Man Advice please help Ladies and Gentlemen

Boyfriend and I got into a fight he screamed and yelled and broke it off (after a year and a half, meeting the parents and talk of a wedding). Called my mom upset and crying told her I did something stupid but he was swearing at me and calling me names. Now...after things have calmed down we have decided to work things through. My family however, now doesnt want me to even consider getting back with him. I told him that because i thought he should know that im not telling my family right away. Now hes really upset with me. What should I do? *(And no going back in time and changing things is not an option)

Sorry to hear that...
Sometimes I rather not say anything to anybody about a problem that I'm having. It just causes more problems.
At least you was honest with him!
Just prove to your parents not he is not a bad person.

I usually dont say anything. But her broke up with me and was on his way to pick up his stuff. I was upset and needed my mom to talk to. I know it wasnt a real smart move but now I feel horrible.

Considering they are your PARENTS, they have a relationship...now go have yours. ;)

You should know better than anyone if you want to be with him or not...you two should both admit wrongdoing/apologize/make up, and leave your folks out of it. :p

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Yeah Hippo I agree. The issue isnt if I should be with him or not. Its that now they have this view of him and hes upset because my parents arent thrilled with him.

Ah, no one is ever good enough for daddy's lil girl. :p lol

...Anyway, I'm told time is a healer. So advise him to keep being himself(if they liked him before) and sit back and let the wounds heal.

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You have to tell your Mom the way it is -- and insist she respect your decision. He needs to do the work to get back in their good graces if he loves you -- you need to help him do this because you told your Mom on him ;). But I do wonder about someone who would swear at you, even in an argument -- unless this is something you both do. Keep an eye on him because that is a warning sign.

Thank you exelant. Very well put.

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Relationships aren't unilateral; and shouldn't be...especially when its one of the stature that you and this guy have. Learn to separate what issues should be contained within you and him to resolve..and which issues are better addressed w/ others involved.

However if its determined by you that the issue is one that should be internally resolved..that takes the participation of TWO. A issue that has to do with two people; can't be resolved by just ONE. Therefore it has to be seen by BOTH you and him that..1)this truly is an issue 2)that you two both have matching intentions/goals/approach for what is wanted to be achieved by dealing with the issue 3)that you both are sincere about it.

However if you do decide that an outside person(s) need to be involved...then make sure those people sincerely give two s***s about you guys (because only those type of people will be affective). So yes, family members are good go-to people. The only crux in deciding what's the best approach is that only you truly know yourself best...and can ultimately decide based on that.

Also remember that when two people are in a relationship; its not a selfish-endeavor that involves just you and this guy...its actually a relationship w/ you and his family; and him and your family. Therefore, when it comes down to it...many of your problems are their problems; just as your happyness is their happyness.

Love takes work; but shouldn't be seen as work.

Originally Posted by Hi-Definition

Relationships aren't unilateral; and shouldn't be...especially when its one of the stature that you and this guy have. Learn to separate what issues should be contained within you and him to resolve..and which issues are better addressed w/ others involved.

However if its determined by you that the issue is one that should be internally resolved..that takes the participation of TWO. A issue that has to do with two people; can't be resolved by just ONE. Therefore it has to be seen by BOTH you and him that..1)this truly is an issue 2)that you two both have matching intentions/goals/approach for what is wanted to be achieved by dealing with the issue 3)that you both are sincere about it.

However if you do decide that an outside person(s) need to be involved...then make sure those people sincerely give two s***s about you guys (because only those type of people will be affective). So yes, family members are good go-to people. The only crux in deciding what's the best approach is that only you truly know yourself best...and can ultimately decide based on that.

Also remember that when two people are in a relationship; its not a selfish-endeavor that involves just you and this guy...its actually a relationship w/ you and his family; and him and your family. Therefore, when it comes down to it...many of your problems are their problems; just as your happyness is their happyness.

Love takes work; but shouldn't be seen as work.

Are you a therapist?

Originally Posted by envied

Are you a therapist?

patronizing me? :)

Originally Posted by Hi-Definition

Love takes work; but shouldn't be seen as work.

Your so RIGHT about this!!

Ouch, never involve the 'rents till you've worked things out on your own first. As an adult, getting other adults involved in your relationship is just taking too much of a chance. Especially if those outside advisors have an emotional interest in you of their own.

I can imagine that your significant other is concerned about having your family on his back everytime something even appears wrong now...

Good Luck,
Dm