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  1. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Ken's letter to Santa

    Dear Santa,

    I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes.

    In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning
    Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.

    First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment-the has EVERYTHING!! I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorise my outfits with an earring was my
    decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

    I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you considered :"Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of Work Actor Ken"? In
    addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as:"S&M Ken", "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken".

    These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open new markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can"push me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick that to the curb.

    Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations-we've talked about this issue before.

    In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blond bimbo from **** will result in action taken by myself and
    others.

    PS. Barbie can forget about having Joe-he's mine, at least that is what he said last night.

    Sincerely,
    Ken


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    Last edited by BigBadWulf; 12-24-09 at 11:10 PM.
    12-24-09 11:08 PM
  2. exelant's Avatar
    Merry Christmas and goodnight all.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-24-09 11:23 PM
  3. BergerKing's Avatar
    Bwahahahahahahohoho! Merry Christmas!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-24-09 11:28 PM
  4. LazyStarGazer's Avatar
    The language filters on this site feel that Santa is offensive.
    Case in point: ** ** **! (H0 H0 H0!)
    12-24-09 11:53 PM
  5. BergerKing's Avatar
    Well, that's why I did it the TBL way! Let's play BEAT THE FILTER!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-24-09 11:56 PM
  6. paddygirl16's Avatar


    OMG Santa was here. I knew I heard something go clattering on the roof top. I wonder if he got me anything? I swear I have been a good girl (sort of).
    12-25-09 12:17 AM
  7. ShiPanda's Avatar
    Merry christmas yall!!!!!!!
    Last edited by ShiPanda; 12-25-09 at 12:27 AM.
    12-25-09 12:25 AM
  8. LazyStarGazer's Avatar


    OMG Santa was here. I knew I heard something go clattering on the roof top. I wonder if he got me anything? I swear I have been a good girl (sort of).
    Santa was here too. He just finished wrapping presents for the kids, and had just enough tape to do it.

    Merry christmas yall!!!!!!!
    Well howdy missy Panda! Merry Christmas to you too!
    12-25-09 01:00 AM
  9. LazyStarGazer's Avatar
    Sixty two thousand, five hundred and seventy eight.

    Goodnight TBL.
    12-25-09 01:04 AM
  10. BergerKing's Avatar
    Merry Christmas, Shilah and paddy! Still lurking a little at a time. May ya'll have a great day.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 01:15 AM
  11. latin_teacher85's Avatar
    Merry Xmas from Spain! Woohoo.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 01:25 AM
  12. BigBadWulf's Avatar

    TBLers!
    May God bless all of you


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 03:30 AM
  13. exelant's Avatar
    MerryChrstmas!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 05:57 AM
  14. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Morning Mike!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 06:09 AM
  15. exelant's Avatar
    Hi Ed TBL is quiet. Oh well, I gotta get ready for work,

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 06:12 AM
  16. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    It's Christmas morning! HeeHeeHee, the Heb has it all to himself. !



    I'm Hand Javin' baby!
    WAPers do it With A Passion


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 06:25 AM
  17. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Why the angel is on top of the tree

    Not long ago and not far away Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems every where... four of the elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule....then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mum was coming to visit...

    This stressed Santa even more...when he went to harness the reindeer he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where...more stress.

    And then, when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards on the sleigh cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered all the toys...so, frustrated Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey...but he found that the elves had hit the liquor cupboard and there was nothing there to drink...and in his frustration he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor... he went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

    Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door ..he opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. And the angel said: Santa, where would you like to put this Christmas tree??

    And that, my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree...


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 06:34 AM
  18. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    The similarities between Santa and System Admins

    1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.

    2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.

    3. Santa seldom answers your mail.

    4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves make it for me."

    5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.

    6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.

    7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.

    8. Santa laughs entirely too much.

    9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your HOME.

    10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 06:55 AM
  19. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    What to give an optimist & pessimist

    A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist.

    Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

    That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

    "Why are you crying?" the father asked.

    "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

    Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

    To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 07:00 AM
  20. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Top ten signs Santa has marraige problems

    1. He's replaced all the elves with scantily clad Swedish exchange students

    2. Mrs. Claus calls him "that fat freak in the red underwear"

    3. He traded in his sleigh for a van with a waterbed

    4. He's been spending a little too much time with the life-sized Holiday Barbie

    5. His new live-in personal elf valet, Steve

    6. Mrs. Claus having cybersex relationship with accountant from New Jersey

    7. He knows when she's been sleeping, he knows when she's awake, because he's bugged the bedroom

    8. Lately, she keeps "forgetting" to tie her robe when she brings the elves their morning coffee

    9. Stockings aren't the only things he's been nailing in front of the fireplace

    10. Not a creature is stirring in Santa's pants


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 07:06 AM
  21. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Ten Department Store Santa Peeves

    Kids who refuse to believe that's fruitcake on your breath, not gin

    When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it

    Even with the costume, people recognizing you from "Crime Watch"

    Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids a swig from your hip flask

    That billionaire elf from Texas who won't shut up about running for president

    Enduring the taunts of your old buddies from Drama School

    Those dorks in the Power Rangers costumes get all the babes

    Kids who don't understand that Santa's been a little jittery since he got back from 'Nam

    Constantly being asked, "Is Rudolph gay?"

    Two words: lap rash


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 07:12 AM
  22. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Ten signs you're not getting a Christmas bonus

    Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future"

    The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial

    On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips

    What you call "my new office," everybody else calls "the supply closet"

    Boss's Christmas card says, "Don't let the door hit your *** on the way out"

    You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants

    When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under avalanche of stolen office supplies

    Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw

    In your most recent performance evaluation, the word "crap" appeared 78 times

    You're the starting quarterback for the New York Jets

    Sorry Mom, I had too.
    Ok, I'm not sorry.


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 07:18 AM
  23. chad177's Avatar
    nothing says merry Christmas like a good old fashion hang over....hehe merry christmas everyone!
    12-25-09 07:18 AM
  24. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Chadski!!!




    I hear tell youre doin well,
    Good things have come to you.
    I wish I had your good-luck charm,
    And you had a do-wacka-do, wacka do, wacka-do, wacka-do.


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 07:19 AM
  25. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Hmmmmmmm, maybe I should have said that a little quieter this morning.



    I'm Hand Javin' baby!
    WAPers do it With A Passion


    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-25-09 07:21 AM
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