1. paddygirl16's Avatar

    An actual letter from an Austin , Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine hygiene products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2009 "Editors' Choice award-winner" for the best letter sent via e-mail.


    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi-pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

    But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

    Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'


    Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull---t. And that's a promise I will keep.

    Always,

    Wendi Aarons
    Austin , TX
    Last edited by paddygirl16; 09-15-10 at 10:46 PM.
    09-14-10 01:20 PM
  2. MyMission's Avatar
    Must be a slow day at the plantation.
    09-14-10 03:08 PM
  3. syb0rg's Avatar
    yea.... they should so the guy happy, jumpy, and all getty .... that means no babies in future....
    09-14-10 03:57 PM
  4. highjakker's Avatar
    omfg! i laughed out loud here and i have customers wanting to know what the joke is! lol where's my print button??
    09-14-10 03:57 PM
  5. laurag84's Avatar
    That's bloody brilliant! They use that tagline here in the UK too, and I think it's the most moronic one ever. A happy period? Really? Definitely dreamt up by a man!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    09-14-10 04:34 PM
  6. tennislvr8's Avatar
    well it could be a happy one if you were worried that it wasnt coming but then it did.
    09-14-10 05:12 PM
  7. contender's Avatar
    An actual letter from an Austin , Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine hygiene products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine's 2009 "Editors' Choice award-winner" for the best letter sent via e-mail.

    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi-pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

    But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

    Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'


    Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull---t. And that's a promise I will keep.

    Always,

    Wendi Aarons
    Austin , TX
    a username with "pad"dygirl16 made a post about pads..


    Quick Question... Did you write the article too?
    09-14-10 05:17 PM
  8. paddygirl16's Avatar
    Eventhough I am a brilliant writer Contender, I can not take credit for that. But I really think if this woman wrote a book, it would be a best seller

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    09-14-10 07:14 PM
  9. LazyStarGazer's Avatar
    omfg! i laughed out loud here and i have customers wanting to know what the joke is! lol where's my print button??
    I agree, f'n hilarious!

    I'm going to forward this to every woman I know.

    And to every married man I know.
    09-15-10 11:57 AM
  10. wnm's Avatar
    Can't

    stop

    laughing!
    09-15-10 01:01 PM
  11. trucky's Avatar
    I think I know.... THAT woman...
    09-15-10 04:20 PM
  12. paddygirl16's Avatar
    I think I know.... THAT woman...
    Well its not me Trucky - I have "happy" periods.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    09-15-10 04:52 PM
  13. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Well its not me Trucky - I have "happy" periods.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    09-15-10 05:33 PM
  14. paddygirl16's Avatar
    Sadly Wulfy you did not note my sarcasm in that

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    09-15-10 05:36 PM
  15. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Sadly Wulfy you did not note my sarcasm in that

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

    Ya goof!
    09-15-10 06:12 PM
  16. ms monster's Avatar
    Texas women, yay!

    All women, yay!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    Last edited by ms monster; 09-15-10 at 07:11 PM.
    09-15-10 06:59 PM
  17. ShiPanda's Avatar
    Texas women, yay!

    All women, yay!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    agree my dear monster!
    09-16-10 12:10 AM
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