[the_sandman_454]

Granted, but instead of the trash actually becoming valuable, your attitude simply changes towards the trash. You now go around trying to save your beloved "treasure" from the garbage collector and you store it all in your home.

I wish humor could be used as a weapon.

[middbrew]

Granted, you are now serving 5 to 10 for telling a joke.

I wish I could attend the Super Bowl this year.

[Blkbear]

I wish I could attend the Super Bowl this year.

Granted, you have front row seats for the 2012 Super Bowl! Congrats! Only when you are whisked away in the limo with 20 of your best friends, you notice the limo drives past the stadium and pulls up in font of a bowling alley. Yup you guessed it this place is called the Super Bowl, and they are hosting the annual Soup and Bowl, Super Bowl Extravaganza! And as luck would have it all the big screen tvs were removed to make room for decorations, and once inside they lock the doors.

I wish I had a bigger tablet.

[cntrydncr223]

Granted, but it cost everything in your bank account and it's already outdated....

I wish I had a maid.

[trucky]

Helga, your new maid, does not like how you do things and is constantly re-arranging your underwear, forcing you to spend inordinate amounts of time looking each morning for your spandex speedo. She also doesn't approve of your GF and makes sure to place her 342 pounds between each of you at every opportunity.

I wish Helga would leave me alone and go find a job somewhere else.

[cntrydncr223]

Helga, who just left for a higher paying salary, left you with dirty dishes, mountains of laundry, a filthy car, unpaid bills and a crying toddler.

I wish I had a drink.

[the_sandman_454]

Granted, but someone ordered you a hemlock on the rocks.

I wish I didn't have to be poisoned ever.

[cntrydncr223]

Granted, but those gunshot wounds are very painful and hard to heal...

I wish my dog wasn't 11 years old.

[Blkbear]

I wish my dog wasn't 11 years old.

Granted you are now the proud owner of two one month old puppies that are into the watery poopy stage, and eat everything to keep it going. Happy tails again!


I wish I had more time to goof off.

[cntrydncr223]

Granted you are now the proud owner of two one month old puppies that are into the watery poopy stage, and eat everything to keep it going. Happy tails again!


I wish I had more time to goof off.

Granted. But now that you're out of a job, divorced and your kids don't speak to you, you're very lonely and too broke to go out anywhere.

I wish I had bionic vision.

[Blkbear]

I wish I had bionic vision.

Granted, but everyone around you gets sick and tired of you yelling "Go Go Gadget EYES!", only to see a pair of magnifying glasses pop up in front of your eyes, like something out of a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

I wish Superman was my best buddy!

[cntrydncr223]

Granted, but he's so busy saving the world, you don't have much time to spend together and when you do, all the girls are always after HIM.

I wish I had a perfect body.

[cerealberry]

Granted... You have a perfect equalateral triangle body. Freak of nature, sure. But as roadside attraction at "Uncle Timmeh's house of wonder", you are a big star.. You get to room with the nitrolady.. The most gaseous woman in the world. And of course chim-chim the � ape- � man, does take a shine to you and your geometric shape.

I wish uncle timmeh's house of wonders would roll into my town..

[cntrydncr223]

Granted... You have a perfect equalateral triangle body. Freak of nature, sure. But as roadside attraction at "Uncle Timmeh's house of wonder", you are a big star.. You get to room with the nitrolady.. The most gaseous woman in the world. And of course chim-chim the � ape- � man, does take a shine to you and your geometric shape.

I wish uncle timmeh's house of wonders would roll into my town..

Granted... Here he comes, rolling in with his parade of elephants, circus clowns, zoo keepers, tight rope artists, ticket takers, set up crew, the animal farm, sideshows and food folks ~ the whole she-bang. Problems is, they're all littering the streets and sidewalks, knocking down road signs, and generally destroying the hood. And you're in charge of the clean up committee... So instead of enjoying they show, you've got a whole week's worth of clean up to do, and a press confernece scheduled to apologize to the comminity on his behalf....

I wish I owned RIM...

[Blkbear]

I wish I owned RIM...

Granted, you are the new owner of RIM (Really Ignorant Monkeys), and they have all just escaped, and the city is charging you millions for the damage they are doing to the city and surrounding townships. Btw they (the monkeys) have to be crack throwing experts, and they never miss.

I wish I had more time off tomorrow.

[cntrydncr223]

Granted. But your wife has a long list of chores for you to accomplish, which includes taking down xmas decorations, haulig the tree off, mowing the lawn (you live in a warm climate), and washing both cars. Because of all that, and time you need to spend with your 5 kids helping them with homework, you don't have time or energy to spend with your girlfriend (who's threatening to call your wife and blow the whistle if you don't show us THIS TIME...)

I wish there were no diseases...

[Blkbear]

I wish there were no diseases...

Granted there are no more diseases, that is the good news.

The bad news is, there are no more diseases, because you are the new, last and ONLY host for every single one of them. Let's just say due to your new ... er conditions, you are no longer allowed outside... it scares the children and causes dogs to bark and growl. Oh and the crows.... damn it the CROWS!!!!

So please stay inside. Don't make us use the nail gun on your doors and windows.

II wish that Maui was a little closer to home. A short walk in fact.

[cntrydncr223]

LOL ~ very cute.

BAM!! You LIVE in Maui. But you miss your home terribly. You spend all your time on the computer writing emails, video chatting, sending snail mail, phoning your family and dressing up your psydo family of dolls to look like them. In fact, you even fight with them as though they were the real deal. You're so obsessed that you don't eat, shower or go anywhere. This behaviour only lasted for about 6 months and the "real" locals thought you were "loco in la cabesa" (ya, I know it's spanish, so what?) and they locked you away in a padded cell in the long term sanitarium for the hopeless. So, "welcome to the hotel california" and I'm really glad you love it here in Maui, cuz "you can never leave".

I wish I were on a world cruise...

[jlb21]

Granted, but you sail on Costa....it doesn't end so well.....

I wish there was a KISS cruise every day!

[cntrydncr223]

Granted, but the barge is also full of unsupervised children...

I wish technology was easier...

[Blkbear]

I wish technology was easier...

Granted, but you are now a VERY hairy man, testing out the LATEST in Automatic Hot Waxing machines. Starting for the Strip and Rip 5000. Oh the pain, the pain...

I wish my tax return would get here faster!

[cntrydncr223]

LMAO!!!

Granted. But the IRS and your ex-wife's attorney have been spying your account as of late. Sadly, they'll get their share first, and you'll be even more in debt than you are now! At least that'll get 'em off you tail. Don't know what ta tell ya about the CIA, FBI, NSA and all the other acronyms out there...

I wish I didn't have to work for a living.

[cerealberry]

Granted... But you know what they say "no work all day, makes jack a lazy boy". You fill your hours laying on the couch, eating pringles and watching infomercials... You are on a first name basis with the ups driver who must let himself in to drop off box after box filled with slankets, pajamajeans, the dice-o-matic and other fine ronco products that you order... With each day that passes your muscles atrophy as your bank account depletes...fortunately you have plenty of cardboard from your many purchases to fashion a hut under a bridge when you are finally evicted....

I wish i could find my zen place when I meditate during yoga.

[Blkbear]

I wish i could find my zen place when I meditate during yoga.

Granted, and due to the sizable hole in your yoga shorts, and your current position, everyone around you has spied your zen place as well, in fact they can see Paris, they can see France, that can see all the way to China!

I wish I had a ticket to the super bowl!

[cntrydncr223]

Granted, but you dressed all in Patriots gear... and the rumble is a'comin'...

I wish I won the powerball.