[SCrid2000]

Granted. However, the only way to get you more time is to actually slow down the earth's rotation speed. Due to the imbalance, the earth plunges into the sun. Although the astronauts in the space station are able to keep the human race alive in oxygen chambers in the moon, for everlasting generations hereafter the biggest failures are referred to as "middbrews."

I wish I wasn't out of toilet paper.

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[trucky]

Sorry, but due to the earth plunging into the sun, paper products are no more. But there are two or three corncobs hangin from a string.

I wish it were summer and I was out on the lake enjoying the sun and water.

[highjakker]

granted....you are now a lake dwelling sea monkey!


i wish i didn't have to work but still had a comfortable income.

[jlb21]

Granted, but a comfortable income makes no sense as the money grubbing public wants to tear the income off of you!

I wish a had a lifetime supply of bacon!

[highjakker]

granted. but the bacon comes directly from your belly like scabs. simply peel and eat.


i wish i could eat whatever i wanted without consequence!

[middbrew]

Granted. You can now eat anything you want and not have to worry about health or physical appearances. However, the only food that is avaible to you is three week old uncooked dog guts.

I wish I could learn and remember anything.

[trucky]

You learn and remember perfectly. Unfortunately, the any thing you learn and remember is the song "It's a Small world After All", and find it's in your head and on your lips with every waking and dreaming moment. Shoulda said EVERYthing.

I wish all these people inside my head would be quiet long enough for me to think.

[Manoman]

Granted...but of course now comes the deep depression associated with lonliness.

I wish I could leave work!

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[middbrew]

Granted...but of course now comes the deep depression associated with lonliness.

I wish I could leave work!

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Granted. You can leave work now. In fact, your boss is telling you to leave because your fired!

I wish I had a beer to drink right now.

[the_sandman_454]

Granted. You can leave work now. In fact, your boss is telling you to leave because your fired!

I wish I had a beer to drink right now.

Granted, but it is beer that's been "processed" through someone elses' body first...


I wish I had good pure water to drink...

[jlb21]

Granted. But in order to make the good, pure water for you, you had to exhaust the world's water supply so everyone else is going to die of thirst.

I wish Charlie Sheen would just go away.

[trucky]

He goes away... to Haiti. He wants to show them what a real disaster looks like.

I wish my Blackberry had a neural keyboard.

[jlb21]

Granted, but @Brent_Spiner might want the neural net back when you are done.

I wish Star Trek TNG was still on.

[BigBadWulf]

Granted, but only reruns on a Russian local cable channel.

I wish my wieners would get here already.

[cerealberry]

Granted your weiners arrive... Unfortunately they are attached to Bruno and Serge.. Twin Siberian Professional Pillow Fighting Champs. They develop and instant crush on you and stalk you until you must take permenant refuge in a plastic spoon factory in hong kong.



I wish I knew ji jitsu.

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[highjakker]

granted but ji jitsu is an extinct southern japanese dialect only known to you and it is all you can communicate in. shoulda asked to know jiu jitsu.


i wish victoria secret's models had a crush on me.

[trucky]

One of them does, but HE is one of their new male underwear models.

I wish apple fritters didn't taste so good.

[the_sandman_454]

One of them does, but HE is one of their new male underwear models.

I wish apple fritters didn't taste so good.

Granted: the government passes a law stating apple fritters must contain at least 50% recycled post consumer content. This bold new step of recycling human waste miraculously saves the planet.

I wish I got to see the weiner mobile run into the taco car as a video clip on the news...

[highjakker]

granted. but as it's such a sensational event it will be broadcast on every channel all day long for the next 3 months, cancelling every tv show on each network with the same reruns of that 5 second clip.

i wish i didn't have to shave anymore.

[jlb21]

Granted. But now your face looks like Forrest Gump at the end of his run.

I wish Firefly (new eps) was still on TV!

[middbrew]

Granted. It is now still on TV. However, you do not have a TV nor access to one to watch it.

I wish it would stop raining so I could go fishing.

[the_sandman_454]

Granted. It is now still on TV. However, you do not have a TV nor access to one to watch it.

I wish it would stop raining so I could go fishing.

Granted, but when it stops raining it becomes very sunny, the temperature rises to 140f, and it continues not raining until the rivers and lakes are gone.

I wish I had a tv that could make up its' own programming...

[jlb21]

Granted. But it only has as a basis for creating the programming, the Tom and Jerry GrapeApe show.

[middbrew]

Granted. But it only has as a basis for creating the programming, the Tom and Jerry GrapeApe show.

What are you wishing jlb?

EDIT: Ok, I'll ask it for you.

jlb21 says "I wish this pink tutu would fit my b.u.t.t better."

[cerealberry]

That is so kind of you middbrew...

Jib.. The pink tutu fits your like a glove.... You look so spectacular in it that you are asked to dance swan lake at the local vfw fish fry. As you pliae' your way across the hall... Marge comes struttin' by with cod right from the fryer.. In a freak accident, you are scared for life and have a permanant cod burn across your left cheek.


I wish my knight in shining armour would rescue me from the **** of springfield...

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