11-12-13 01:27 PM
44 12
  1. CarGuy1368's Avatar
    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Now I'm scarred because I drove over it. Thanks a lot.

    Posted via the super amazing BlackBerry Q10
    Fuzz360 likes this.
    10-17-13 11:33 AM
  2. CarGuy1368's Avatar
    So there was a blonde and a brunette watching the news. A man was about to jump off a building as a stunt to promote his new TV show. Anyways, so they were watching this and the brunette said, "I'll bet you ten bucks that he'll jump." The blonde agreed, saying he wouldn't jump. When the man jumped off the building, the brunette said, "HA! I watched it earlier because this was recorded on my DVR." The blonde responded with, "Ya, I saw it too! I just didn't think he'd do it again."

    Posted via the super amazing BlackBerry Q10
    Undbiter65 and Fuzz360 like this.
    10-17-13 11:36 AM
  3. Fuzz360's Avatar
    hahaha, Fab they're all going in my "in case of DIRE emergency" folder, you know, the kind of emergency where we're faced with imminent death and need that EXTRA bit of inspiration with regards to taking our own lives!?!?!

    Sorry I havdnt been around either peeps, we've had a busy old week in the Fuzz Residence.


    What do you call a Japanese lawyer? So-Sue-Mi

    What do you call a Chinese man holding a pole at both ends? Rai-Ling

    What do you call a Russian with THREE testicles? Who'd-ya-nick-a-bol-lock-off (Say it quick!)

    10-26-13 02:25 PM
  4. h20work's Avatar
    A brunette goes to the doctor. She says "it hurts when I touch my forehead, my shoulder, my elbow, my knee, and my foot."

    Doctor says "I'm sorry, but did you used to be blonde?"

    She gets mad and says "what does that have to do with anything????"

    Doctor replies "your finger is broken...
    10-26-13 02:56 PM
  5. john_v's Avatar
    A blonde is driving along a country road and sees another blonde trying to row a rowboat through a field.
    She gets out and starts yelling at the blonde in the boat.
    "You m oron, you row a boat n a river, not a field. It's blondes like you who give the rest of is bad names."
    She stamps her foot
    "And if I could swim, I'd come out there and give you a piece of my mind."

    A different blond was also driving down a country road with a large dump truck behind her. Every time she would come to a curve, she would slow down to five miles an hour. The truck driver was becoming very angry and finally was able to pass her on a stretch of straight road. He cut her off, forcing her off the road.
    Taking his tire iron out, he drew a circle in the gravel and told her "stay in that circle and don't move."
    She did as she was told, and the trucker began to smash the tai lights on her car. He heard a giggle, but turned around to see her standing in the circle.
    He smashed both headlights, only to hear another giggle. Becoming even angrier, he demanded to know what was so funny.
    "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle."

    Sent from my iPhone 5
    Fuzz360, h20work, 3hb78ftg and 1 others like this.
    10-26-13 03:21 PM
  6. Fuzz360's Avatar
    Loving the second one John

    Why aren't there any painkillers in the jungle?

    QXS likes this.
    10-26-13 04:25 PM
  7. h20work's Avatar
    So a hillbilly is finally getting married. After the wedding he leaves with his new bride for their honeymoon.

    Later that night the boy knocks on his parents door. His pa asks "boy whatcha doin here? You spossed to be enjoyin your bride!"

    The boy replies "but pa! She's a virgin!"

    "What's wrong with that?" pa asks

    "Well, if she ain't good nough for her family, she ain't good nough for ours!"
    3hb78ftg likes this.
    10-26-13 04:28 PM
  8. Undbiter65's Avatar
    "If you can't soar with the eagles then don't fly with the flock!" (BBM#18)
    10-27-13 08:49 AM
  9. CarGuy1368's Avatar
    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were stuck on an island. The brunette said, "I'm going to swim across to land and get us some help!" 3/4 of the way there, she got exhausted and drowned. The redhead then said, "I'm going to make a boat and try to get over to civilization." 1/4 of the way through, her boat sprung a leak and she drowned. The blonde then said, "This is our final chance. Either I'm going to die here or die out there." She started swimming. 1/2 of the way through, she got tired, so she swam back to the island.

    Posted via the super amazing BlackBerry Q10
    10-27-13 11:45 AM
  10. john_v's Avatar
    During the draft, two redneck brothers had their numbers called. The first went in to talk to the sergeant.
    "What can you offer the Air Force, son?"
    "Well, I knows how to pilot "
    "Excellent, we're looking for pilots. Go through that door and the officer will get you all set up."

    The next brother comes in. "Son, what can you offer the Air Force?"
    "Well, I knows how to cut down trees."
    "That's it?"
    "How come you know so little? You're brother knows how to fly planes."
    "Jeb? He don't know nuthin' bout planes."
    "What? He said he knew how to pilot!"
    "Sure...I done cut the wood, he done pile it."

    Sent from my iPhone 5
    h20work likes this.
    10-27-13 01:30 PM
  11. amazinglygraceless's Avatar
    Q: Why was the little boy embarrassed when he opened the refrigerator?

    A: Because he saw the salad, dressing
    h20work and Fuzz360 like this.
    10-27-13 08:02 PM
  12. h20work's Avatar
    Two redneck brothers were walking to town when they saw a $20 bill on the ground. Excited by their new found riches they tried to decide how to spend it.

    The older brother took the money and went into a store. A few minutes later he returned with a big grin on his face and a shopping bag. He hands it to the younger brother and says "we gonna have some fun!" The younger brother opens the bag and sees a box of tampons. Confused he asks "what we gonna do with dem?"

    The older brother replies "ya moron! Look right here! It says we can go horseback riding, camping, swimming, kayaking!"
    10-27-13 08:44 PM
  13. john_v's Avatar
    A city slicker went to visit his redneck cousin. They were walking around town and decided to stop by the bakery.

    The city slicker said "Watch this", and slipped three cookies into his pocket when the baker had his back turned. "Us city folk are always smarter then you rednecks."

    The redneck said to the baker, "Hey give me a cookie and let me eat it, and I'll show you some magic."

    The baker complied, and the redneck ate the cookie.
    "Now give me another one." The baker did so, and the redneck ate the second one.
    "Now just one more." Although suspicious, the baker gave him a third cookie, watched him eat it, and then said, "ok, where's the magic?"

    The redneck smiled and pointed to the city slicker. "Check his pocket."

    Sent from my iPhone 5
    10-28-13 10:07 AM
  14. stalemate1's Avatar
    Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
    Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
    Why can't women apply mascara with their mouths closed?
    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
    Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
    Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
    Why is a boxing ring square?
    Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
    Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
    Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
    Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume of the radio?
    Why is lemon juice made from artificial flavour and dishwashing liquid made from real lemons?
    Why is the man who invests all his money called a broker?
    Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?
    Why can't they make the whole plane out of the material used to make thay little indestructible black box?
    Fuzz360 likes this.
    10-30-13 11:00 AM
  15. john_v's Avatar
    Three fair-haired inebriated fellows were stumbling down a road late one night and came upon a cemetery. They decided to look around in the moonlight at the headstones.

    "Here's George...he was 75."

    "Well Betty here was 92."

    Finally the drunk who still standing near the road called out "Here's a guy who was 200!"

    "200? No way! What's his name?"

    The drunk squinted. "Miles...from Cincinnati."

    Sent from my iPhone 5
    Fuzz360 likes this.
    11-01-13 05:50 PM
  16. h20work's Avatar
    Why do hillbillies love halloween?

    It's pump kin season
    11-01-13 11:00 PM
  17. Fuzz360's Avatar

    What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur's pet Dog?
    Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex!
    11-02-13 04:02 PM
  18. julieb9's Avatar
    Someone told this to my SIL at a bar, not a joke but a bad pick up line.... Lmao

    Are those space pants your wearing?

    Cause your a** is out of this world!
    h20work likes this.
    11-12-13 01:19 PM
  19. julieb9's Avatar
    What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

    Breathe, *****! BREATHE!
    h20work likes this.
    11-12-13 01:27 PM
44 12

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