1. Pete6's Avatar
    VATICAN CITY, ROME 1st April 2011

    CATHOLIC CHURCH TO BUY APPLE INC.

    Today the Catholic Church announces its total takeover of Apple Inc.

    Cardinal iOS IV confirmed today at a press conference within Vatican City that Apple Inc. is now a part of the Catholic Church. The Cardinal explained that the Church had long felt a synergy between Apple and his own organization.

    Apple is like a religion, he explained. Once you have them, no matter what you do to them, they stay faithful. He said of Apple fanbois and gurls. The Church needs to know more of how Apple do this. Hitherto we thought that we were the experts at grabbing lifelong attention. We do it with richly appointed churches and cathedrals. Apple seem to be doing it with overpriced bits of underperforming plastic and metal. Worse, we have to buy all the precious artifacts and gold inside our churches where Apple is actually making people buy their products to become the faithful. The Cardinal expanded.

    With marketing that good and a locked down user base that contributes 30% to Apple each time they buy an app, this is just too good to miss. He ended with. Its a bit like Apple turnover.

    Many in the Catholic Church now believe that the one true messiah is Steve Jobs. Much sympathy is expressed for him in his present illness. It is strongly hoped that Mr. Jobs will make a full and complete recovery to full health. It is also possible that he could become St. Steve. However we anticipate him rising from under a rock on the third day.

    The Church is hoping to help Apple out with its poorly performing Mac operating system because we have been working with icons for longer than Apple has been in existence. Why, some of our icons are actually set in stone. No mouse can ever click them down. Added one of the Swiss guards at the back.

    Cardinal iOs V continued to praise a new Apple product called the iTouch Kids that he felt would be of great interest to many within the Church faculty as well as very many of the children associated with the Church and within its care today. We also particularly like the front facing camera on the iPad II, as we see this as a major way of proving Catholic Guilt in young peoples bedrooms and therefore there will be proof positive that many Hail Marys and other penances are required.

    Finally a joint marketing program is to be announced along the lines of using Catholic Churches to sell Apple products to the faithful. It was not announced as to whether the products would be sold on the way in or the way out.

    A strong rumor indicates that the iPad will soon be renamed as the PrayBook and used as a service guide within churches. This product was shown as a prototype at the Press Release Meeting and the Church tried to demo an eBook app called the iBible but unfortunately this turned out to be Steve Jobs autobiography. A second book titled the iDogma turned out to be an Apple marketing document. Church officials seemed bemused by this but this reporter was not at all surprised.

    If you believe any of this then you have forgotten todays date.
    04-01-11 05:00 AM
  2. Frank2029's Avatar
    bad april fools joke... lol :P
    04-01-11 05:05 AM
  3. qbnkelt's Avatar
    LOL!!!!! Makes for a GREAT thread title, though!!!
    Very funn. 'Cept for the bit about Jobs' illness. That was rude, crude and tacky. Can't stand the man, but I wish him a complete recovery.
    Good fun!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    04-01-11 05:25 AM
  4. Pete6's Avatar
    LOL!!!!! Makes for a GREAT thread title, though!!!
    Very funn. 'Cept for the bit about Jobs' illness. That was rude, crude and tacky. Can't stand the man, but I wish him a complete recovery.
    Good fun!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    I thought hard about that bit but I really wanted to make mention of Mr Jobs. I had hoped to have found a reasonable line. I thought that I had done so. I guess it is kind of personal how one reacts .

    I too wish Steve a complete and speedy recovery. I would not wish his illness on anybody.
    04-01-11 05:56 AM
  5. cyantific's Avatar
    Comic sans?
    ravenlore likes this.
    04-01-11 09:23 AM
  6. qbnkelt's Avatar
    I thought hard about that bit but I really wanted to make mention of Mr Jobs. I had hoped to have found a reasonable line. I thought that I had done so. I guess it is kind of personal how one reacts .

    I too wish Steve a complete and speedy recovery. I would not wish his illness on anybody.
    It wasn't so bad. Maybe I was overcompensating for laughing so hard and good ol' guilt got the best of me!
    04-01-11 09:36 AM
  7. dcgore's Avatar
    Does this mean i can facetime my confession?
    04-01-11 09:41 AM
  8. slalom's Avatar
    ....i think Islam would be a more likely acquirer
    04-01-11 09:53 AM
  9. Pete6's Avatar
    ....i think Islam would be a more likely acquirer
    Maybe, but I ain't goin' there even for an April fool .
    04-01-11 09:54 AM
  10. valorian's Avatar
    Thanks for the post. That was fun to read.
    04-01-11 10:19 AM
  11. BergerKing's Avatar
    Oh, c'mon, I laughed at my diagnosis of cancer! I was pulling wads of hair of my head and saying things like "You want a piece of me?!" And "Hi, I'm what happens when you don't water your Chia Pet!"

    It's a stiff-necked hard ol' world, it doesn't help to take it too seriously.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    04-01-11 12:33 PM
  12. qbnkelt's Avatar
    i know....i plead guilty.....i felt guilty over laughing so i overcompensated....

    forgive me?
    04-01-11 12:39 PM
  13. SoccerRef12's Avatar
    Great Apple Fools Day joke! I passed it on to my buddies at BBTweaks. LOL!
    04-01-11 12:44 PM
  14. qbnkelt's Avatar
    i sent it to my entire development team....
    04-01-11 12:48 PM
  15. Elite1's Avatar
    Well done Pete!

    I appreciate the effort & attention to detail.
    When you stop and think about it, it is very poignant satire and a delightfully witty parallel.
    04-01-11 03:18 PM
  16. Elite1's Avatar
    Great Apple Fools Day joke! I passed it on to my buddies at BBTweaks. LOL!
    Just a tad shorter than the 1st post, but "Apple Fools Day" was pretty witty on its own too! Nice!
    04-01-11 03:19 PM
  17. Pete6's Avatar
    Just a tad shorter than the 1st post, but "Apple Fools Day" was pretty witty on its own too! Nice!
    Wish that I had thought of "Apple Fools Day". It's brilliant .
    04-01-11 03:25 PM
  18. Pete6's Avatar
    Well done Pete!

    I appreciate the effort & attention to detail.
    When you stop and think about it, it is very poignant satire and a delightfully witty parallel.
    Thanks. As you may imagine, some of the early revisions could not have been published.

    However I'm glad you liked it. Just a bit o' fun.
    04-01-11 04:58 PM
  19. Windows Winner's Avatar
    The Vatican is already super rich - instead, give the Apple profits to the poor like people who use RIM products.
    04-02-11 01:59 PM
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