02-07-12 12:14 PM
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  1. BergerKing's Avatar
    Granted.

    The fine folks at Guiness, to reward you for years of loyal patronage, have answered your wish.

    Their craftsmen have made you a bier. Funeral bier, that is. Even has your name beneath the Guiness name.

    And now they intend to use it for you!

    Guiness employees are chasing you with a funnel and a funny pink bag with an odd-looking hose, and as their footfalls close upon you, in their thick Irish brogues, they. shout" Slow down lass, we only wanna have a quart with ya!"

    But you know your fate, and the smallest of them lunges, pulling you down like a springbok by a hungry cheetah.

    They are none too gentle, hoisting you up and they shove the hose in, pumping beer into you like petrol into their Minis. You scream in pain, lights flash before your eyes.... And they carry you towards the casket upon the bier.

    Is two beers your limit? Stay tuned !

    I wish she had asked for German beer instead.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-21-09 08:43 PM
  2. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    hey carol! aaawwwww.....come on - dont be a party pooper - - do share please!!! LOL

    you guys crack me up with this stuff--i cant write half this good-you guys have some imagination! thanks for the entertainment!
    Come on Pink, I was just thinking earlier how nice it would be, if you contributed. You have such a unique way with language.
    05-21-09 08:58 PM
  3. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    I wish she had asked for German beer instead
    Granted! She did indeed ask for German beer instead! She got all the beer she desired! Unfortunately, maybe a little too much beer! She drank beer day and night. As if it wasn't bad enough she drank so much beer she acquired a hideous beer belly...one night she got so intoxicated, and in her drunken stupor she stumbled into a tattoo parlor. She begged the artist "Please, Pease, Please help me hide my big beer belly!" Sadly, The tattoo artist did the best he could...thinking he had given her the gorgeous gut she pleaded for. But, did he?









    EEK!


    "One day I wake up and find her dead in her bed. I had come to care deeply for the woman who I was helping to survive, and her passing hits me hard, and I curl up next to her and I don't leave her until I too pass on to join her in the afterlife......"

    I wish something GOOD would happen to me in this Genie thread!
    Last edited by Carol64; 05-21-09 at 09:22 PM.
    05-21-09 09:03 PM
  4. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    [QUOTE=ItsJustShelli: hey carol! aaawwwww.....come on - dont be a party pooper - - do share please!!! QUOTE]

    Ohhhhhhhhhh Shelli, how I wish I could! But a promise is a promise! Jef would never forgive me! Besides, they are just way too OBSCENE to post here!
    05-21-09 09:14 PM
  5. Username0223's Avatar
    Ohhh ok I guess....I won't ask you to betray your trust against Jef!!! LOL

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-21-09 09:16 PM
  6. Cr0nichik's Avatar
    Granted.

    The fine folks at Guiness, to reward you for years of loyal patronage, have answered your wish.

    Their craftsmen have made you a bier. Funeral bier, that is. Even has your name beneath the Guiness name.

    And now they intend to use it for you!

    Guiness employees are chasing you with a funnel and a funny pink bag with an odd-looking hose, and as their footfalls close upon you, in their thick Irish brogues, they. shout" Slow down lass, we only wanna have a quart with ya!"

    But you know your fate, and the smallest of them lunges, pulling you down like a springbok by a hungry cheetah.

    They are none too gentle, hoisting you up and they shove the hose in, pumping beer into you like petrol into their Minis. You scream in pain, lights flash before your eyes.... And they carry you towards the casket upon the bier.

    Is two beers your limit? Stay tuned !

    I wish she had asked for German beer instead.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    damn roflmao and no two beers is not my limit can i haz moar?
    05-21-09 09:53 PM
  7. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    And, now, to get the thread back on track...I do believe my wish was next!




    Granted! She did indeed ask for German beer instead! She got all the beer she desired! Unfortunately, maybe a little too much beer! She drank beer day and night. As if it wasn't bad enough she drank so much beer she acquired a hideous beer belly...one night she got so intoxicated, and in her drunken stupor she stumbled into a tattoo parlor. She begged the artist "Please, Pease, Please help me hide my big beer belly!" Sadly, The tattoo artist did the best he could...thinking he had given her the gorgeous gut she pleaded for. But, did he?









    EEK!


    "One day I wake up and find her dead in her bed. I had come to care deeply for the woman who I was helping to survive, and her passing hits me hard, and I curl up next to her and I don't leave her until I too pass on to join her in the afterlife......"

    I wish something GOOD would happen to me in this Genie thread!
    05-22-09 03:38 PM
  8. cerealberry's Avatar
    "We now return to our regularly scheduled thread.. When we last left our heroine, she had once again, died in a hideous fashion.. but fortunately, carole is like a cat and is blessed with many lives..and now for the continuation of How the genie lamp turns"

    Soon after jef's passing, carol awakes from the egg induced coma. She sees jef's lifeless body next to her, but can only shed a single tear for
    the flamingo man who held her captive for so many years..
    She quickly rushes out of jef's aviary and returns to her former life.
    One day, not to long after, carol is sitting at home and has a sudden craving for a submarine sandwich.. She picks up the phone and calls "jimmy johns" within moments the doorbell rinds (cause they are fast, super fast *shameless plug*). At the door stand the most beautiful man carol has ever seen.. With the sun setting, there is a glow all around him.. His blond locks and red hat glimmer in the sunlight.. His teeth sparkle and eyes twinkle with each word he utters. Carol, quickly places her finger on his lips, and another sound is not heard.. She takes her sub and his hand and leads him into her bedroom.. Overcome with emotion, carol cannot believe that she is actually seducing this stranger. The delivery man quickly sweeps her off her feet and throws her across the bed..

    32 seconds later, he is off to deliver his next meatball hogie, cause he's "fast, really fast!!!"


    I wish I didn't have to go to iowa this weekend.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    Last edited by cerealberry; 05-22-09 at 05:31 PM.
    05-22-09 05:29 PM
  9. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Granted, you don't have to go to Iowa cereal, because Iowa is coming to you! Yes all 50 residents, along with 2 million head of corn, 150,000 head of cattle, half a million chickens, 68,000 swine, 5,900 sheep, and sadly not a single dang flamingo. Also along for the ride are the ghost of Patrick O'Connor, a miniature likeness of the Sergeant Floyd Monument, and a contingent of 1850's period Germans. The ensuing caravan clogs up the highways and byways from Des Moines to Chicago. No one can get anywhere, and word gets out why. Major media is at your doorstep 24/7, asking you everything from what your connection with Iowa is, to how many ways you can use an ear of corn. Your neighbors hate you, your state hates you and the corn is nervous, very nervous. In the end you realize how much you'd like to escape to Iowa yourself.

    I wish they would bring Hawaii to me.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    Last edited by BigBadWolf; 05-22-09 at 07:08 PM.
    05-22-09 06:54 PM
  10. ineedhelp118's Avatar
    Granted, you don't have to go to Iowa cereal, because Iowa is coming to you! Yes all 50 residents, along with 2 million head of corn, 150,000 head of cattle, half a million chickens, 68,000 swine, 5,900 sheep, and sadly not a single dang flamingo. Also along for the ride are the ghost of Patrick O'Connor, a miniature likeness of the Sergeant Floyd Monument, and a contingent of 1850's period Germans. The ensuing caravan clogs up the highways and byways from Des Moines to Chicago. No one can get anywhere, and word gets out why. Major media is at your doorstep 24/7, asking you everything from what your connection with Iowa is, to how many ways you can use an ear of corn. Your neighbors hate you, your state hates you and the corn is nervous, very nervous. In the end you realize how much you'd like to escape to Iowa yourself.

    I wish they would bring Hawaii to me.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    We have flamingos at our very sad little zoo in our very sad little capital. Here in good old Idiots Out Wandering Around.

    You get Hawaii but it crushes you and half the city killing hundreds possibly thousands (depends on where you live LOL).

    I wish I was at at home with my husband
    Last edited by ineedhelp118; 05-22-09 at 09:12 PM.
    05-22-09 08:54 PM
  11. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Granted, you are home with your husband, Richard Simmons. He is constantly on you about your weight, and is trying to inspire you to exercise on an hourly basis. The Genie has doomed you to your home, and the only thing that will play on you're DVR are his videos. The constant callistenics are torture, and if you have one more piece of fruit, well let's just say you'll be one unhappy Chiquita. Day after day this goes on, till one morning you both die in an unfortunate treadmill incident.

    I wish that Jef could be brought back from the dead as a zombie flamingo.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-24-09 10:10 AM
  12. cerealberry's Avatar
    I wish that Jef could be brought back from the dead as a zombie flamingo.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    That's is a beautiful wish, wolf.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-24-09 04:23 PM
  13. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Well thank you, thank you very much!
    05-24-09 04:25 PM
  14. BergerKing's Avatar
    Granted*

    Jef has returned as a zombie flamingo. Unlike the typical zombie, he isn't into sucking your brains out. Start the line with an 'f' though, and that's more his line of fork.

    Humming the rap tune from Blondie's Rapture, he begins his finely feathered feats of fevered fetishist fornication.

    His fuschia features are flaring, his passions flaming, as he flops and flogs his way through flocks of females, flips his way through the fellas, and fine feathers fly!

    But alas, the fast forniication has found him famished, and he fails to feast!

    Feathers fall. He's molting, he's molting!

    Can our flaming friendly
    Flamingo be forever forgone, or will his plumage pull him into a putrid puddle?

    I wish someone would give him some superglue, so he can put himself back together.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-24-09 07:07 PM
  15. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar

    I wish someone would give him some superglue, so he can put himself back together.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

    Wish Granted! Well...err...ummmm...kinda!

    Jef does get the superglue he needs to put himself back together!

    Unfortunately, Jef was never very sharp at putting puzzles together.

    Poor Jef now has not only one leg, his long flamingo neck is twisted and he can now put his head up his a$$.




    I wish my heart was incapable of being hurt.



    .
    05-24-09 07:31 PM
  16. Username0223's Avatar

    I wish my heart was incapable of being hurt.



    .
    **poof** Granted!

    Well, Carol, now that your heart is incapable of being hurt, by anyone at anytime--you have, my dear, become quite the cold-hearted woman to walk this earth.....the many men in your life are begging for a chance to be "the one" for you--and yet you still refuse. As we know it, men like a good chase, so you are playing the game very well, but little do they know, you will never cave in to feel the warmth of their love for you. Many of them gave up, but there is one, a European man, Phillipo - who is tall, dark, handsome with eyes as blue as the ocean, that burns with desire for you to be all his and he will walk the earth till the end for you...........will your heart ever feel again?

    I wish Carol's heart will feel Phillipo's unconditional burning love for her.........(after all-he is a hot european!)
    Last edited by ItsJustShelli; 05-24-09 at 10:39 PM.
    05-24-09 09:14 PM
  17. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    All right Pink! Way to go, I knew you had it in you.
    05-24-09 09:19 PM
  18. Username0223's Avatar
    All right Pink! Way to go, I knew you had it in you.
    gee thanks wolf!
    05-24-09 09:22 PM
  19. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    Wow Pink...really good! Now we know you have it in you...we want to see more!

    Here's hoping I feel that burning love..lol
    05-24-09 09:39 PM
  20. Username0223's Avatar
    Wow Pink...really good! Now we know you have it in you...we want to see more!

    Here's hoping I feel that burning love..lol
    **soap opera music playing**
    we shall see......as Carols life turns!!
    05-24-09 10:12 PM
  21. BergerKing's Avatar
    Pink!Pink!Pink!

    Alright, even though I just started a few days ago, welcome to the game!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-24-09 10:25 PM
  22. Username0223's Avatar
    Pink!Pink!Pink!

    Alright, even though I just started a few days ago, welcome to the game!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    thanks BK!
    05-24-09 10:36 PM
  23. RavenMaverick's Avatar
    Granted! Carol does finally feel Phillipo's burning love for her. Sadly he also has a few other things that burn for her as well!

    Carol and Phillipo quickly fall in love. They set a date for the wedding and have decided not to have any sexual relations until then. But, we all know how that goes! Who would buy a car without test driving it first? LOL!

    Phillipo does fine with that, but Carol can not stand it anymore! She begs Phillipo to take it to the next level the night before the wedding.

    After many refusals Phillipo gives in. Carol runs to the bedroom and Phillipo is dragging behind. She jumps into bed and waits for him to join her. He finally arrives and Carol is in full anticipation. She hears him pull off his shoes. She decides to get up and help him disrobe.

    She unbuttons his shirt and gets a strong odor of fermented garlic! She is confused but continues on because she is just so excited. She tries to block out the smell.

    She reaches down to unbutton his pants and dust with the scent of boiled cabbage comes out. She dry heaves and is not sure she can go through with anything at this point. Was this why he didn't want to do anything until they were married?

    Phillipo is standing there in all of his naked glory smelling up not only Carol's house, but the whole block. The dog in the backyard has heaved and his eyes are watering. At this point Carol's eyes are the only thing that is moist.

    He makes a move to get in her bed, and she all but slaps him to keep him from ruining her sheets. She demands an explanation. Phillipo has a rare disease. He cries out "I have Dust Bowl Cabbage Crotch".

    He begs for her love! She can not feel anything for anyone else besides this now rancid creature! She is at a loss. She doesn't want to be alone, but she doesn't want to walk around with a man that could gag a maggot.

    She falls to her knees and weeps at the irony of it. Could she ever learn to live with this smell?

    I wish Carol would find a cure for Phillipo so she won't be alone forever!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-25-09 01:34 AM
  24. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Granted! Carol's Phillipo has searched the world over for a doctor with a cure. He stumbles upon a well renowned physician from the Phoenix area, who seldom visits the Genie (slacker). It is he, and he alone who can cure this most wretched disease. Days are spent, putting the entire hospital and surrounding infrastructure in lock down. Jdoc does X Rays, CAT scans, MRI's, EBT's, Fluoroscopy, Endoscopy, Ultrasonography, Elastography and even Ballistic Optical Imaging to get to root of the matter. Days turn into weeks, while Jdoc consults with other experienced Cabbage Crotch physicians. They come to one conclusion, and one conclusion alone. The crotch must be removed. He assembles a team of nurses and doctors, all of whom have anosmia, making it much easier to function in such a stench. The surgery is grueling, and all appetites are lost. Finally after a 20 hour stint Phillipo is brought out to the recovery room. Never in all his days did he believe he could be relieved of this most dreaded of diseases. But alas, as he stirs from the anesthesia, he discovers that is not all he has been relieved of. How will he ever face his loving Carol again. Will she accept him as he now is, stench free and crotchless. Stay tuned to the next installment of "Carol Get Your Crotch" or "Stenchless and Fancy Free" or "The Young and the Stenchless".

    I wish Carol the best with her new found love.
    05-25-09 07:11 AM
  25. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    I wish Carol the best with her new found love.
    Figures!
    Thanks soooooooo much Kanga and Wolf!
    Maybe somebody will save my love life.
    lol
    05-25-09 09:22 AM
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