[cerealberry]

Dang censors... From the aech, eee, double tooth picks of .....

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[middbrew]

Granted. Your Knight in Shinning Armour comes riding into Springfield on the most grand steed humankind has ever seen. He swoops you up and takes you away to the most beautiful paradise you will ever see. However, That shinny armour has a small piace of rust that cuts you and gives you Tetanus. After a month of agony and pain you die.

I wish people would stop texting and driving at the same time.

[SCrid2000]

Granted. Everyone will now drive and put makeup on.

I wish I had a working 88 inch plasma screen TV with every known channel and every known and unknown video game system connected to it.

[the_sandman_454]

Granted. Everyone will now drive and put makeup on.

I wish I had a working 88 inch plasma screen TV with every known channel and every known and unknown video game system connected to it.

Granted but earth's magnetic field suddenly reverses shortly after your electronic goodies arrive and they are all fried in the process.

I wish I had a compass already for when the magnetic field reverses, because that would be handy.

[jlb21]

Granted, but the compass only works on a remote island that is inhabited by Others.

I wish people wouldn't take advantage of my forgetting to put in a wish, especially given that I had stepped away to go to a meeting.

[highjakker]

granted. now everyone will just make fun of your new manbewbs.


i wish i could trademark ".com"

[SCrid2000]

Granted. As a result, all companies with any online precense move to China, which doesn't recognize your trademark rights. The economies of the US, Canada, and the UK collapse, and we all become serfs in the Chinese hierarchy. Thanks, jack-wipe

I wish I had a winning power ball ticket.

[middbrew]

I wish people wouldn't take advantage of my forgetting to put in a wish, especially given that I had stepped away to go to a meeting.

Sorry man. I just couldn't help myself. I really thought I was helping.

Granted. As a result, all companies with any online precense move to China, which doesn't recognize your trademark rights. The economies of the US, Canada, and the UK collapse, and we all become serfs in the Chinese hierarchy. Thanks, jack-wipe

I wish I had a winning power ball ticket.

Granted. You win the power ball and take out a huge loan ($100 million) to buy somethings to tide you over until you can turn it in. By the time you do turn it in you find out there was a glitch in the system and everyone who bought a ticket also has the winning ticket and you now have to repay the loan on your measly student loans.

I wish the stars out tonight weren't hidden by clouds.

[BigBadWulf]

Granted

Rosie comes by, and Lord knows there's not a cloud that could possibly conceil all of her. She talks on for hours, while emptying your fridge. Finally, in a fit of despiration you send her out for pizza, and move.

I wish there were more hours left of my Saturday.

[SCrid2000]

Granted. As soon as your Saturday hours are increased, you're called into work. You cannot refuse without being fired.

I wish it was sunny outside.

[cerealberry]

Granted..... The clouds clear.... The sun rises high in the east.. It is the most magnificent saturday utah has seen in 50 yrs. 68 degrees, soft breeze. Birds chirping. Daffodils starting to poke their heads out of the ground... Bunnies playing... Amazing day... Too bad you forgot about that huge paper that is due monday at 8am.... And are forced to spemd the entire day in the basement of the library.... Ps.. Tomorrows forcast calls for sever storms....


I wish I had more will power

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[middbrew]

Granted..... The clouds clear.... The sun rises high in the east.. It is the most magnificent saturday utah has seen in 50 yrs. 68 degrees, soft breeze. Birds chirping. Daffodils starting to poke their heads out of the ground... Bunnies playing... Amazing day... Too bad you forgot about that huge paper that is due monday at 8am.... And are forced to spemd the entire day in the basement of the library.... Ps.. Tomorrows forcast calls for sever storms....


I wish I had more will power

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Granted. Mr. Will Power comes to live with you and eats everything you have. Because of this he becomes an 800 lb man living in your living room that you need to spend all day caring for. This includes feeding and bathing which is very gross.

I wish the tsunami didn't do so much damage to Japan.

[SCrid2000]

No fair! There's no way to put a spin on that one without sounding like a complete jack-off
Edit: Lol, j e r k is *ed out, so I had to change it to jack.

I wish I had a big plate of **** chicken.

[middbrew]

Sorry, that wasn't fair.

Granted. You have a big plate of **** chicken. However it isn't cooked and you have to eat raw chicken with all the feathers still on it.

I wish I could set the land speed record riding a motorcycle.

[SCrid2000]

Granted, you set a land speed record. But at that speed, brakes aren't going to do you much good. And that wall is getting awfully close...

I wish someone would cook this chicken.

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[highjakker]

granted. paula dean comes to your house and cooks your chicken with her world famous southern fried chicken recipe but after it's all done she and her crew chow down and leave you the bones and gristle.

i wish i had some paula dean's fried chicken.

[SCrid2000]

Granted. Also granted: Paula Deen's wish for you.

I wish I had a mint 1967 Shelby GT 500 (a real one, not a model).

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[highjakker]

granted. it's a life-sized chocolate mint one!


i wish i found $100 million in new 100 dollar bills.

[the_sandman_454]

granted. it's a life-sized chocolate mint one!


i wish i found $100 million in new 100 dollar bills.

Granted, but the government arrests you for trumped up drug charges in order to confiscate the money to help ease budget issues...

I wish I couldn't lose at Monopoly

[highjakker]

granted. you win every monopoly game you enter but as soon as you decide to go pro- everyone stops playing and this sudden change plummets you into depression and you can't go past go nor collect any moolah.


i wish i had a real money-tree in my yard that grew denominations of 20s, 50s and 100s!

[jlb21]

Granted. But you didn't fertilize well so the tree only lives for 1 day.

I wish I had a cool job like Jeff Probst!

[highjakker]

granted but you soon become caught in a secks scandal with an intern nad get sued by "him" and lose your cool job.


i wish i had LSG's 8 patty econo-baconator!

[middbrew]

Granted. But you do realize since he has already eaten it you will have to wait for it to pass through his digestive system.

I wish I was sitting out on the patio having a beer and some good conversation with my wife.

[cerealberry]

Granted, until your wife's 6"4', 250lb secret lover shows up and challenges you to a arm wrestling duel for her. She is giddy with excitement to have two men fighting over her... You accept the challenge. Place your cold filled bottle of brew on the table and ready your stance.. Within 3 seconds her lover has your arm pinned down flat..the vibrations knock over your bottle.. You watch it crash to the floor and all the lovely suds meander off the porch.. Loverboy whisks your wife up in his strong arms and off they drive into the sunset.

I wish it was 43.5 hrs later than it is.......

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[the_sandman_454]

Granted, but unbeknownst to you, that's when the army of flying monkeys takes over the planet and you regret wishing away the last 43 hours and change of freedom the world will ever have...

I wish I had an army of flying monkeys...