04-17-08 06:59 PM
93 ... 234
tools
  1. aoprods's Avatar
    I assure this would never happen at my house:

    Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress,
    are chatting about their relationships and decide to
    amaze their men....that night all three will wear a
    leather bodice, S&M style, stiletto's and a mask
    over their eyes.

    After a few days they meet again.....
    The engaged girlfriend: 'The other night, when my
    boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather
    bodice, 12 inch stilettos and mask. He saw me and said:
    'You are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we
    made love all night long!'

    The mistress: 'Ah! me too, the other night I met my
    lover in the office and I was wearing the leather
    bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a
    raincoat. When I opened the raincoat... he did not say
    anything.....but we had wild sex all night!'

    The married one: 'The other night I sent the kids to
    stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready:
    leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my
    eyes....my husband comes back from work, opens the
    door and says...

    'Hi Batman, what's for dinner?
    04-04-08 03:13 PM
  2. mzshey2x's Avatar
    I assure this would never happen at my house:

    Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress,
    are chatting about their relationships and decide to
    amaze their men....that night all three will wear a
    leather bodice, S&M style, stiletto's and a mask
    over their eyes.

    After a few days they meet again.....
    The engaged girlfriend: 'The other night, when my
    boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather
    bodice, 12 inch stilettos and mask. He saw me and said:
    'You are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we
    made love all night long!'

    The mistress: 'Ah! me too, the other night I met my
    lover in the office and I was wearing the leather
    bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a
    raincoat. When I opened the raincoat... he did not say
    anything.....but we had wild sex all night!'

    The married one: 'The other night I sent the kids to
    stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready:
    leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my
    eyes....my husband comes back from work, opens the
    door and says...

    'Hi Batman, what's for dinner?
    LOL! so true!
    04-04-08 03:44 PM
  3. JCINISTA's Avatar
    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.

    He's rather taken aback because he can't place where
    he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?'

    To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my **** with wet celery???'

    She looks into his eyes and says calmly,' No, I'm your son's teacher...'
    04-10-08 02:10 AM
  4. stephensr's Avatar
    A woman told her man...take me somewhere expensive!! so he took her *** to the Gas Station!!!!! LOL
    04-10-08 02:23 AM
  5. stephensr's Avatar
    A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.

    The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.

    The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.

    A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

    The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

    A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.

    The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently!

    Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"

    The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

    The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

    The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper
    04-10-08 02:32 AM
  6. stephensr's Avatar
    A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks directly behind him.

    Since St. Peter was standing right next to the man, he asked him, “What are all those clocks?”

    “Those are Lie-Clocks,” St. Peter said. “Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.”

    “Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”

    “That’s Mother Teresa’s”, replied St. Peter. “The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

    “Incredible”, said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”

    “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock,” St. Peter said. “The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.”

    “Where’s George Bush's clock?” asked the man.

    “George Bush's clock is in Jesus’ office,” said St. Peter. “He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
    04-10-08 02:43 AM
  7. flairbrtndr3's Avatar
    There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
    When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
    "What the **** are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
    "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
    04-10-08 02:59 AM
  8. flairbrtndr3's Avatar
    One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his **** in a vice.
    Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
    "Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
    04-10-08 03:02 AM
  9. flairbrtndr3's Avatar
    One day the teacher wanted the class to use the word definately in a sentence. Suzy raised her hand so she called on her.
    She said, "The sky is definately blue!"
    "I'm sorry Suzy thats wrong the sky sometimes turns different colors red ,gray etc.. any body else?"
    Timmy raised his hand and said, "The grass is definately green."
    "I'm sorry Timmy that's not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it may turn brown, anybody else?"
    Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher do farts have lumps?"
    The teacher says, "no why?"
    Johnny says, "Then I definately **** my pants!"
    04-10-08 03:04 AM
  10. flairbrtndr3's Avatar
    One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
    First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
    "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
    "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
    "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny.
    "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful!'"
    04-10-08 03:07 AM
  11. AbeFrohman's Avatar
    A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a pair of underwear made of Saran Wrap.

    The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."


    [ba-dum-dum!]

    I'll be here all weeks, folks. Tip your waiters.
    04-16-08 06:27 PM
  12. Kara81's Avatar
    Hello CB Users & Abusers. I've been gone for a minute but I'm back like I left something...

    Little Ricky is in class and needs to go to the bathroom. So he raises his hand and asks to be excused. The teacher tells him don't forget to wash your hands when you finish... Ok, so he goes to the bathroom and once he is done he realizes that there is no toilet tissue. He wipes himself with his hands and goes back to the classroom. The teacher asks him what does he have in his hand. He tells her its a leprechaun. So she tells Ricky to open his hand and set him free. He goes no he's scared and doesn't want to come out. So she sends Ricky to the principal office and he asks Ricky what does he have in his hand. Ricky tells him a leprechaun. So he says "Can I see him?" Ricky tells him, "No!" The principal tells him to open his hand right now!!! Ricky goes see now you've done scared the shyt outta him... ROTF!!!!
    04-17-08 12:30 PM
  13. Kara81's Avatar
    Here's another funny one...

    On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

    When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent!"

    In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to and for how long?"

    OMG, LMFAO!!!
    04-17-08 12:38 PM
  14. pooger's Avatar
    Wow he gave up sex for lent on their honeymoon? That marriage isn't gonna last long.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    04-17-08 12:49 PM
  15. Kara81's Avatar
    Hey, he's Catholic. She has to respect his wishes... LOL!
    04-17-08 01:05 PM
  16. lupster101's Avatar
    LOL!!! Good ones.... OK i got one;

    What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?.....

    "Get off me Homes"
    04-17-08 02:19 PM
  17. tiglathpileser's Avatar
    A woman told her man...take me somewhere expensive!! so he took her *** to the Gas Station!!!!! LOL
    LOL such a simple joke but hilarious.
    04-17-08 04:21 PM
  18. squiddaddy's Avatar
    Man come home from work to find his wife paking her bags. He asks "Where are you going?" She responds "I'm out of here. What I have been giving you for free I can get $300 an hour for in Vegas".

    So the man thinks for a moment and begins to pack his suitcase. The wife asks "just where the **** are you going?" The husband responds "Vegas Baby. I want to watch you live off $600 a year."
    04-17-08 06:59 PM
93 ... 234
LINK TO POST COPIED TO CLIPBOARD