02-07-12 12:14 PM
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  1. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    WooHoo! Now the band's back together again!!!

    Granted, you have an everlasting gobstopper of a phone battery, and you'll need it. Every phone solicitor on the planet has your number. They call you night and day BlkBear. Car warranties, slap choppers, insurance, cable, escort services and someone who wants you to be all that you can be, the list goes on and on. So many calls come in you cannot ever use the phone to call out, nor can any of your friends ever make it through. Worst still, the ringtone is "It's a Small World After All", and the sound of that song makes it all the more maddening. Finally you are forced to give up on a landline, pull the battery, and use it to operate "other" devices.

    I wish I had some of those "other" devices handy right now.
    05-18-09 04:03 AM
  2. JustPlainJef's Avatar
    Granted, you have one of those "other" devices. Yes, one of those. Unfortunately, you enjoy it sooooooo much that you decide that it's more important than real human contact. You make one last run to Sam's and pick up the Vat o Vasoline, head back home, and lock yourself in the bedroom. Odd noises are heard from the room all hours of the day. You decline to come out, and family and friends start getting worried. Eventually, everyone has to leave the house and move on, but you don't care, you are as happy as a pig in slop... Eventually, you realize two things...

    Nothing is more important than family, and batteries don't last forever....

    I wish Wolfie had learned this without losing everything...
    05-18-09 04:48 AM
  3. cerealberry's Avatar
    Bbw doesn't loose everything.... His pet gerbil, matilda, somehow survives the "toolfest". Although a bit greasy from the large amounts of vasoline she endured for the last several months, matilda now has stockholm syndrome and as enamored with wolfie.. He can go no where without greasy little matilda following him everywhere. Because he has lost everything and everyone else in his life, wolfie quickly learns to appreciate his little friend's companionship and sews little pockets into all of his shirts so matilda can stay close to him at all times. Soon their relationship becomes much more than just a fetish fling, wolfie realizes he has true romantic feelings for matilda.. Alas, he cannot find any state in the union who will allow him to marry his gerbil, so together they continue to live in sin and lobby congress to support "man-rodent" love.

    I wish I had my own love fest thread on cb?

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-18-09 06:49 AM
  4. JustPlainJef's Avatar
    *poof* Wish granted.

    But everyone that enters has to do your bidding. EVERYONE. Man, woman, gerbil, wolf..... And it all has to be lovin-related... So no asking for car washes or anything like that... Check it early, check it often...

    I wish for a perfect steak.
    05-18-09 08:03 AM
  5. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    I wish for a perfect steak.
    Granted! Unfortunately, the Genie misunderstands you once again....and gives you a brand new shiny PERFECT STAKE. But, you don't mind...you end up becoming quite attached to your perfect stake, carrying it in your pants pocket everywhere you go. The only problem, because of it's length, it causes you to walk quite funny and you hear gasps and giggles and people oddly staring at you all day long...
    (Oh, and you know how mom always said don't run with scissors? I suggest you heed that advice with your stake also!)

    I wish that people would quit asking Jef that silly question "Wow, Jef, are you happy to see me or what?"

    P.S. It's so nice to see Bear and Cereal back!
    Last edited by Carol64; 05-18-09 at 02:46 PM.
    05-18-09 10:50 AM
  6. Cr0nichik's Avatar
    Granted. They stop asking Jef. and start asking you if you are happy to see them. Only they dont stop at all and you never get any sleep ever again. It drives you crazy and you end up in a nut house and on medication that only amplifies the questions over and over and louder and louder forcing you to slam your face into a brick wall until you pass out.

    I wish my boss was a mute
    05-18-09 02:56 PM
  7. the_sandman_454's Avatar
    Ganted but he/she only communicates using semaphore and it becomes a job requirement to never talk and never leave the boss' line of sight so instructions can always be received.

    I wish I didn't have to work tonight.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-18-09 03:57 PM
  8. cerealberry's Avatar
    Ah but alas, you must walk the streets and hustle some business. Don't want to disappoint your johns or upset your pimp.. And let's face it, where else are you going to wear that see-thru mesh shirt and bootie shorts?

    I wish I had a picture of sandman in his "work" attire

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-18-09 04:04 PM
  9. the_sandman_454's Avatar
    Granted but it causes you to scream and claw your eyes out, and starve because your stomach won't let you try eating after that. Anyone coming in to check on you has the same reaction to the image and it results in the eventual gruesome death of everyone on earth as they go check out why the apartment smells like decomposing bodies.

    I wish the world doesn't have to end that way...

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-18-09 06:51 PM
  10. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Granted, the world doesn't come to an end from the sight of your body, in that see-thru mesh shirt and booty shorts. The apartment eventually fills with dead to the point that no one else can fit in the room. The news reports have at half a million dead, but we all know how accurate they can be. I'm just not sure cereal's luxury apartment is quite that big. Concern over the decaying masses spreading disease however, was quite founded. Pestilence sets in with every known aspect of it rearing it's ugly head. People fall by the wayside in numbers such that there is no possibility of burying them fast enough. Fortunately (?), many high ranking government officials have holed up in a secret enclave. So the world doesn't end after all, or does it.
    I wish the sandman wouldn't haunt my nights.
    05-19-09 09:00 PM
  11. JustPlainJef's Avatar
    Granted, but now you get me. I show up in a spandex shirt and a thong and make disturbing noises all night long, and you can't sleep anymore. You end up losing your job, pulling out all of your hair, and poking your own eyes out, because really, I don't even want to see me in a thong...

    I wish this thong wasn't so itchy...
    05-20-09 07:11 AM
  12. cerealberry's Avatar
    Granted... Someone finally comes along and tells you that you are wearing it inside out... Silly jef! The feathers go on the OUTSIDE! But now you look like a 5'10" (ok.. Ill give it to you... 6') flamingo.. Before you know what is happening you are swooped up in a huge net and carted off to Mr. Wolf's Zoo of freakish animals and shoe repair shop. You are thrown in a cage with other oddly deformed feathery friends and are forced to eat seed and worms, while scores of school children point and laugh.. Even the old ladies who stop into Mr Wolf's to have their orthopedic soles revamped, cannot take their eyes off of the freakish flamingo. Seeing the popularity in his newest acquisition, Mr wolf decides that you should mate as to create other freakishly large flamingos.. He quickly wires to Yugoslavia to have a stud flamingo flown in for the reproductive session...

    I wish I didn't go down this sick and twisted aviary road....

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-20-09 08:04 AM
  13. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    I wish I didn't go down this sick and twisted aviary road....
    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

    Ohhhhh, but you did go down that road....and now poor Jef will have to suffer the consequences of your twisted, yet excellent creative writing skills....
    Just look at him...so embarrassed he is trying to hide his face in the water. His mating skills being critiqued by on-looking, snickering and very horny flamingos just awaiting their turn with this freakish flamingo named Jef....who quickly becomes quite "popular" in his new flamingo community.

    I wish Jef the best of luck during the upcoming mating season.
    Last edited by Carol64; 05-20-09 at 06:38 PM.
    05-20-09 06:21 PM
  14. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Granted! Jef does have the best of luck, for a flamingo that is. And as luck would have it, all the male flamingos confuse him with the females. Jef is in for the ride of his life, as every flamingo in a 100 mile radius comes to have their way with Jef. Lacking real feathers, Jef is unable to escape their pursuit, and gives in to their desires. The courtships are long and arduous. Feathers fly and so does the sweat. The heated passion goes on for days on end. Jef is left a gelatinous mass of flamingo love nectar.
    I wish Jef the best of luck laying all those eggs.
    05-20-09 07:14 PM
  15. Blkbear's Avatar
    Jef is left a gelatinous mass of flamingo love nectar.
    I have only one thing to say... Ewwwww!
    05-20-09 07:26 PM
  16. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    And what's wrong with love nectar BlkBear?
    05-20-09 07:28 PM
  17. BigBadWulf's Avatar
    Personally, I thought it very tastefully expressed.
    05-20-09 07:29 PM
  18. RavenMaverick's Avatar
    Granted! Jef lays all of his eggs beautifully! He is also stuck having to raise them all on his own. The guy flamingos find it hilarious that Jef has to walk around with 50 kids following him constantly. He does a grand job, and the kids all eventually leave the nest.

    Unfortunately, some elephants down the way have been watching Jef rear his children and really like what they see... In more ways than one. It is against all the laws of nature, but those elephants tend to like good "mothers" and are attracted to the specific shade of pink Jef dons daily.

    They have been watching him for a long time, biding their time until he was alone and vulnerable. They ask nicely at first. But Jef turns them down and Insists he is not a female, he is not interested and even if he was... well thay ARE elephants.

    They leave and plot to return. The next night the do just that. They catch Jef unaware and are upon him in a heartbeat.

    He awakens later with 3 male elephants staring at him eagerly. Before he utters a word he is made into a nice pink feather duster, broken in like a horse and doubled over like a double barrel shotgun.

    After all the festivities end. Jef walks away bow legged and snatched bald. 2 weeks later he is expecting again. 6 months later he can't even stand. He is ready to pop! He is ashamed and alone. Used and abused.

    I wish Jef could have the elephant babies with exploding in a flair of feathers and embarassment!

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-20-09 08:22 PM
  19. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    Jef actually adjusts to his pregnancy quite well. He lovvvvvved being pregnant and finding his sexy, softer side! He strutted his stuff everywhere he could!

    He eventually has his elephant babies without exploding in a flair of feathers and embarrassment. Unfortunately, due to the cross-mating, his wild reputation and the harrassment he has endured....he is shunned by his fancy flamingo friends and amorous elephant lovers....forced to re-join civilization and spend his life wondering if he will ever fit in again.

    I wish I was creative enough to be able to think up very tastefully expressed descriptions such as "gelatinous mass of flamingo love nectar".
    Last edited by Carol64; 05-20-09 at 11:27 PM.
    05-20-09 09:51 PM
  20. BergerKing's Avatar

    You have become a gratuitously gracious maven of linguistically lyrical language. You can describe things with such glowing eloquence, that you are now in danger of launching all who read your paroxysms of speech into unimaginable, and herefore undiscovered, sublevels of sleep.

    So subtle is thy writing, a menu order becomes a launching pad into blissfully mind-numbing slumber. Everywhere around you, loud, squalling snores arise from the artfully afflicted. You find yourself in grave peril, since becoming so woefully encumbered with this befuddling and becalming language, your ability to prepare meals has been surrendered. However shall you sustain yourself, if you cannot deliver a simple order?

    Thinner and thinner you grow, crying in hunger for a mouth watering mound of anything moist and delicious.

    Will there be survival?

    I wish someone hearing impaired and illiterate. would feed this fair lass.

    Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com
    05-21-09 12:04 AM
  21. JustPlainJef's Avatar

    CAROL!!!! I shared those pix with you on your promise that you wouldn't share them!!!!!!


    Classic.... All of it...
    05-21-09 05:01 AM
  22. JustPlainJef's Avatar
    I wish someone hearing impaired and illiterate. would feed this fair lass.
    Well I wouldn't call her fair for sharing the intimate photos I gave her, but...


    Since I'm now a bird, I can't read, and I can't hear well, so I take pity on the young lass who's wasting away to nothing, and we move in together in a small condo in Florida. Seeing as I'm looking to avoid the gelatinous mass of flamingo love nectar, I can feed Carol my unfertilized eggs. Every morning, noon, and night, it's a flamingo egg for Carol. I spend time each day looking for a new way to cook the egg, but realistically, there's only so much you can do to an egg, so eventually Carol gets sick of the eggs and stops eating... One day I wake up and find her dead in her bed. I had come to care deeply for the woman who I was helping to survive, and her passing hits me hard, and I curl up next to her and I don't leave her until I too pass on to join her in the afterlife......

    I wish we didn't have to die...
    05-21-09 05:08 AM
  23. Cr0nichik's Avatar
    Granted...you never die. you live forever as you watch all those around you that you care so much about die. one by one. you suffer in agony at the loss of your loved ones that you try to commit suicide but you fail repeatedly. you now look hideous from your failed attempts and no man or woman will look at you in any type of sexual way. so you spend all of eternity with no companionship and no lovers. you are just one lonely soul

    i wish i had beer (guiness preferably)
    05-21-09 02:42 PM
  24. -FeistyCJ-'s Avatar
    Well I wouldn't call her fair for sharing the intimate photos I gave her, but...
    LOL...Now, Jef, don't be silly! Yes, I showed one of the photos you sent me, but I have yet to show the really intimate ones.....YET.
    05-21-09 08:30 PM
  25. Username0223's Avatar
    LOL...Now, Jef, don't be silly! Yes, I showed one of the photos you sent me, but I have yet to show the really intimate ones.....YET.
    hey carol! aaawwwww.....come on - dont be a party pooper - - do share please!!! LOL

    you guys crack me up with this stuff--i cant write half this good-you guys have some imagination! thanks for the entertainment!
    05-21-09 08:34 PM
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