Awake at 1:30 AM with this on my mind.
I had a thought tonight that seems to be keeping me awake. I suppose its because if I do not write about it somewhere I will forget it. But its an interesting thought, to me anyways.
I was just thinking about the home that I grew up in.
My great grandparents owned a very nice mobile home in a park many years ago when I was very young. They lived there until their last moments on Earth. Sometimes I go by, and I catch myself looking back at all the memories from that house--catching fireflies as a young girl, the toads that used to come out of my grandmothers flower garden at night (hop-frogs, she called them), and how I'd catch those too, the creek behind the house where you could see the neighborhood ducks. It was all a blur, and though I only lived there for 4 or 5 years it felt like forever. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that time.
I let memories like these flood my mind at night to help me get to sleep. But for some reason, this one wasn't working as well because it was more of a developing thought that made me want to stay awake and think about it more.
I guess my real point is, I started wondering who lived there now, and do they sometimes wonder why I go by all the time? What would I say had they asked me why?
And would it ever go up for sale again?
The thing is, I imagined this actually happening one day. That it would go up for sale and somehow I would muster up the money to buy it and live there again. What would that be like? When I lived there as a little girl, everything in that place scared the bejeezus out of me. If the lights would go out the place would get SO dark. We'd have to light at least 4 candles in one room just to be able to see decently. There were also things there that wouldn't be there to this day, such as my grandmothers little anniversary clock, which could be heard chiming away alone in the dark at night while everyone was in bed. I remember I had one of those little plastic kids tents too, and I slept in the living room one night while my grandmother was starting to deteriorate, her oxygen generator was only a few feet away...so I would hear the compressor in it making strange noises...pshhh, PING, dfff....10 seconds of silence, repeat. Things like that were all too real when I was a kid, so going back in that house, I think I would still imagine those things going on at night, even if they weren't there. My grandfather also died in his bedroom at that house, and I would probably swear sometimes that he haunted it. So yeah, it would be pretty creepy at night, I think I could live just fine during the day. Its just that there are so many things tied to the place that I think moving back in would make them all too real. So I am asking anyone who has the will to think deep into their thoughts...would you ever buy back your childhood home and live there as an adult?
Sorry if I sound a little crazy. I figured I post where people would actually respond just to see what there would be. What are your thoughts, CB brothers and sisters?