Totally Off Topic Relationship Advice

You know how sometimes you have great friends but they are not impartial? So thats why I thought Id throw it out to you all and see what everyone else thinks.
I have a boyfriend, hes 40 and im 30. He has a son, Ive never been married and no children. Weve been dating for a year and a half and although **** make casual comments about "when we get married" he doesnt seem to be moving forward. I still have not met his son, he lives in an apartment and continues to buy things for his place even though we talked about moving in together in May and those things would be duplicates of what I have. He rarely spends the night.
So....I know this is little to no information but Im just curious. If after a year and a half you still dont feel like your moving in the same direction should you move on or stick it out?

I'd tell him just what u told us....and if he doesnt wanna put his $ where his mouth is, then tell him 2 call ya when he does that maaaybe you'll still b around. Sorry but I got no time 4 people that just tell ya what ya wanna hear - move on! You cld do better!

Im sorry to say this but you need to move on. after a 1 1/2 and you still have not met his son. it nots worth your time.. Find someone who will respect you and its not afraid to show you to his family and friends.

Honestly, its what Ive been thinking. Its hard though when you love someone. Im just ready to be married with kids and dont have time to waste. i wasted five years on a guy before this and I dont wanna do that again.

You need to roll on out, you are not getting any younger...

Ouch....Im gonna b 30 in the spring! But yea its time 2 bounce!

Just sit him down and tell him how you feel and give him some time to make things right. If he still hasn't changed, then move on.

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Why bother to sit down with him... if he loved her and appreciates her then he would have done this before. like Kanye West say in " love lockdown" dont waste time cuz life doesnt wait for anyone. Find a guy who can walk the talk.. not bs you! Good luck!

I say sit him down because I feel she should let him know how she feels in the current state of their relationship and see if he will step up and change. If he can't, then she should move on and search for better.

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I think it's a huge red flag that after a year and a half, you haven't met his son yet. Definitely alarming. I don't see how someone who promises marriage but hasn't introduced the two most important people, I would assume, in his life to each other, is on the same page. I know it's hard but I say move on...

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Sorry to say! He might not be truly single! And u need to move on .

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My wife and I have a similar age difference and circumstances as you and your guy, but it's totally different. My wife met my two children six months after we started dating. Then we slowly integrated our lives and she and I moved in together six months after that. We then married six months after that with the kids taking part in the ceremony. After the first six months, we knew we were going to marry and the whole time after that, we spent moving toward that goal.


You need to sit him down and tell him you feel it's time to start moving toward the stated outcome. It's been a year and if he wants you, he needs to take action. I worry that you haven't met his child. If he isn't ready after a year, you might need to move on -- hard as that sounds. He may not realize the status quo is not going to be good enough anymore, so you should tell him.

Good luck, you sound like a wonderful person. I hope he realizes it. :)

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I only say to sit him down because it sounds as if you do love him. I think it would help you make up your mind, not so much to help him. It's time for him to take action, not you. If he wants you, he needs to do some hard work to keep you. ;)

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Originally Posted by latinatwix28

Why bother to sit down with him... if he loved her and appreciates her then he would have done this before. like Kanye West say in " love lockdown" dont waste time cuz life doesnt wait for anyone. Find a guy who can walk the talk.. not bs you! Good luck!

I have to agree, I find it quite suspicious that he continues to supply his apartment, has not introduced the son and talks about marriage yet, no actions. Life is too short, make your move!

Ill make it really simple. When men are ready to commit you will know it.

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Originally Posted by artypuppy

Sorry to say! He might not be truly single! And u need to move on .

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I think you might have the answer there. A friend of mine went through a similar situation. And the guy was not as "single" as he lead her to believe.

I hope that's not your situation but as a divorced parent a year or more without introducing you to the child seems a bit long.
Best of luck

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The guy clearly needs time, the more you push the more he will pull away. In his own time he will introduce his kids, quit being pushy. If you cant deal with that then it's time to move on.

Hope this helps

One thing I have noticed over the years with friends that have relationships that seem to not be going anywhere, is that if you have not met the other person's friends or family, in the first year and you are in more than a year, you more likely than not, aren't going to. There may be reasons, but if he/she has met your friends and family and is still holding out, there are more than enough red flags to tell you it's time to move on.

Sure you can sit down and "talk" but if it's taken you this long to get a "serious" talk with this person, part of the blame needs to be laid on your door step. Hinting and joking about moving in or getting married when you don't know much about his life, outside of the time you spend together, shows he's not ready or wanting to move to the next level (with you anyway).

Also depending on the age of his kid, he may be doing what a lot of divorced parents do, and that's put their non family lives on hold, until the kid(s) are up and out. Remember even if you do get married, his kid's needs will always come before yours, so don't make him choose you or his kid, because you are going to lose every time. And whatever you do, don't get preggers thinking it's going to make him open up and spend more "quality" time with you, because it won't happen.

So unless you are willing to really sit down and have a heart to heart talk, about what you want, what he wants and why you are not part of his "other life", and really ready to hear the answers, don't ask the question(s), because the answers might not be what you really want to hear or pay attention to.

Asking Crackberry for relationship advice?! GREAT move!

I think it was a good call, and I think that the general consensus is right. If you haven't met the kid, it's time to go. You can give him one last chance, but put a timeframe on it. Make it do-able, like a month, but tell him that you are concerned and you want something to happen.

I understand and agree with what Vinnie said, but it's been 18 months and you haven't met his kid... That's an issue.

I gotta agree, you need to move on.

I can't imagine how you have gone a year and a half and haven't met his son! That is just ridiculous! I'm sorry, I hope you can be strong and move on for what you want.

Originally Posted by CipherDias

Asking Crackberry for relationship advice?! GREAT move!

Actually yes it is. You wont get a bias answered most of the time. They are stangers they have nothing to prove to you, so they will give you a honest answer.