1. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-14-08 05:36 PM
  2. Tigger1975's Avatar
    Smokey......my dear I love some of the things you have posted!!! Ya seem to have a twisted sense of humor which is awesome.... Pin me sometime!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-14-08 10:06 PM
  3. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    In this wold tigger you have to have a good laugh or u will go nuts!
    Talk to u later. Very busy today. it is 3 deg here in iowa and 100% ice covered roads! Yippee!!!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-15-08 05:23 PM
  4. Tigger1975's Avatar
    Be careful on the ice hun! I use to live in new Hampshire and it got bad so I know what its like! Anyways ttyl

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-15-08 05:42 PM
  5. pstereo's Avatar
    There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

    HA! i got it.

    (what? is the little things that amuse me.)
    12-15-08 06:06 PM
  6. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-17-08 01:11 AM
  7. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    SMART A$$ ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest: Smart A$$ Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Smart A$$ Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart A$$ Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart A$$ Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." Smart A$$ Answer #1:A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart *** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-17-08 01:22 AM
  8. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    Man
    "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
    Woman
    "Unfertilized"

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-17-08 03:02 AM
  9. teenie.iam's Avatar
    A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While
    they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the
    husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her
    here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told
    him he would just have her shipped home.

    The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife
    home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend
    only $150?

    The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three
    days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance..
    12-18-08 02:35 AM
  10. teenie.iam's Avatar
    Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leap, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping
    12-18-08 02:43 AM
  11. Tigger1975's Avatar
    Lmfao !!!! Nice..... Welcome teenie thanks for the laugh!!!!! Keep them coming

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-18-08 04:31 PM
  12. Tigger1975's Avatar
    2 black eyes

    it was a very nasty cloudy day out and at this big factory, one of the workers comes into the building for his shift and his friends notice he is wearing sun glasses and ask him why in the he11 are you wearin sun glasses there isnt one spot in the sky not blocked by the sun? the guy says i dont wanna tell ya just dont worry about it. no come on come on tell us said one of the friends. ok he took them off and there were two black eyes. the friend says $h!t i can understand one black eye but two? you gotta tell me how you got them. alright alright says the man, i was in church and we stood up to sing a song and the lady in front of me had a weggie (her dress was stuck up her a$$) so i pulled it out and she socked me a good one. well how did you get the other one? well......i stuck it back in!!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-18-08 05:30 PM
  13. Tigger1975's Avatar
    LITTLE GIRL IN CHURCH: "Why is the bride dressed in white?" MOMMY: "White is the color of joy, and today is most joyful day of her life." LITTLE GIRL: "Then why is the groom wearing black?"

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-18-08 05:30 PM
  14. teenie.iam's Avatar
    Lol thx for the welcome I love this thread!
    12-18-08 06:02 PM
  15. teenie.iam's Avatar
    A Virgin's Nightmare:

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

    Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

    At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

    A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

    10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

    The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
    12-18-08 06:05 PM
  16. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    Great stuff! P.S. Don't read these in public places. The people at Subway think I'm nuts! Well maybe I am!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-18-08 06:46 PM
  17. Tigger1975's Avatar
    Lmao this is nothing....I play a photo scavenger hunt on here and we all get some really messed up looks!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-18-08 07:20 PM
  18. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his
    mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
    The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to
    find him..
    The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and
    Dad doing?'
    The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and
    help flatten it..'
    Your wasting your time,' said the boy.
    'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
    'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-20-08 02:54 AM
  19. Hat3d1's Avatar
    12-20-08 04:45 AM
  20. Tigger1975's Avatar
    And the point behind this image is?????

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-20-08 07:06 AM
  21. Hat3d1's Avatar
    It makes me laugh, New Thread is needed..
    12-21-08 05:04 AM
  22. teenie.iam's Avatar
    Dear Wife,
    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've
    been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for It.
    These last two weeks have been ****. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had
    gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
    pair of silk boxers.
    You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
    watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, You don't
    want sex anymore or anything, either you're cheating on me or you don't love
    me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
    Your EX-Husband
    P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
    Virginia together! Have a great life!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Dear Ex-Husband,
    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you
    and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry
    from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice.
    And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
    with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just
    borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning .... and your silk boxers were
    $49.99.
    After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
    So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
    quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you
    were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
    Signed... Rich As **** and Free!
    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born
    Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
    12-22-08 01:59 PM
  23. smokeyjoe's Avatar
    Lmao with tears in my eyes!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    12-22-08 03:25 PM
  24. teenie.iam's Avatar
    It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
    The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.

    He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly,----- it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

    S**t!" said the Hypnotist...

    It took three weeks to clean up the senior center.
    12-23-08 12:12 AM
  25. teenie.iam's Avatar
    A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again.
    She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

    HUSBAND WANTED:
    MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
    MUST NOT BEAT ME,
    MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
    AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
    ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

    On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.
    "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said. Just look at you ... you have no legs!"
    The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
    "You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
    Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
    She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed"
    The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the
    doorbell, didn't I"
    The wedding is scheduled for Saturday..
    12-23-08 02:21 PM
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