[zensen]

I get the logic of wanting to stop those things, but I seriously don't think spying on teenagers' phones is the best way to get it done.

Don't get me wrong, I don't try and hide everything I do from my parents. Sometimes my mum will ask me what I'm doing on my phone, who I'm talking to, what about etc, and I'll go right ahead and tell her, but I'd rather smash my phone with a hammer than let anyone - whether they be my mum, my best mate, or the lord himself - go through it. It's my personal phone, my personal messages, my personal data. The IT at work thing isn't the same - in that case, you're at work to work and the equipment you're using belongs to the company, but you wouldn't want someone policing your personal use at home would you?

On the topic of exactly what you content you don't want said in messages etc, I could rant forever, but that's another topic really. But IMO, the whole thing about "sexting" is seriously over-played in the media.

Anyway, that's my view. I'm just glad my phones aren't spied on. Except by the trustworthy government, of course

wait til you have kids you'll understand... its good to be wary of what your kids do. they're your kids :P Also I don't agree with spying but it's totally different from monitoring when the kids actually know what the deal is.
Whether the a kid needs a smartphone, that depends on the family, and how they communicate with each other and commonsense. Do I see owning a blackberry smartphone necessary? Not really, a bit overkill but some do take advantage of certain multimedia/applications like BBM for the always on communication especially if a parent is away a lot of the time.. (whether that phone is on a plan or pre-paid that can a make a big difference in the decision)
In the end one must remember that kids aren't all created equal so responsibility will vary between kids no matter what the age and a kid shouldn't be disadvantaged because a certain 'age' says they should!

[IAmBBJosh]

wait til you have kids you'll understand... its good to be wary of what your kids do. they're your kids :P Also I don't agree with spying but it's totally different from monitoring and the kids actually know whats going on. what these parents are saying is that the kids can use certain things as long as the parents have some sort of involvement but the older they becomes it understandable when they want more freedom and have the job and responsibility to do so.

As I already said, I understand that parents want to be careful about their kids, but I don't think spying, monitoring, or whatever want to call it, is the right way to go about it. We should all have privacy, no matter how old we are.

[SCrid2000]

The IT at work thing isn't the same - in that case, you're at work to work and the equipment you're using belongs to the company, but you wouldn't want someone policing your personal use at home would you?

That's assuming your parents don't pay the phone or the bill
Here's how I feel about it (and no, I don't have any kids, but I will in 3 weeks) - if your kid is gonna cause trouble, they're gonna cause trouble and there's no way in **** you can do anything about it. Openness is a better policy, because if there's trust both ways at least you can persuade them out of the really stupid stuff sometimes.
And let's be honest, I seriously doubt many parents will be able to do more technologically than their 14 year old kid. IT techs excluded.

[IAmBBJosh]

That's assuming your parents don't pay the phone or the bill

Ha, good point. A lot of teens at my college have BlackBerries on contracts and I'd be willing to bet everything I own that they don't pay for them.

Here's how I feel about it (and no, I don't have any kids, but I will in 3 weeks) - if your kid is gonna cause trouble, they're gonna cause trouble and there's no way in **** you can do anything about it. Openness is a better policy.
And let's be honest, I seriously doubt many parents will be able to do more technologically than their 14 year old kid. IT techs excluded.

Exactly right. My mum asks me about what I do sometimes and I'll just tell her, keeping secrets is stressful anyway. In fact, if my mum saw these posts, she'd know straight away it's me posting them. She knows the kind of things I say and my username has my name in it.

I could also easily put encryption on pretty much everything I own that stores data and put a 60-digit password on it all. It wouldn't be too hard to do, but it'd be near impossible to hack it, and if it was hacked I'd have grounds for criminal charges.

[kilted thrower]

Josh, I think your opinion will change once you have kids. I thought the same way you did when I was teenager and even before I had kids. I'm a school teacher and I know how inappropriate teenagers can be with their texting, emailing, and facebooking, etc.

I very well might have saved that girl from committing suicide. I saved some parents the grief of a huge drinking party that was planned as they were going out of town and they were leaving their older teens at home thinking they were responsible.

But the thing is my daughters (and my son once he's old enough to have a cell) know the drill. If they want cell phones, email, and facebook priveleges I get to monitor what is said. It's not spying; there's no deception. As long as I'm legally resonsible for them, they live under my roof, and I pay for these priveleges, they will abide by these rules. If they don't like it...they don't have to have them.

If they're not doing anything wrong, then there's no worry on me checking their cell phones. It's strange how people behave when they know they'll be checked on. It's also amazing the slew of cursing I see and disrespect to their fellow peers I see coming from teenagers when they think no one is monitoring them. Here's something else frightening to some teenagers...I randomly go through the phone bill and call people from their lines and if they're texting boys, you bet I'm calling the guy to let them know I'm paying attention to what's going on. And I do keep track of their texts and calls vs the bill that comes in to make sure they're not just deleting stuff.


My 14 year old has 2 friends that are now pregnant at 15 and 16 years old. The parents are shocked to find out that it started with sexting and sharing nude photos and then videos. Not that checking the phone will always do the trick, but if the parents had and been proactive, they maybe...just might have saved themselves from being grandparents. Not that you can't always stop a determined individual. But you can at least be proactive as a parent.


And the example of I.T. was right on. While I am using their equipment on their server I am subject to being monitored. And while my daughters are using the phones I purchased on the net service I pay for, they will be monitored. And my daughters would much rather have a cell phone knowing the rules than not have a cell phone at all.

So, Josh, I know these rules suck for teenagers sometimes. But I'm just one of those nosy parents that loves their kids. I'm just making sure that they don't make stupid mistakes that they don't mean to make. They're great kids...but all teenagers make bad decisions sometimes.

[IAmBBJosh]

Meh, whether or not my opinion will change will be seen to in the years to come I guess. I doubt it though. As I said, I don't dispute the need to make sure teenagers don't do bad things, neither am I suggesting they're perfect. Not at all. I simply believe everyone deserves privacy. It's not always about hiding bad things, you know.

The pregnancy stuff would have almost certainly still happened even if they didn't have phones at all. Sending messages isn't what gets you pregnant, is it? In fact, they could still swap pictures without phones, using good ol' fashioned Polaroids. Education about contraception is what's needed there, not phone monitoring.

I'm not the type to go out to parties and get drunk (I've actually never had more than a sip or two of any alcoholic drink and plan to keep it that way), but I do know that my peers get up to a lot of bad things. Most of them smoke too - I wonder how many of their parents know they do that? But, as SCrid2000 said, if they're gonna do bad things then they're gonna do them. Unless they constantly sent e-mails to their friends about their smoking, they'd still get away with it if their parents did what you do, and the same goes with anything their parents wouldn't approve of.

The IT example somewhat stands if you pay their bills, yes, but let's face it, even if they got their own phones that they paid for, you'd still want to monitor them, wouldn't you?

Phoning your daughter's friends up too see if they're boys really is overkill though, don't you think? I actually find that quite creepy.

[kilted thrower]

Phoning your daughter's friends up too see if they're boys really is overkill though, don't you think? I actually find that quite creepy.

No. Considering my daughter would "accidently" miss the bus to go to a boys house when their parents weren't there. I want every guy they interact with to know how proactive and concerned I am about what goes on in my daughters lives.

I made a decision a long time ago that I would meet each one of my kiddos friends and their parents and check to make sure the parents are always there if my children are going over there.

I remember not too long ago when I was a teenager and tell my parents I'm going to one friends house, then me and that friend would go to another friends house when the parents were gone.

I know what goes through the minds of teenage boys. I realize that not everyone is trying to have sex. But I also know what happens when hormonal and curious teenagers are left together alone thinking no one is checking on them.

Creepy? Who knows. My daughters are allowed to go to friends, text, etc etc. But they also know I want to know where they are at all times and who they're with and that I'm very willing to show up to check on them. Very rarely does it happen, but I still need to keep 'em on their toes at all times.

One of the nice things about all of this is my daughters know I'm very concerned what goes on in their life and they come to me quite often with issues and problems for advice. We have very open discussions about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. They know I won't judge them, that I have a lot of experience to draw on, and that as long as they're honest about things I rarely get upset.

Okayyyyy...I think this is getting derailed now.

[IAmBBJosh]

Yeah, we've really taken this thread off topic ain't we?

This will be my last post here on this subject. I don't want to keep hijacking the thread.

If you're talking about sexual stuff specifically, though, my view on that depends on what age said teenager is. As I already said, phone monitoring won't change anything in that area. But once said teenager reaches the age of consent, don't you think they should be left to it, as long they're careful and safe?

Of course, this subject is a lot more controversial, and the age in question depends on where you live, but here the age is 16 and I think if anyone wants to have sex or do things of a sexual nature once they reach that age (or whatever the legal age may be in your area), it's their own business. I don't see why anyone should stop them at that point.

[crucialleo]

This is a good thread and I now have the idea of getting my sister a Blackberry because we have had some issues in the past with some text from a boy at her school and they were inappropriate. It would only be an extra 10 bucks for me and if she likes my old pearl then I would let her have it. So what all would I need to keep track of her text, emails, call logs?

[avt123]

I saved some parents the grief of a huge drinking party that was planned as they were going out of town and they were leaving their older teens at home thinking they were responsible.

lol. This is typical kid stuff. There were countless house parties when I was in high school. Parties like this have been gong on forever.

Please don't tell me you will call your kids college if you find out they are having a dorm party.. lol

[kilted thrower]

If you're talking about sexual stuff specifically, though, my view on that depends on what age said teenager is. As I already said, phone monitoring won't change anything in that area. But once said teenager reaches the age of consent, don't you think they should be left to it, as long they're careful and safe?

No. My girlfriend (now exwife) got pregnant at 17. We used protection every single time

Of course, this subject is a lot more controversial, and the age in question depends on where you live, but here the age is 16 and I think if anyone wants to have sex or do things of a sexual nature once they reach that age (or whatever the legal age may be in your area), it's their own business. I don't see why anyone should stop them at that point.

Only if said 16 year old is able to support a child without any assistance from the parents in case a pregnancy happens.

[kilted thrower]

lol. This is typical kid stuff. There were countless house parties when I was in high school. Parties like this have been gong on forever.

Please don't tell me you will call your kids college if you find out they are having a dorm party.. lol

Yes. I know this. I lived with my grandfather for 2 years in high school and he'd leave every Thursday and come back Sunday night to spend time with his girlfriend. So he'd stock the fridge for me, leave the keys to the extra car in case I needed it and take off. I had a very popular house during those two years. Looking back and how many weekends I don't remember during those years, I realize just how irresponsible he was even though back then he was super cool.

But there's no way I want my 14 year old to end up at one of these and getting drunk. And somehow I don't think if your kiddo middle school or high school kiddo came home stinkin drunk you'd just laugh it off and not care.

As far as dorm parties...that's what college is all about. When they're 18 and on their own, then they make their own decisions. Part of college is experimenting and having a ton of fun.

[kilted thrower]

This is a good thread and I now have the idea of getting my sister a Blackberry because we have had some issues in the past with some text from a boy at her school and they were inappropriate. It would only be an extra 10 bucks for me and if she likes my old pearl then I would let her have it. So what all would I need to keep track of her text, emails, call logs?

Flexispy. It'll go straight to your email.

Now I don't have any spy software on my daughters phones. They just know that I can and will ask for them at any moment I feel I need to. I've only done it a handful of times in the last year. Now I do have their facebook messages sent to my phone. Some of the stuff their friends say to their classmastes is horrible. I laugh because of the girl drama but some of the language coming out of their mouth for some reason still shocks me even though I'm around teenagers all day everyday.

[avt123]

Yes. I know this. But there's no way I want my 14 year old to end up at one of these and getting drunk.

As far as dorm parties...that's what college is all about. When they're 18 and on their own, then they make their own decisions.

I know what your saying. I don't think any parents "want" their kids going to these parties. But it just happens. All I know is if my parents prevented me from going to parties, I would be pretty pissed off that I am missing out on some of my childhood. Think of it from a teens perspective. You prevent them from going, all their friends/grade goes and has a great time. They all talk about it. Your kid is now left out and just missed an experience. If this happens every time, it's going to build on them. When they turn 18, since they weren't allowed to do anything, they will start doing EVERYTHING. I have seen this countless amounts of times. Kids who were cooped up get into college and just have a free for all. And the majority of them are girls. I'm not saying this is going to happen, but it has.

It's scary though that you know that many pregnant teens. When I was in high school kids were ******* like rabbits and that happened once. lol we even did it in school, but anyways...

Just hope your daughter doesn't join a sorority. At that point, fresh meat is branded to her forehead.

[IAmBBJosh]

If you install spying software on someone's phone without telling them, you better have a damn good lawyer.

[avt123]

If you install spying software on someone's phone without telling them, you better have a damn good lawyer.

This is only true if you are not legally responsible for the person. If you are a kid and don't pay for your own plan, your parents/guardians can add whatever they want to your phone. They're minors.

[nygjay]

HECK NO I wouldnt give a teen a blackberry....... for what!!?? thats the problem with parents nowadays.....Parents are too busy trying to be "cool" for their kids or trying to be " friends" with their kids...... The problem is that with all the technology thats out there teens are getting smarter by the generation and who knows what they are doing.... Parents giving in to kids and scared to put them in check..... its not about keeping in touch with them... to keep in touch with them are prepaid phones are all over the place.. thats called keeping your kid in check and teaching responsibility... this is a topic that irritates the crap out of me because of the parents nowadays..... then the teens have no respect for others.... and then when someone knocks them into next week, here come the lawsuits, or here comes the hate mail on how you shouldnt hit a kid......well the root of the problem goes back to the parents... parents need to understand their kids a lot better vs just giving into every demand they have..... now their are some teens who are VERY responsible and thank goodness the parents taught them... then again lets be real.. whats the ratio of good to bad teens.... then there are sex texting going on with teens.... and the list goes on and on... theres cheating on test..... shall i say more.... parents are so quick to say they monitor and are responsible when it comes to the teens when reality hits them in the face... no a teen does not need a bb.... a reg phone will do just fine... a prepaid phone will do just fine...... the motto is TEACH kids not GIVE to kids..... what happened to parents like I had from the ol'skool.... those parents are far few and in between and you have teens telling parents what to do...........then theres the messed up social services dept who try and tell you what to do....so no!!

TEENS should not have bb..... but thats my opinion since I have a teen daughter and have seen all the crap... so the result... take away her phone... get a prepaid phone..oh your min ran out.. then shut up talking during school bc money doesnt grow on trees and I'm no hand me out.....

(smile)

[kilted thrower]

I know what your saying. I don't think any parents "want" their kids going to these parties. But it just happens. All I know is if my parents prevented me from going to parties, I would be pretty pissed off that I am missing out on some of my childhood.

Oh they can go to parties as long as I have spoken with a parent and know a responsible adult will be there. I definately wouldn't let my teenagers just go to a party without adult supervision. At the school I teach at (and it's a gifted and talented school with very very few discipline problems and lots of kids from rich parents) I hear all the wonderful stories about so and so's party and how drunk everyone got and so and so was out puking on the lawn and then a bunch of them left driving drunk. I also remember how many unsupervised parties I had and went to as a teenager and all the stuff that went on at those parties.

So, no, my daughters don't get excluded from social gatherings. But I don't let them go to unsupervised parties. I want them to have fun but I also want them to be safe.

It's scary though that you know that many pregnant teens. When I was in high school kids were ******* like rabbits and that happened once. lol we even did it in school, but anyways...

Yup. And many sneak into less than safe places to have sex. Closets, bathrooms, the gym locker room, backseat of a car.

Just hope your daughter doesn't join a sorority. At that point, fresh meat is branded to her forehead.

LOL! A convent is sounding good right now.

[mckinnie]

Why should a phone have an age limit? BlackBerrys aren't just targeted to suits anymore, they can do so many things and are very consumer oriented now rather than just an email tool.

I got my first BlackBerry when I was 16, I'm nearly 18 now. I require a great keyboard, stable software, and the organization tools that a blackberry offers. I feel so connected all the time. That, and they just work. Those POS 'dumbphones' are cheap for a reason, because they suck.

I will be a BlackBerry user for a very, very long time.

[IAmBBJosh]

I know I said I'd stop adding to the hijacking, but since the conversation's still going anyway I thought I might as well chip in.

This is only true if you are not legally responsible for the person. If you are a kid and don't pay for your own plan, your parents/guardians can add whatever they want to your phone. They're minors.

The person asking about spying software said it was for her sister's phone, and even if it was a parent, your statement isn't true for all states/countries.

I know what your saying. I don't think any parents "want" their kids going to these parties. But it just happens. All I know is if my parents prevented me from going to parties, I would be pretty pissed off that I am missing out on some of my childhood. Think of it from a teens perspective. You prevent them from going, all their friends/grade goes and has a great time. They all talk about it. Your kid is now left out and just missed an experience. If this happens every time, it's going to build on them. When they turn 18, since they weren't allowed to do anything, they will start doing EVERYTHING. I have seen this countless amounts of times. Kids who were cooped up get into college and just have a free for all. And the majority of them are girls. I'm not saying this is going to happen, but it has.

For the majority of teenagers, this is true, too. As well as the fact that, if a teenager wants to do something bad, they're gonna find a way to do it.

Reminds me of when I started walking home from school and passed a newsagent everyday. My mum rarely let me have junk food and fizzy drinks, so I loaded up on them now that I had the chance!

But the fact is, you can't shield teens from reality. Let them make their own mistakes, if nothing else so they can learn from them and develop the ability to judge for themselves what's a good and bad idea as they grow older.

No. My girlfriend (now exwife) got pregnant at 17. We used protection every single time.

Gee, if only there were tests, pills, and abortions for that kind of improbable event...

[kilted thrower]

If you install spying software on someone's phone without telling them, you better have a damn good lawyer.

As the other reply said, if the spyed on person is a minor, no lawsuit will stand.

Also, a number of spouses that are being cheated on are now using this type of software to catch the cheating spouse. In At-Fault states, men have used this on their cheating spouses so that they don't get cleaned out on spousal support and for custody battles.

I know to teenagers it sounds like a huge invasion of privacy to have your texts and messages looked at. But those are the joys of being under 18. Once you're out on your own, you don't have to live under the tyranical rule of the evil parents!111!!!1!

[IAmBBJosh]

As the other reply said, if the spyed on person is a minor, no lawsuit will stand.

See my reply to that above.

I know to teenagers it sounds like a huge invasion of privacy to have your texts and messages looked at. But those are the joys of being under 18. Once you're out on your own, you don't have to live under the tyranical rule of the evil parents!111!!!1!

It is a huge invasion of privacy to have all messages on your personal phone monitored, simple as that. You're just trying to justify it with assumptions and over-protective and frankly creepy parenting.

[mckinnie]

There is being concerned and there is over-controlling. Reading their text messages is over-kill.

Parents wonder why their kids go crazy, sneak around, and get in a bunch of trouble whenever they have the opportunity when they were suffocated their whole lives.

[IAmBBJosh]

There is being concerned and there is over-controlling. Reading their text messages is over-kill.

Parents wonder why their kids go crazy, sneak around, and get in a bunch of trouble whenever they have the opportunity when they were suffocated their whole lives.

You just summed it all up perfectly.

[kilted thrower]

This is true, too. As well as the fact that, if a teenager wants to do something bad, they're gonna find a way to do it.

Reminds me of when I started walking home from school and passed a newsagent everyday. My mum rarely let me have junk food and fizzy drinks, so I loaded up on them now that I had the chance!

Well, of course, if someone absolutely wants to get away with something, sure they can get away with it. But I'd rather know as a parent that I did everything possible to be proactive than just give my teenager a free run. I know that my daughter could use someone elses phone or that she can get a bathroom pass and engage in an orgy in the bathroom. However, a parent should monitor their children's activities. How awesome would it be if you had kids and they were getting drunk at a party and one of your kids was a daughter and was having sex at the party? And then they get in another drunk students care to get a ride home and they crash and die on teh way home. And all you had to do was pick up the phone and confirm that an adult would be present.

And while those might be extreme examples, they are examples of things that do happen when parents are not proactive.

Gee, if only there were tests, pills, and abortions for that kind of improbable event...

Advancements have come a long way in the last 15-20 years. Abortion shouldn't even be allowed except in rape cases. You get pregnant...you're raising the baby. Nothing is foolproof. They certainly didn't have the morning after pill back then.

Here's food for thought. There's a town not too far from where I live. 12 years ago, the blood bank bus rolled up to take blood. When they tested the blood, 68% of the seniors had contracted HIV. I don't see a lot of safe sex happening there. And it's not this is just a weird coincidence of unprotected sex happening in Oklahoma.