[chaznsc]

Hi,
This may not belong here, so move it if neccessary. I have 2 teens at home. They both have cell phones, not BB's. They both text a lot. I was wondering if there was a way to monitor those conversations? I am not saying they would do anything wrong, but teens sometimes make poor choices.

Any advice appreciated.

chaz

[Eaglesfan251]

I would absolutely hate if my parents did that to me. I think its an invasion of privacy.

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[kstoutdog]

I would absolutely hate if my parents did that to me. I think its an invasion of privacy.

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when you are a teen, there shouldn't be any expectation of privacy.. your parents own you...
That being said, if you can't trust them, don't give them phones..

[mykey2k]

I don't think the OP was asking if it was an invasion of privacy or seeking approval. If the kids are minors, then at that point it's called responsible parenting.

In any event, if you're paying the tab and concerned, there's always turning off the text messaging feature with the carrier. It works well... I would know because when I upgraded my BB, they cancelled my text messaging plan on accident.

Other than a quick Google search for "text message monitoring" I'm not sure what your provider can do in addition. There are some hits, but they range from software installed on a phone, to a new service provider.

-m

[rachel0179]

Until our daughter is on her own, moved out etc, I will do anything I can to monitor her, invasion of privacy doesnt come into play in my house, its not also about her, but possibly what peer pressure can do.

TG she is only 6 LOL

[chaznsc]

I feel horrible for posting this. I am responsible for my children, and I realize sometimes they make mistakes in judgement. They are good kids, but even good kids screw up.

I just want to be a good parent.

chaz

[rachel0179]

Dont feel horrible, it is a responsible thing, and I admire you for being active about it

Good for you!

[LuvMyBB]

Until our daughter is on her own, moved out etc, I will do anything I can to monitor her, invasion of privacy doesnt come into play in my house, its not also about her, but possibly what peer pressure can do.

TG she is only 6 LOL

AMEN!!! I can't agree with you more! Kids should not expect "privacy" when they are beholden to their parents for everything. We should do all we can to raise our children to be responsible, respectful, productive, decent adults. I only wish more parents would be as concerned.

That said, I try to tread lightly in this area so as not to abuse it. Respect goes both ways, even with kids. My advice is to use this authority sparingly so as not to create too much resentment while still exercising reasonable control over their behavior. I find that occasional, random checks of their text messages (yes right in front of the child) are very effective for our son.

I know AT&T has a parental controls thing now (cost money), but I don't believe it lets you actually view the messages.

[sam123gil]

There's a case right now of a girl sending nude pics of her self to a boy. Another case of a few cheerleaders doing the same thing. Looks like had their parents monitered them they wouldn't be in that situation.

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[santiagol]

If you have detailed invoicing, you can see the phone number they text to/from, the time and date but not the actual message.

[Mattym2121]

look into verizon's "Usage Controls" packages

[rdsmith3]

IMO it is absolutely the responsible thing to do to monitor kids' text messages. It is not a matter of merely trust. You have to protect your kids from peers, predators, and their own bad judgment (e.g. sending nude pictures is something you will regret later).

We made it a condition of giving our kids phones that they will have an expectation of us monitoring them. It is our right and responsibility as the parental authority to do this. We pay the bill, too.

We will randomly pick up their phones and check the text messages. I also check the pictures saved on the phone.

For this same reason, we check the internet history and temp files on the computer, and have porn filters installed.

[Kronk]

AT&T Smart Limits lets you put limits on who your kids can text, etc. My daughter can text immediate family only. If she wants to text a friend, she has to get our approval first. As she grows up and gets more responsible, we'll be more lenient on that given that she doesn't abuse it.

[LuvMyBB]

Sounds like most of us are on the same page. Parents pay the bills, set the rules, try to protect and teach our children, check up when necessary, and implement consequences.

Works for me.

[vndlewis]

It was easier to monitor us (my generation) as children - 1 TV, 1 corded telephone, no computer, etc. As a parent, it is your job to monitor and keep your child safe and on the right track. I am not saying there aren't exceptions to the rules, but if more parents monitored their children maybe there would be less teen parents.

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[roeod4]

I was not monitored very much when I was growing up. I got into some trouble (not the legal kind) and did some pretty stupid stuff, but I was a pretty good kid for the most part. I am currently a successful, responsible and happy person.

My cousin was monitored heavily growing up. His parents were VERY religious and restrictive. He was not able to get away with anything and never had a chance to really do anything. He will be getting out of rehab for the third time in about 4 months.

I am not saying that monitoring your kids is a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I am a parent and my kids will probably not be able to "get away with" anything. I am just saying that some parents can go a little overboard. The more you restrict your kids, the more they are likely to act out and rebel to get some freedom. Hey, there is a reason Catholic school girls have the stereotype that they do.

[LuvMyBB]

roeod I agree for the most part. I think random checks are effective without choking the life out of your child. We all ultimately want healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids. Too much toward either extreme is probably unhealthy. I've seen it both ways, and the result is usually a bad one.

There are exceptions...

[Kaylajoy21]

I say just grab the phone and start reading the texts, since there is no real "monitoring" system, lol.

Although with texts, there is always room for a lot of misinterpretation since you only see part of the conversation.

[Mike96734]

As a parent and a Cop, I would say that your children have NO EXPECTATION of privacy. In addition, it is your Parental Duty to check up on them.

Remember, you can be held civilly and criminally responsible for a juveniles actions in certain circumstances.

My father�s favorite response to my outcries was simply to tell me �You can do it differently when you�re a dad if you want, but my house, my rules.� The strange thing is I follow his example more times then not.

[mykey2k]

I was not monitored very much when I was growing up. I got into some trouble (not the legal kind) and did some pretty stupid stuff, but I was a pretty good kid for the most part. I am currently a successful, responsible and happy person.

My cousin was monitored heavily growing up. His parents were VERY religious and restrictive. He was not able to get away with anything and never had a chance to really do anything. He will be getting out of rehab for the third time in about 4 months.

I completely agree with you as well. There is always extremes to either case.

I wouldn't say I was completely monitored... all my parents asked was that I 'check in' with them a couple times a day when I was younger and at the park, shopping mall, etc. As they saw I could be trusted doing that, they would give me further leniency as I was older -- "You want to stay overnight at your friends? Call us before 11 so we're not worried." They knew I was a good kid (wink wink) but I never got in trouble with the law, and I never gave them a reason to worry.

The couple of times though I did 'learn my lesson' I never repeated it, I'll tell you that. And the times I came close, I learned real well how to talk my way out of it. I admit I got lucky on more than one occasion...

But that might be why I'm so diplomatic these days as well

-m