[goldwinger88]

A Sky Diving Lesson

First time jumper: �If my chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do I have until I hit the ground?"

Instructor: (with a deadpan stare) �The rest of your life.�



Bob and Sue, a pair of tight-wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married for years. Bob had always wanted to go flying, but Sue would not pay the money for a ride. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."

The years went by, and Bob got word of an air show in town. It was free to watch, so the two went together. Not too long into the show, Sue and Bob started to argue about paying for a ride.

A Pilot taking a break between flights overheard the argument and intervened. "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you make one sound, you pay ten dollars.�

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could. He dove to the ground as fast as the plane could go, pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admitted defeat and went back the airport.

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything? Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

[JustPlainJef]

Uhhhh... It's Thursday. Don't get me excited like that.

[crs7088]

Wait....is it thursday or friday? I'm confused now!!

[goldwinger88]

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'


So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.


The first floor has wives that love sex.


The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.


The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.





Yeah yeah, this has been around, but it is still funny!!

[goldwinger88]

Wait....is it thursday or friday? I'm confused now!!

DANG!! I am on vacation from work today, and have to travel tomorrow and got myself all COMFUSED! Sorry folks

[crs7088]

DANG!! I am on vacation from work today, and have to travel tomorrow and got myself all COMFUSED! Sorry folks

Haha. It's ok. I just thought it was friday and got all happy.

[goldwinger88]

A BLONDE POLICE STOP

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

[goldwinger88]

Another Blonde Joke ( which i am today)




A blonde walks up to the help desk in a library.

"I'd like a hamburger, fries, and a soda."

The librarian scowls, and says "This is a library!"

The blonde whispers "I'd like a hamburger, fries, and a soda."

[LazyStarGazer]

Thanks Goldwinger. I've never heard "The Husband Store"...I love it!

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

[goldwinger88]

A senior couple, Jerry and Linda, moved to Texas ...
Jerry always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he
bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"

Linda looked him over. "Nope.."

Frustrated, Jerry stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the
kitchen completely naked except for the boots..

Again he asked Linda, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Linda looked up and exclaimed, "Jerry, what's different? It's hanging down today,
it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"

Furious, Jerry yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, Linda?"

"Nope", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without changing her expression, Linda replied,
"You should'a bought a hat, Jerry."

[goldwinger88]

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties..

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment — chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, “Can you top that?” The tough old golfer replies,




“No problem, just get that lion out of there