[cerealberry]

We've all gotten the emails telling us that some poor widow in some far off country would like you to invest her wealth as she lays on her deathbed, or that the head of an international bank has found your email and would like to share the billions he has hidden or your best friend took a secret vacation and was robbed and now needs your help. Here's your chance to have some fun.
RULES: You must respond to the actual email you receive, being as witty as i know a crackberryhead can be. Then post your response along with the original scam.

For alternative fun; feel free to send emails to other scammed accounts mentioned on this thread to really annoy the poor fools sitting at western union awaiting our funds. Be sure to share those responses with the rest of us!!

Here we go:

From: carol chow [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: Monday, February 06, 2012 05:45 PM
Subject: Sad News
Hello
How are you doing today?Please i need your urgent help on something very important because am in a big mess right now and stranded.I came down to Scotland(UK) for a research conference and unfortunately for me i was mugged on my way back to the hotel i lodged and the robbers went away with all i had on me including my passport and some vital document i came down here with.Please i need you to loan me $3,200 so i can make arrangement for the hotel bills and leave this horrible situation immediately and be home.
Right now all phone lines in my room has been disconnected because of the hotel bills and have reported the case to the police down here but they are not working effectively to my case and the embassy said i should come for clearance document.The hotel management said western union will be the fastest and easiest way for me to receive money down here because i don't run any bank account in the UK.Our first priority is safety because i do not feel safe or secured.
Name:Carol So Chow
Address:153 Beach Boulevard
City:Aberdeen
Country:Scotland UK
Zip Code:AB10 1FR
Once you are done with the transfer,Please don't forget to email me the Money Transfer Control Number(MTCN)or scan the receipt given to you by Western Union and email it to me.
Best Regards
Carol So Chow

MY RESPONSE:
Subject: Re: Sad News
Oh carol, this is terrible news.. I would help, but currently I am stranded in london.. Can you believe that robbers took my passport too! I was just going to email you and ask for $4200, but it appears that is not an option.. By the way, it is sad that the robbers also stole your ability to speak English properly.. How sad..

[SCrid2000]

My wife and I are looking for a new apartment, and one of the listings we contacted was a scam that directed you through an ad link (ad revenue) to a credit score site (which gives a $24 referral bonus).
I didn't send them any sort of response to them, but I DID contact the credit score page, their webhost, and the ad company they used, and it's all getting shut down.
That's what you get for wasting my time.

[BigBadWulf]

From: Mrs. Rose Foster <[email protected]>
To:
Sent: Tuesday, February 7, 2012 3:07 PM
Subject: FYI=

Dear Friend,

Greetings to you and your family. I know this mail will come to you as a suprise, but i want to to read and consider my request from you. Meanwhile my name is Mrs.Ross Foster, i am undergoing medical treatment in Dubai.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer which was discovered very late, due to my laxity in caring for my health.I was married to Dr. John Foster who worked as a director with British Railway Commission for over a decade before he died on 5th of July in the year 2003. We were married for fifteen years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for two weeks.Before his death he made a vow to use his wealth for the less privileged in the society. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home.

I and my husband deposited the sum of US$6.5Million(Nine million five hundred thousand dollar) to a finance firm in Europe as family valuables,and now that my Doctor made it clear to me that I would not last long due to my health that has resulted to stroke,I hereby seek for an assistance of an honest and God fearing person to assist me distribute this funds to orphanages,and those affected in the Tsunami in far Asia. I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not inclined to helping poor people,they are only after the money and I do not want my husbands hard earned money to be misused or spent in the manner in which my late husband did not specify. I do not want them to know about this development, this is why i am contacting an external person and also i cannot carry this out because of my condition.

As soon as I receive your reply I will introduce you as my partner,and shall give you the contact of the Bank where the funds are deposited as Family valuables. I will also issue you a letter of authority and all other documents that will empower you as the next beneficiary.
10% of the total sum will be yours for your kind assistance and time.

Thank you and may the Almighty bless you.

Yours sincerely,
Mrs. Rose Foster.

My dearest Mrs. Foster,

So sorry to hear about your stroke, along with the C word.

Traveling to the UK would be quite difficult for me at the moment. Maybe you haven't kept up with me, being hospitalized and all, but due to circumstances I'm not legally able to discuss, I cannot depart the state I'm in for several years to come. I'm sure we could come to some other arrangement though.

It's never too late to adopt. I can assure you, I would spend the inheritance in a most philanthropic way.

Your soon to be loving son,
Wulf

[john_v]

I don't think I have the email exchange any longer, but a couple of years ago I had a guy going for about two weeks before I finally got tired of it and told him the truth. Boy did he explode. He said he would contact the governor of my region (they are best friends) and have a death squad visit me. Me living in Illlinois (if you know our history with governors), I told him if he was best pals with my governor that didn't speak real highly of him, and he might want to keep that death squad nearby as bodyguards for when the Feds came. It was pretty funny, but got old after a couple weeks.

[cerealberry]

From:[email protected]
CONGRATULATUION

TOYOTA AUTOMOBILE COMPANY,UNITED KINGDOM
22 Garden Close Stamford,
Lincs, PE9 2YP, Liverpool
United Kingdom.
This is to inform you that youhave wonaBrand New TOYOTA CAMRY 09 Carand a cashprize of (�500,000 00 GBP). The car comes with a special TOYOTA Insurance Cover for one whole year, that is till the next promotion in 2012. It also comes with a one year warranty and FREE repairs at any TOYOTA AUTOMOBILES depot or service station worldwide.
Please Fill The Information Below And Send To ([email protected])
Scan copy of your Identification (Driving Licenseorany validI.D Proof)
1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:
3.State:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Country:
8.MobileNumber
(Contact Events Manager)
Tel: +447017430097
Namer MON WILLIAMS
Congrats once more and keep trusting TOYOTA AUTOMOBILE for top quality automobiles Car.
Inside Toyota's epic breakdown
02.23.10 - Brent Guin, a Toyota master diagnostic technician, wraps an accelerator pedal with padding before putting it into a vise so he could make recall modifications. JOHN D. SIMMONS

YOU CAN VIEW OUR PAST INTERNATIONAL WINNERS
MOHAMMED KHALID HOLDING HIS LOTTERY CHEQ
MANY OF OUR PAST WINNERS IN VIEW
TOYOTA AUTOMOBILE AWARD UNITED KINGDOM


I am soooo excited!! What a fantastic way to wake up!! As soon as the state realizes that I drive much better with a little alcohol in my system and they give me back my drivers license, can you friggin believe that they took away my license.. Damn them!!!! If only I could afford a lawyer for my next hearing...

[trucky]

Wouldn't you say that answering question # 6 above would be possibly a bit embarrassing and well, just too personal?

[Rootbrian]

I had 600 or so of those scammers contact me. Lol

I just report them to [email protected] and have it taken care of.

[john_v]

Dear Beloved in Christ,

I am Mrs.Mary Parker an aging widow suffering from long time illness. I
have some funds I inherited from my late husband, the sum of 7.5 Million
Pounds and I needed a very honest and God fearing Christian that will use
the fund for God's work, I found your email address from the internet and
decided to contact you. Please if you would be able to use the funds for
the Lord's work, kindly reply me at my email;[email protected]

Yours in the Lord,

Mrs.Mary Parker.


My response:
Wow...that's a lot of pounds. My wife says she inherited a lot of pounds from me and the kids...but 7.5 million? That's eating a lot of chocolate and bacon.

You take care of yourself now, y'all hear? Bless your heart.

P.S. I'm late all the time, but my wife never calls me her late husband. You might want to think about treating him nicer...he might not cause you to have so many pounds.

[trucky]

I'm selling a Bowflex on craigslist (yeah, I know) and had what I knew was a scammer email from a lady merely asking:

Still for sales?

I'll play so I reply that Yes, it is still for sale.

Next email from another address and name (I'm not supposed to notice that):


bob Martins [email protected]
9:42 AM (22 minutes ago)

to me
Thanks for your response.I will be happy to buy it but i will not be able to come and view it in your place Note that i will be responsible for shipping and handling.My shipping company will come to your location for the pick up Kindly provide me with the address where it will be picked up so that i can forward it to the shipping company to calculate the cost of pick up for me.

Best Regards,

============================
9:58 AM (6 minutes ago)

to bob
Thanks so much!

I will have it ready for you at:

Asheville Police Department
100 Court Plaza
Asheville, NC 28802

Please let me know when to expect your shipping representative to arrive so I can have a couple of officers ready for him.

[trucky]

The latest update...

bob Martins [email protected]
10:16 AM (0 minutes ago)

to me
Hello,
I just want to inform you that the address as been forward to my shipping company for the calculation of there fees and i'm sure they will get back to you ASAP. So about the payment i will like the payment to be made via paypal online secure payment . So i want you to get back to me with your verified PayPal Account Email Address And your full Name Please include your email address in your reply for effective contact,So that i can Deposit the funds now...

1.Your PayPal Full Name
2.Your Paypal E-mail address

Best Regards

[trucky]

Somebody put some work into this email. I'm impressed.




Dear trucky


We are in receipt of Bob Martins to (Bowflex)

We will like you to kindly confirm your address where the (Bowflex), will be picked up. Below is the address given to us:


Asheville Police Department 100 Court PlazaAsheville, NC 28802.




However, we would like to know if the above address is correct and accurate so we can calculate the pick up and delivery cost.
For further information, Please reply to this message with any question you might have.

Thank you,

Chris Smith,

Manager,

For World Wide Air Delivery







************************************************** ****************************
This message may contain confidential and privileged information.
If you are not the intended recipient you should not disclose, copy
or distribute information in this e-mail or take any action in reliance
on its contents. To do so is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.
Please inform the sender that this message has gone astray before
deleting it. Thank you

[Rootbrian]

He he he, here's the one I got:

Good Day,


I am Mr. Christopher W. Murray, General Consultant and United Nations Diplomatic Delivery Agent in Newark International Airport New Jersey United States of America. This is to notify you that after our meeting today with the United Nations Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki-Moon and some of the United Nations representatives, we came to a conclusion that we have to pay you the sum of US$15 Million as your contract entitlement. The payment will come to you through consignment box delivery.


We informed the United Nations that your funds worth US$15 Million will be delivery to you within the next 24 hours with out any further delay and you will receive it through consignment box delivery process. Moreover, we have an agreement with the United Nations Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki-Moon, that your consignment box delivery process will be done within the next 24 hours from the hour you response back to this message.


Be informed that we are working in collaborations with the United Nations Secretary General Mr. Ban Ki-Moon, who authorize your contract entitlement to you without any further delay. On my assumption, the two consignment boxes contenting US$15 Million, each of the box contain US$7.5 Million and they are two metallic boxes with weight of about 150kg each. Meanwhile I will get everything concluded within the next 24 hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your house address for delivery.Note I guarantee you that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and I from any breach of the law. You are advised to include the followings below details.

(1). Your Full Name:
(2). Contact Address:
(3). Telephone Number:
(4). Your Occupation:
(5). Age and Sex:
(6). Marital Status:
(7). Working Identity Card/Int'l Passport:
(8). Nearest Airport Close To Your City:



Your Prompt Response Shall Be Most Appreciated.


Yours Faithfully,

Mr.Christopher W. Murray

Eneral Consultant United Nations.

and here is my reply:

PLEASE READ before even thinking about deleting this e-mail reply!

Dear christopher, I know deep down inside that you don't really want to be wasting countless hours of sending mass-e-mail to anybody using a program you found and downloaded on the internet from these hacker or coding websites. You aren't really going to be making much money getting it from sleeze bags who will fall for it, but consider this: Is it really worth it?

Most of them, 99%, or 80%, will just delete the e-mail and move on, some will report or forward it to the authorities in hongkong (unless it was a compromised e-mail account), and then you could end up getting busted by your own government, end up going to jail on charges for fraud, money laundering. I don't think you would even want that. If you're still young and are in school and just decided to jump on the bandwagon to see if you could get some cash for (very likely) college or school to pass those hard earned grades.

If you really do want to come clean and advise others not to do the same thing to risk their own reputation and potential career, then do it! I'm just a shy individual here at home without a job and I wouldn't even come close to wanting to commit such a criminal action even if I could pull it off, I wouldn't.

Please take my advice and work hard, don't risk it, be a great citizen!

Sincerely,

Brian C.

[Jandrsn36]

Guys, I'm really scared....lol. Can someone please help me respond to this...LOL

FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE,
NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
E=MAIL: ([email protected])
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)


URGENT MESSAGE AND NOTICE OF WARNING TO YOU.

HAVING MADE SEVERAL EFFORTS TO PASS THIS URGENT INFORMATION'S TO YOU AND YOUR SILENCE OVER SUCH AN IMPORTANT MATTER THAT INVOLVES YOU BEING JAILED ON A CRIME OF MUTUAL AGREEMENT WITH SOME NIGERIAN OFFICIALS TO ILLEGALLY DIVERT FUNDS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, WHICH ON INVESTIGATION WAS DISCOVERED THAT YOU PROVIDED SUCH INFORMATION'S AND YOUR IDENTIFICATION MEANS WITHOUT BEING UNDER ANY FORM OF DURESS WHICH BY IMPLICATIONS IN LAW IS CONSPIRACY.

BASED ON THE ABOVE MATTER OF URGENT IMPORTANCE WE HAVE THROUGH OUR COLLABORATIVE INTELLIGENCE COOPERATION WITH THE FBI ISSUED A WARRANT OF ARREST TO ALL YOUR PARTNERS AND WE ARE MAKING EFFORTS TO TRACK YOU DOWN AS ALL YOUR INFORMATION'S ARE WITH US WHICH WILL BE EMBEDDED INTO OUR CRIME DATA BASE TO DECLARE YOU A WANTED CRIMINAL AND MONEY LAUNDRY AGENT.

THIS MATTER BECAME IMPERATIVE THAT DUE TO THE FACTS THAT THE UNITED NATIONS CHARTER ON HUMAN RIGHT GUARANTEED FOR AN ACCUSED BEING INNOCENT UNTIL FOUND GUILTY BEYOND ALL REASONABLE DOUBTS, WE HAVE SINCE OVER THREE MONTHS MAKE FUTILE EFFORTS TO GET YOUR OWN SIDE OF THE STORY BUT ALL EFFORTS WHERE REBUFFED BY YOUR SINISTER MOTIVES.

OUR INVESTIGATION SHOWS THAT YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT YOUR ID CARD HAVE BEEN USED TO OBTAIN THE PERMIT FOR THE TRANSFER UNTIL THE BUBBLE BURST AND HENCE AS THERE SAY IN LAW THAT IGNORANCE IS NOT AND WILL NEVER BE AN EXCUSE FOR CRIME AND CRIMINALITY.

IT WAS OUT PITY AND MY STRICT CHRISTAN BACKGROUND AND FEAR OF GOD THAT I DECIDED TO HAVE A SECOND LOOK AND SEE HOW TO HELP YOU GET OUT OF UNIMAGINABLE PROBLEMS THAT I CONSIDER IT WORTHWHILE TO GIVE YOU A BLUE PRINT ON HOW TO ESCAPE THIS IMPENDING DISGRACE WHICH YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO BRING TO YOUR FAMILY AND LOVED ONES.

I MADE CONTACTS FROM THE COUNTRY THAT THE CRIME WAS COMMITTED THAT IS NIGERIA AND THE ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION (EFCC) DIRECTED ME TO THE PROSECUTION ATTORNEY WHO WILL HELP TO SIGN AND ENDORSE AND CARRY OUT FULL LEGITIMACY ON YOUR BRIEF AND TO MY SURPRISE HE ONLY CHARGED A PALTRY SUM OF $270USD WHICH IS YOUR SAVING GRACE.

DUE TO THE URGENCY AND SINCE YOUR NAME AND OTHER RELEVANT IDENTIFICATIONS OF YOURS FORWARDED FOR THIS ILLEGAL TRANSACTION WITH YOUR COUNTERPARTS ARE ALREADY BEING INVESTIGATED AND AWAITING THE ISSUANCE OF YOUR WARRANT OF ARREST, I ADVISE YOU TO MAKE HASTE TO COMPLY WITH MY DIRECTIVES SO AS TO BRING THIS MATTER TO AN END AND THE AMOUNT IN QUESTION TOTALING $10,500,000.00 USD WILL BE LOOKED INTO OBJECTIVELY.

YOU ARE ADVISED AT YOUR OWN INTEREST AND IN OTHER NOT TO FURTHER JEOPARDIZE YOUR FUTURE PROCEED IMMEDIATELY AND PAY IN THE ATTORNEYS FEE SO THAT I WILL NOT BACK OUT OF MY HELP TO SAVE YOU FROM IMMINENT DANGER , USE THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE INFORMATION'S BELOW.

RECEIVERS NAME: FRANK OBISI
COUNTRY: NIGERIA
CITY: LAGOS
TEXT QUESTION: URGENT
ANSWER: MATTER
AMOUNT: $270

SENDERS NAME FORWARD SAME INFORMATION'S TO ME UPON SENDING THE MONEY) MTCN, ADRESS OF SENDER ETC.

UPON THE RECEIPT OF THE FEE WE SHALL LIAISE WITH THE HOLDEN BANK TO EFFECT YOUR COMPENSATION AMOUNT TO THE TUNE OF $10.5 MILLION USD WHICH WAS LONG OVER DUE TO YOUR ACCOUNT, NEEDLESS TO REMIND YOU THAT FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH THIS DIRECTIVES WILL BE COUNTER PRODUCTIVE AS ALL SECURITY AGENCIES WILL BE UNLEASHED TO FISH YOU OUT FOR PROSECUTION.

A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE.

YOUR URGENT RESPONSE WILL BE AT YOUR ADVANTAGE.

THANK YOU

YOURS SINCERELY

AGENT RONALD T.HOSKO

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)

[Rootbrian]

@Jandrsn36 Dude, don't even worry. Notice the spelling errors? It's a fake! XD

Have fun with the scammer, maybe even submit it to the feds for investigation.

[Jandrsn36]

@Jandrsn36 Dude, don't even worry. Notice the spelling errors? It's a fake! XD

Have fun with the scammer, maybe even submit it to the feds for investigation.

Oh no, I know its a scam and im not worried. I just posted that here so someone can come up with a sarcastic way to have fun with these clowns. I posted this from my phone and couldn't figure out how to red text.

[john_v]

T

Oh no, I know its a scam and im not worried. I just posted that here so someone can come up with a sarcastic way to have fun with these clowns. I posted this from my phone and couldn't figure out how to red text.

That's hilarious... A money laundry agent (I think the guy who runs the coin-op down the street is a money laundry agent... He cashes my dollar bills for quarters so I can do my laundry)

[cerealberry]

From: [email protected]
.Indicate Please
Mar 9, 2012 5:25as

Greeting,
I am David Derbyshire; I work with First Tracking Services, a consulting Firm in London, UK. We are conducting a standard investigation involving a client who shares the same name with you. The essence of this communication is to request that you provide us information on these issues: 1-Are you aware of any relative/relation having the same surname.Mr David Derbyshire


Why yes.. All my relatives have my surname.. Doesn't your family share the derbyshire name?

[cerealberry]

From:Intercontinental Bank Plc
Reply to: [email protected]
ntercontinental Bank Plc
Plaza Dan mole Street Off Adeola Odeku
Victoria Island Lagos
Direct Line: +234-809-708-0499
Our Ref:SH231282

Dear Beneficiary,

I am directed by the Senate Committee on National Debt and the Board of National Contract Review Panel to inform you that your overdue Contract Payment has been approved for immediate payment, your payment is Schedule to be paid to you via international ATM Visa Card.

During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that your payment has been unnecessarily delayed by some corrupt officials who were trying to divert your funds into their own private accounts due to your inability to fullfill your payment obligations.

Be informed that we have verified your payment agreement file as directed to us by the ministry of finance, your name is next on the list of outstanding beneficiaries to received a total sum of Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars, endorsed and approved with reference #: ITB/UN/RRXT/IMF/97/9K11.

After the recent board meeting, we have resolved in finding a solution to all international transfer problems. Following the recent agreement to release your payment via international ATM Card System; fully interswitched. This payment order will be in an ATM Visa Card, programmed to dispense $5000 for each transaction and can be used for a maximum of 6 times in a day after every 4 hours, hence it can pay a total of $30,000.00 within 24 hours.
Kindly re-confirm the following information as stated below.
Your Full Name:Your Mailing Address:Your Mobile phone Number:Your Profession:Bank Name only:Country of Origin:

Yours faithfully

Mr. Daniel Amusan
Director, foreign operations
ronmental, and Employment Law Services
P Please do not print this e-mail unless you really need to. If you are not the intended
recipient you must not use, disclose, distribute, copy, print, or rely on this e-mail.

MY RESPONSE
Are you kidding me?!? 6 years of waiting for my $30,000 and you want me to stand outside an atm and withdraw $5,000 every 4 hours? I think not.. I will be expecting my payment delivered in full, by courier, in us currency, just like every other scam artist has offered. If not, you shall be hearing from my attorney,!!!

[trucky]

Please do not print this e-mail unless you really need to. If you are not the intended recipient you must not use, disclose, distribute, copy, print, or rely on this e-mail.

MY RESPONSE
Are you kidding me?!? 6 years of waiting for my $30,000 and you want me to stand outside an atm and withdraw $5,000 every 4 hours? I think not.. I will be expecting my payment delivered in full, by courier, in us currency, just like every other scam artist has offered. If not, you shall be hearing from my attorney,!!!

For a small fee (hmmm, maybe 63.7%) I will gladly sit at said ATM and make the withdrawals at the designated times for you. All I ask for is a cheezeburger every 4 hours.

And, did you really need to print that email? You could be in serious trouble here.

[cerealberry]

For a small fee (hmmm, maybe 63.7%) I will gladly sit at said ATM and make the withdrawals at the designated times for you. All I ask for is a cheezeburger every 4 hours.

That seems fair. Please send me your name, address, bank name/ account number and mother's maiden name so I may deposit your fee

[trucky]

That seems fair. Please send me your name, address, bank name/ account number and mother's maiden name so I may deposit your fee

Please provide your home address and personal phone number and I will deliver what you request in person.

[cerealberry]

Please provide your home address and personal phone number and I will deliver what you request in person.

Perfect.... Just wire transfer $3000 for shipping and handling fees and I'll get that atm right over to you.. My address and phone will be attached..

[Pearl9100]

What are you talking about? Sounds legit!

You should give them all your money asap! Think of all of the money you will make in the end.

[Rootbrian]

I keep telling them with all the time they're spending compiling and sending mass-e-mail with, they could be finding work. When will these ones learn...

Ain't got no $$$ to give.

[trucky]

Sheesh, they don't even tell you how many millions you'll get for free any more...

Warm greetings,

I am Dr. Vusi E. Tibane, Currently working as a Projects Manager with Department of Minerals
& Energy South Africa. I have a business proposition and I need your assistance and partnership
to move some funds oversea as the civil service code of conduct of my country doesn’t allow top
government official to operate foreign account hence your importance is needed.

However, your share will be 30% of the total funds: if you are willing to work with me on this
mutual beneficial transaction, contact me via this E-mail ([email protected]) and send
me, your Direct Telephone/Fax number or your alternative private E-mail address to reach you.

I will gladly contact you and furnish you with the full details and also give you verbal
clarification.

Wait to hear from you.

Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Vusi E. Tibane
Tel/Fax: +27 86 516 1084