to person B based on looks seeing one side of person B and getting into a really good groove conversation and then person A turning to reveal a side that was burned charred beyond any hopes of repair and person B being caught for a loss of words. The same applies here.
While i'm not complaining about anyone's previously stated opinions, I'm just merely stating that there's more to this than we know and again it's not the OP's fault for not knowing, how could he know? He's friends by association.
Looking back at the postings with regards to the woman, Shannon. If I've read everything correctly, she was in the 3-month mode for a while. What am I refering to? From MY personal experience, women tend to take 3-months to end a relationship they don't deem worthy of carrying on for whatever reason. First month is comptemplation, second month is planning and initial setup of exit plan and the last month is execution. My GUESS is that she got caught somewhere between the second and third month when the new b/f was already in the picture. Now, if my GUESS is anywhere accurate, "Bob" found out about it, and his anger and tolerance and gut feeling told him that the scene was not the best place for him to be so he moved out. Further, i'd GUESS that his continued growing anger is probably stemming from a LACK of explanation as to the 5 W's, I mean who DOESN'T want to know where their relationship went wrong? If you knew up front wouldn't you be more prone to fixing it on the spot and not after the fact the damage has been done? Lastly, i'd GUESS that based on the increased level of fighting, this quite possibly isn't the first time Shannon has done this or something like this with "Bob". The signs are there, someone's just been ingoring them or just plain didn't understand what was being presented to them.
As a parent, if you're staying in a bad relationship just for the kids, it's the wrong reason. You have to get right as an adult and parent so you can be right for your children and never make them the crutch that carries you. You should be the one to carry your children to their adult years, not them carry you through your mid life crisis. They don't have the knowledge or experience to deal with you. And sometimes even you don't have that, but that's where being a parent kicks in because you reach down inside and realize that if your child(ren) see you like this, and see the situation, they soon accept it as their norm and mold their lives around it and seek it or situations like it in their adult lives.
Sorry, didn't mean to blow up the thread, just a bit passionate about family stuff.
They are both grown and out of the house and doing very well as productive, positive members of society. Our oldest is working at a job he digs, paying his bills and looking for kids possibly in his future...our youngest is serving in the Air Force, paying his bills and looking for kids possibly in his future. Both of them have had relationships but neither are in one now. Neither of them has children and both have expressed their deep concern over making sure they have the right environment to raise any kids they may have.
So...my choice may not be for everyone but for me it was the only way; be there for my kids no matter what.
As an FYI both me and the X2B are from divorced families...and our mutual motivation was to not do to our kids what was done to us.
Let me know what you think...06-04-09 04:42 AMLike 0 -
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Well I think I just found the Robinson family, no wait, was that the Partridge family? Crap I don't remember the names of all those happy go lucky slap the smile on your face for everyone else's benefit BUT yours family. Where's Joan, Wally and the Beav at? Don't jump my crap because your family did it, we're not talking about your family, we're talking about someone else's family and someone else's situation where things that you and your EX made the effort to avoid can't and haven't been avoided. 19 years, I can see why you were disgruntled about my posting.Um...just my 2 cents...I stayed 20 years 'for the kids'; might not be the right reason according to you, but it was for me and probably others. My X2B and I have lived in the same home for 19 years; provided a stable environment in that home; offered each of our kids as many opportunites and choices as possible while not being in love with each other for a vast majority of that time. My kids learned the lesson that you don't walk away from family, especially kids, just because the two parents don't get along. My kids learned that their Dad & Mom did whatever it took to keep them in a nice house, well fed and provided for emotionally, psychologically and physically.
They are both grown and out of the house and doing very well as productive, positive members of society. Our oldest is working at a job he digs, paying his bills and looking for kids possibly in his future...our youngest is serving in the Air Force, paying his bills and looking for kids possibly in his future. Both of them have had relationships but neither are in one now. Neither of them has children and both have expressed their deep concern over making sure they have the right environment to raise any kids they may have.
So...my choice may not be for everyone but for me it was the only way; be there for my kids no matter what.
As an FYI both me and the X2B are from divorced families...and our mutual motivation was to not do to our kids what was done to us.
Let me know what you think...
Whatever works in YOUR life, my statement was based on national studies, research, coming from the same background, 50 plus experts in the field that I interact with on a regular basis, you know, all the fact bearers, numbers crunchers and statistical analyzers, but really, what would they know about it?
Can it happen, sure. Does it happen enough, no. Lucky for your family it worked out to everyone's benefit, yours is probably one of the few instances where it does. Now with regards to what the OP has stated throughout the past three pages, it probably isn't in the best interests and that's where I was going, but like I said, what would I know, it's not my situation and I just crunch the numbers for the experts in the field.
Chew on that.06-04-09 07:47 AMLike 0 -
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Best statement up in here, so far. Another thing...you never really know what goes on in someone else's marriage. It's a very personal relationship. People aren't always (matter of fact, rarely) truthful about how they personally contributed to the demise of the relationship...it's always the "other person", or "women", or "men".Wow, not to sound TOO sexist, but as adults, everyone needs to remember the time honored rule about relationships, it takes TWO. Relationships are never one sided and if they were, the world would be full of lop-sidedness from here until the end of time. That's just not how things really work although they might appear that way at times.
So...to answer the questions:
1) Yes, it's cheating...and I don't even know why this is a question. You're either married, or you're not. People make things way too complicated. If someone asks you are you married, you should be able to answer...quickly and honestly. It's not a trick question, and shouldn't require mental gymnastics. Filing papers can mean a lot, and it can mean nothing at all...but it doesn't mean that you're divorced.
2) No, I would not go out with them.06-04-09 12:59 PMLike 0 -
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Wasn't trying to de-rail the thread, or 'jump your crap'...the thread meandered to a place where I thought my input would be a viewpoint others could use when discussing the subject. Since my situation is rare I felt it acceptable to let the thread know that there are some parents who do what I've done. Peacefully co-habitate with a spouse you do not love.Well I think I just found the Robinson family, no wait, was that the Partridge family? Crap I don't remember the names of all those happy go lucky slap the smile on your face for everyone else's benefit BUT yours family. Where's Joan, Wally and the Beav at? Don't jump my crap because your family did it, we're not talking about your family, we're talking about someone else's family and someone else's situation where things that you and your EX made the effort to avoid can't and haven't been avoided. 19 years, I can see why you were disgruntled about my posting.
Whatever works in YOUR life, my statement was based on national studies, research, coming from the same background, 50 plus experts in the field that I interact with on a regular basis, you know, all the fact bearers, numbers crunchers and statistical analyzers, but really, what would they know about it?
Can it happen, sure. Does it happen enough, no. Lucky for your family it worked out to everyone's benefit, yours is probably one of the few instances where it does. Now with regards to what the OP has stated throughout the past three pages, it probably isn't in the best interests and that's where I was going, but like I said, what would I know, it's not my situation and I just crunch the numbers for the experts in the field.
Chew on that.
Apparently you disagree. I'm cool with that.
I don't know why you would suppose a personal attack and a denegrating attitude towards my post would have a positive effect, but to each his own.
Your idea of 'playing nice' is considerably different from mine and as far as I can tell your 'wanton rampage' did more to derail the OP's intent than mine...at least I was making a point pertinent to where the thread had gone.Last edited by bumblesbounce; 06-04-09 at 01:54 PM. Reason: removing direct question, updating point
06-04-09 01:01 PMLike 0 -
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Bingo...again! Now, I'm very pro-family, and I hate the idea of folks divorcing. I think the greater sin is that we make it way too easy for folks to get married, in the first place. I'm in the wedding business...so I guess it's good for me, eh?
As a parent, if you're staying in a bad relationship just for the kids, it's the wrong reason. You have to get right as an adult and parent so you can be right for your children and never make them the crutch that carries you. You should be the one to carry your children to their adult years, not them carry you through your mid life crisis. They don't have the knowledge or experience to deal with you. And sometimes even you don't have that, but that's where being a parent kicks in because you reach down inside and realize that if your child(ren) see you like this, and see the situation, they soon accept it as their norm and mold their lives around it and seek it or situations like it in their adult lives.
Sorry, didn't mean to blow up the thread, just a bit passionate about family stuff.
I grew up in an abusive home. My dad was a drunk, and a wife beater. My mom stayed, and we both suffered. I wanted to help my mother, but as a seven-year old girl, I couldn't. Tore me up inside. Growing up with two married dysfunctional parents is not necessarily better than having divorced parents. Because if you stay together, and don't get yourselves together, what good are you to your children? No good, at all.
Praise to God that I didn't become conditioned to think that my family situation is how it's supposed to be.
**Update**BUT...it all depends on the circumstances. I was in an abusive household. I've never been married (and don't really want to marry, at this point in my life), but I think the vast majority of folks (today) don't marry with the intention of staying together, until death....even though that's what they promise to do.Last edited by Tlynnsmith; 06-04-09 at 01:25 PM.
06-04-09 01:12 PMLike 0 -
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if the truth was spoken on CB.com that was it.
**Update**BUT...it all depends on the circumstances. I was in an abusive household. I've never been married (and don't really want to marry, at this point in my life), but I think the vast majority of folks (today) don't marry with the intention of staying together, until death....even though that's what they promise to do.06-04-09 01:29 PMLike 0 -
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LMAO! This isn't a computer/IT help desk forum, i'm not required to answer direct questions here. Ask me a direct question computer related on askmehelpdesk.com and you'll get a direct answer.06-04-09 01:43 PMLike 0 -
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I wanted to tell you that your position is honorable (and right), but oh so rare! I think there needs to be balance, though. As I stated earlier, I'm not married (and have never been), so it's easy to talk...the walk is much harder. Maybe that's why I haven't married...I don't wanna be stuck for the sake of commitment. I would be one to honor my vows...short of abuse/philandering/abandonment. I'm too old for kids...so that's not a consideration.Wasn't trying to de-rail the thread, or 'jump your crap'...the thread meandered to a place where I thought my input would be a viewpoint others could use when discussing the subject. Since my situation is rare I felt it acceptable to let the thread know that there are some parents who do what I've done. Peacefully co-habitate with a spouse you do not love.
I know more than one woman who was counseled to stay in a bad marriage, for the sake of the children, and to honor God, and it was terrible advice. It depends on the situation.
I'm a wedding planner/bridal consultant, and the "american way" of marriage is not the way it is, for all cultures. I talk to folks, everyday, who have a very different take on the purpose of marriage. Some marriages are still "arranged" to some degree, and marriage is viewed as a means of strengthening the family and community, primarily. "Love" isn't the top priority, and definitely not of the "Hallmark card" sentiment. It's not as "exciting", but I guess it's safe to say that marriage isn't Cedar Point.
Just wanted to give you a thumbs up...I appreciate what you said.06-04-09 02:24 PMLike 0
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