1. BatterdStarfish's Avatar
    Thought id share

    Subject: The Fight

    My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She
    asked, 'What's on TV?'

    I said, 'Dust.'

    And then the fight started...

    ******************************************

    My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
    in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes.

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend.

    And then the fight started....

    ******************************************

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
    slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
    proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
    pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
    weather would be bad all day.
    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
    I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
    whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
    My loving wife of 1 year replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
    out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...
    ******************************************

    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
    slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
    just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe
    it.... He was a DWARF!!!
    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY
    !!!"
    So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
    And then the fight started.....

    *****************************************
    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

    She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
    seconds.'
    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
    expensive...
    so, I took her to a petrol station.
    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
    Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
    verify my age.
    I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
    the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
    later.The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
    curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
    enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
    Social Security office.
    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
    disability, too.'

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
    staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
    table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
    drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
    hasn't been sober since.'
    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
    that long?'

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
    first.
    "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
    Nah, she can order for herself."

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
    horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
    compliment.'
    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

    And then the fight started.....
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    03-12-09 05:25 AM
  2. BookEE's Avatar
    And then there was this guy Joe, who thought he was funny but clearly wasn't. I told him . . . and that's how the fight started!

    Don't quit your day job
    03-12-09 07:57 AM
  3. BatterdStarfish's Avatar
    Ok, Starting the thread i put *thought i would share* Can you see that ?

    Obviously i didnt create this just made me laugh while im at work as im studing numbers all day. Sorry for having a sence of humour.



    Nice first post btw. Welcome to the forums (Thumbs up)

    Smh..
    Last edited by Joe-21; 03-12-09 at 08:32 AM.
    03-12-09 08:18 AM
  4. wnm's Avatar
    Great stuff.
    03-12-09 08:19 AM
  5. aadiawan's Avatar
    03-12-09 08:56 AM
  6. MzSweetyPie82's Avatar
    Hey Joe!*waves*
    I share your sense of humor these made me giggle
    03-12-09 10:26 AM
  7. BatterdStarfish's Avatar
    Hey Joe!*waves*
    I share your sense of humor these made me giggle
    Haha glad someone does.

    P.s Stewie for the win
    03-12-09 11:04 AM
  8. ginya-san's Avatar
    LOL very nice this should give me some ammo for my next fight lol.
    03-12-09 12:45 PM
  9. cdaiscool's Avatar
    Haha. These made me smile.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    03-12-09 08:09 PM
  10. Pre-dawn raid's Avatar
    And then there was this guy Joe, who thought he was funny but clearly wasn't. I told him . . . and that's how the fight started!

    Don't quit your day job
    Made me laugh. Try to get a sense of humor BookEE.
    03-12-09 08:13 PM
  11. Username0223's Avatar
    Hey Joe- I'm rofl!!! these were hysterical!! Thanks for sharing!! (altho there were a couple I heard already but it made for a great laugh!-again!)

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    03-12-09 09:20 PM
  12. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Alright Joe, quite funny. And bookee, great quip.
    03-12-09 09:35 PM
  13. MzSweetyPie82's Avatar
    Haha glad someone does.

    P.s Stewie for the win
    Stewie is the G.O.A.T!!!
    03-12-09 10:42 PM
  14. Blahzee's Avatar
    Chheeeeeeeeeesee!
    03-12-09 10:43 PM
  15. gdasilva16's Avatar
    My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
    in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes.

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend.

    And then the fight started....


    that one was my favorite! lmao!
    03-13-09 10:06 AM
  16. rosa109's Avatar
    Omg I loved them all they were hilarious thanks for sharing... Some people just don't have a sense of humor Joe but for those who do I am sure they appreciated this post.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    03-13-09 11:46 AM
  17. Yankez's Avatar
    I think these are great. Brought a smile to my face on what is otherwise a crappy day.Thanks for sharing Joe

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    03-13-09 02:34 PM
LINK TO POST COPIED TO CLIPBOARD