[PeterD]

Seems to me the OP wants to abdicate parenting responsibility because its easier to use a spy program than teach your children correctly.

Parenting is a full time job that requires patience, understanding, and common sense. Sometimes you can be your child�s best friend, other times you are the big bad authority figure.

If your relationship with your child is so bad that you can�t trust them with a phone, then you have failed.

Kids must be taught right from wrong, educated in the dangers that exist in our world, and given responsibility.

So instead of putting in the time and effort to properly raise a child, perhaps some people want to assuage their conscience by �doing something� like installing spyware on their phone. This lets them sleep better at night I guess.

[syb0rg]

Let me get this straight, I have to be a bigger person because you're a paranoid maniac, who can justify spying on someone? No. Again, thinking like this is why Guantanimo even existed in the first place. I don't live in regret, or with sorrow.

Let me elaborate a bit though;

I think if you pay for the phone, do whatever you want. It's your money being used on whatever the kids doing.

If the kid is paying for it though? Damn right I think it's wrong. You're in their business. Regardless of whether it's in your name or not, they're paying for that service and it is a CRIME. If your kid put up cameras in your house and caught you cheating, because they were suspicious, would you be ok with that? By some of your guys' logic, apparently you would.

by your post in this thread it seems that you have a lot of bitterness in your soul against your parents, for one reason or another. And i know alot of kids that do.. .. .. I just hope and pray the three of you work it out in due time, so when it's to late to enjoy the fellowship of your family.... you will not regret it.

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[syb0rg]

Direct confrontation is a much better solution then secretly spying on them. I'd rather have my parents grab my phone outta my hand and read my texts and yell at me about it then secretly spying on me.

What are you going to do when you find a text message about (insert bad thing here)? Bring it up to them that you've been secretly compromising their privacy ever since they had a cell phone?

Kids grew up perfectly fine for the past thousands of years, just because of advances in technology make things like this easier, doesn't mean you have to do it.

Kids were left alone 30/40/50 years ago because you don't have all the sex driven industries today. Movies, Music, TV shows.

Heck when i was growing up only 3 things grabbed my attention 1) baseball 2) BMX bikes 3) RC cars.

I can point to three girls, that i know personally through the volunteer program i worked for, that have had/ or currently do have STDs and or kids.... all under the age of 16.... pretty sad day.

I have 11 year old nephew, who was just given a cell phone... 3 wks later he got it taken away due to what other girls were sending him....and his parents used a "SMS tracker" and saw where there son repeatedly asked them to stop sending him such messages....

and you ask yourself.... "leave kids alone"?

they cannot be trusted, and they need an eye to guide them along the road... using tools to help guide kids is good in my book.... but ignoring them and "letting kids be kids"... its a sad day in my house when i stop caring about my kids.

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[grotty]

Kids were left alone 30/40/50 years ago because you don't have all the sex driven industries today. Movies, Music, TV shows.

Heck when i was growing up only 3 things grabbed my attention 1) baseball 2) BMX bikes 3) RC cars.

I can point to three girls, that i know personally through the volunteer program i worked for, that have had/ or currently do have STDs and or kids.... all under the age of 16.... pretty sad day.

I have 11 year old nephew, who was just given a cell phone... 3 wks later he got it taken away due to what other girls were sending him....and his parents used a "SMS tracker" and saw where there son repeatedly asked them to stop sending him such messages....

and you ask yourself.... "leave kids alone"?

they cannot be trusted, and they need an eye to guide them along the road... using tools to help guide kids is good in my book.... but ignoring them and "letting kids be kids"... its a sad day in my house when i stop caring about my kids.

Wow stereotypical much!? I know plenty of teenagers hat are better off than most adults..have steady jobs, do good in school and even volunteer to do work at nursing homes, schools etc and are very active in the community.. Your attempt to. Make all kids seem bad has failed terribly

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[lovemythemes]

@mjneid ; why did his phone get taken away? if you say that he "repeatedly asked them to stop sending him such messages.... "?

[happygirl7973]

MJNeid makes a great point. While I can, and do, teach my children appropriate behavior, I cannot stop other people's children from misbehaving. I trust my kids completely. I have not installed the dexrex app on their phones. However, they know I will do it in a heartbeat if I want to. Additionally, I did, over Christmas break, put a GPS tracker on each kids' BB. My oldest one was mad; my younger one didn't care. Guess who was being honest about their whereabouts?

As far as I'm concerned, although I pay for their phones, as long as they live in my house they follow my rules and I am legally responsible. Therefore, even if my kids were to get jobs and pay for their own phones, I am still responsible for their behavior. There have been a few incidents here in Ohio where teens have been arrested for "sexting" and sending nude pictures of themselves. I'm just here to make sure my kids don't get in trouble.

To the OP: Try dexrex. It's free. No harm in trying. You could, if you wanted to, hide the icon. Or you could tell your kiddo that you're doing it. Either way, it may serve your purposes. Also, at times people on this forum can be pretty judgemental. Don't let your first impression turn you away.

[syb0rg]

@mjneid ; why did his phone get taken away? if you say that he "repeatedly asked them to stop sending him such messages.... "?

They were sending picture messages that were inappropriate for anyone under the age of 18, then he would ask them to stop and they'd use terminology or phrase that you know they "had" to hear stuff from adults.

i don't know how to say it without being blut...

they were very adult in conversation....

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[grotty]

To the OP: Try dexrex. It's free. No harm in trying. You could, if you wanted to, hide the icon. Or you could tell your kiddo that you're doing it. Either way, it may serve your purposes. Also, at times people on this forum can be pretty judgemental. Don't let your first impression turn you away.

See now I can see that being ok..its one thing to tell them if you do it.. Its another to hide it.. If you hide it.. Wait till they find out, the things they do then will be far worse than what they are doing not.. (Assuming they ARE doing something wrong)

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[syb0rg]

Wow stereotypical much!? I know plenty of teenagers hat are better off than most adults..have steady jobs, do good in school and even volunteer to do work at nursing homes, schools etc and are very active in the community.. Your attempt to. Make all kids seem bad has failed terribly

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I'm not saying that all kids are the pure spawn of Satan, i am saying some of them need a nudge to keep them on the right track and some of them need a beating (figure of speech) to keep them on the right track.

There are alot of good kids out there.... i was one of them. i know this, for a fact. i can go into details but it really doesn't matter.

And there are lot of kids that need stronger urges to keep them on the straight and narrow.

And our Lovely Government prevents us from keeping children in like like our grandparents kept our parents in line.

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[MissJennell#IM]

This is literally no different than your boss spying on your phone, and busting you for whatever you do that they see as wrong. Let your kids make mistakes. Yeah, we live in a crazy time with technology, but that doesn't make spying on them ok, or justified. Parents like you guys are the whole reason a country gets away with phone tapping, people disappearing, etc, etc. It kind of makes me sick how far you'll go to 'protect' this generation.

Clearly, lawn darts didn't clear out enough of the crazies of Generation Y. Despite what kind of bubble you want to create for your kid, they'll either break it and do what they want regardless, or you'll just keep distancing your children from you.

When you're alone on your deathbed, and your kid won't talk to you, try to remember the name of the spyware that caused that rift.

And when the police come to your door to tell you your child has died of an over dose or been raped and murdered by someone they met online I am sure you will be wishing to god you had not trusted them so much. When you are underage you have to rights. Especially no rights to privacy. Then again I teach my children right from wrong and would sure as **** never get them a blackberry. My oldest has an 8 year old phone and the only people he can call is me, his dad, grandparents, my work, his dads work, and the school and 911. I don't care about his rights. That is not my job as a parent. My job is to keep him safe and make sure he gets and education and learns right from wrong. And saying that taking away his freedoms and rights is going to make him hate me when I get older, hahahahahahahaha. My parents gave me way to much freedom and I hate them. I am surprised I didn't end up dead. They may hate me when they are teens. But they will be glad that I actually punished them when they get older and are productive members of society. A huge part of the problem with kids today is parents want to be their friend instead of their parent. Its called punishment people. How else will our kids learn there are consequences for their actions.

And to the op. If you pay the bill then get online and check how many texts she is sending a day and tell her she better have that many on her phone for you to read at the end of the day. You don't have to read them all the time. But once in a while so she doesn't know when and talking about things she shouldn't be. Or take away her phone.

[syb0rg]

See now I can see that being ok..its one thing to tell them if you do it.. Its another to hide it.. If you hide it.. Wait till they find out, the things they do then will be far worse than what they are doing not.. (Assuming they ARE doing something wrong)

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i never once said i will hide my doings from my daughter.... but i will have control of her phone, when the time comes.

If you knew anything about me, or who i am, you'd see i don't hide anything from anyone.

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[syb0rg]

MJNeid makes a great point. While I can, and do, teach my children appropriate behavior, I cannot stop other people's children from misbehaving. I trust my kids completely. I have not installed the dexrex app on their phones. However, they know I will do it in a heartbeat if I want to. Additionally, I did, over Christmas break, put a GPS tracker on each kids' BB. My oldest one was mad; my younger one didn't care. Guess who was being honest about their whereabouts?

As far as I'm concerned, although I pay for their phones, as long as they live in my house they follow my rules and I am legally responsible. Therefore, even if my kids were to get jobs and pay for their own phones, I am still responsible for their behavior. There have been a few incidents here in Ohio where teens have been arrested for "sexting" and sending nude pictures of themselves. I'm just here to make sure my kids don't get in trouble.

To the OP: Try dexrex. It's free. No harm in trying. You could, if you wanted to, hide the icon. Or you could tell your kiddo that you're doing it. Either way, it may serve your purposes. Also, at times people on this forum can be pretty judgemental. Don't let your first impression turn you away.

I think if the state stepped in and started making the parents of the child as responsible as the child, in actions like this. The !@#$ would hit the fan and it would slow down to a grinding stop.

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[lovemythemes]

They were sending picture messages that were inappropriate for anyone under the age of 18, then he would ask them to stop and they'd use terminology or phrase that you know they "had" to hear stuff from adults.

i don't know how to say it without being blut...

they were very adult in conversation....

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Oh, I see.
I was just wondering.

[syb0rg]

Oh, I see.
I was just wondering.

no problem....

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[PeterD]

some of them need a beating to keep them on the right track.

You have just disqualified yourself from the human race. Congratulations

[2nd II None]

Trust me, you don't want to track what your daughter is talking about through emails and text messages. The biggest reasons is, what are you going to say to her if you find she's talking about something inappropriate with a boy? Such as 'joking' sex messages back and forth.....

What are you going to say? 'I've been spying on your phone and I see what you are talking about'. She'll never trust or forget that experience for as long as she lives.

Don't do it. As long as she keeps her grades where they need to be, and she doesn't get into any trouble [no cops, doesn't get caught stealing at stores, isn't hanging around the wrong people, etc], just leave her alone.

[BigBadWulf]

You have just disqualified yourself from the human race. Congratulations

Oh good grief! A little disipline is sometimes needed. They used to paddle in school , and kids treated teachers with a modicum of respect. Neighbors were allowed to spank, and we didn't have half the problems we have today. I commend the OP for wanting to utilize every tool available.

WAPers do it With A Passion
If everyone spoke Wulfanese�, they wouldn't need to click here for a translation.

Click Here To Be Banned* I'm a Survivor Baby!Go Team Gemini

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[syb0rg]

Oh good grief! A little disipline is sometimes needed. They used to paddle in school , and kids treated teachers with a modicum of respect. Neighbors were allowed to spank, and we didn't have half the problems we have today. I commend the OP for wanting to utilize every tool available.

WAPers do it With A Passion
If everyone spoke Wulfanese�, they wouldn't need to click here for a translation.

Click Here To Be Banned* I'm a Survivor Baby!Go Team Gemini

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Think about it my good friend

They say " no more spanking "

then you have kids with ADD

"they" issue medical treatments

Said medical treatments don't work

"they" say your kid has ADHD

"they" issue stronger medical treatments

Said medical treatments don't work

Now they are diagnosing kids with O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) read up on it

I know how to fix it... !@#$ whoopin every now and then v. "time out"....

send a kid to their room... where the TV, DVD, Computer, Cell phone, and every other item them kids owns is..

Why not bust their !@#$ , give em some time to think about, throw on some extra chores

and before little suzie/johnny smith decides to screw up... they'll think.... naw... not worth it in the long run.

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[RideMadone]

Trust me, you don't want to track what your daughter is talking about through emails and text messages. The biggest reasons is, what are you going to say to her if you find she's talking about something inappropriate with a boy? Such as 'joking' sex messages back and forth.....

What are you going to say? 'I've been spying on your phone and I see what you are talking about'. She'll never trust or forget that experience for as long as she lives.

Don't do it. As long as she keeps her grades where they need to be, and she doesn't get into any trouble [no cops, doesn't get caught stealing at stores, isn't hanging around the wrong people, etc], just leave her alone.

You are definitely not a parent or you are the worse parent of all time. What am I going to say to my daughter? I am going to tell her what she is doing is wrong. I am going to correct her inappropriate behavior. That is what a parent is suppose to do. I am a parent first and a friend a FAR distant second. I pay for her phone and computer and have the right to see what she (and my sons) are doing any time I want.

What if I could stop her from doing something really stupid. Kids make mistakes. That's what they do. Little mistakes are no big deal but big ones ruin lives. Parents who are afraid to parent are why some kids today are soooooooo rotten. Trust and friendship are important but when asked, most kids say they wish their parents cared more. When you care about kids you teach them right from wrong and keep them out of trouble.

Just my 2 cents.

[lovemythemes]

You have just disqualified yourself from the human race. Congratulations

Think about it my good friend

They say " no more spanking "

then you have kids with ADD

"they" issue medical treatments

Said medical treatments don't work

"they" say your kid has ADHD

"they" issue stronger medical treatments

Said medical treatments don't work

Now they are diagnosing kids with O.D.D. (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) read up on it

I know how to fix it... !@#$ whoopin every now and then v. "time out"....

send a kid to their room... where the TV, DVD, Computer, Cell phone, and every other item them kids owns is..

Why not bust their !@#$ , give em some time to think about, throw on some extra chores

and before little suzie/johnny smith decides to screw up... they'll think.... naw... not worth it in the long run.

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My brother has ADHD & He thinks it's okay to irritate the crap out of people on purpose.
Sometimes he even uses it as an excuse when he causes trouble.
& I agree with some people need to get spanked. Lol

[GlitchZero]

And when the police come to your door to tell you your child has died of an over dose or been raped and murdered by someone they met online I am sure you will be wishing to god you had not trusted them so much. When you are underage you have to rights. Especially no rights to privacy. Then again I teach my children right from wrong and would sure as **** never get them a blackberry. My oldest has an 8 year old phone and the only people he can call is me, his dad, grandparents, my work, his dads work, and the school and 911. I don't care about his rights. That is not my job as a parent. My job is to keep him safe and make sure he gets and education and learns right from wrong. And saying that taking away his freedoms and rights is going to make him hate me when I get older, hahahahahahahaha. My parents gave me way to much freedom and I hate them. I am surprised I didn't end up dead. They may hate me when they are teens. But they will be glad that I actually punished them when they get older and are productive members of society. A huge part of the problem with kids today is parents want to be their friend instead of their parent. Its called punishment people. How else will our kids learn there are consequences for their actions.

I love how them having their own phone that isn't monitored, 100% guaranteed ends up in rape, drug overdose, and death. The sun does still shine, lady. Not everything's so droll and dismal. And when you're underage, you actually do have rights. I defy you to go to a judge and say "No, my kids underage, it's ok if I broke his jaw with a 2x4, because he's not 18 he doesn't have any real rights."

You know who else says minors don't have rights? Pedophiles.

Also, you're clearly not dead. Which means you learned rules on your own, you learned (albeit very little) forms of respect, and you learned how to survive, and discipline. You can laugh all you want, but when your kids want nothing to do with you because they can never really trust you, don't be surprised. It happened to Generation Y too, except with that it was their alcoholic parents (our grandparents) that broke that trust. The cycle continues, just with a new medium.

[peargood]

If there's no trust between the parents and the kids, the relationship is bound to turn sour (especially if the kid has been good and nothing wrong had been done).
Everyone needs personal space even kids.

[MissJennell#IM]

I love how them having their own phone that isn't monitored, 100% guaranteed ends up in rape, drug overdose, and death. The sun does still shine, lady. Not everything's so droll and dismal. And when you're underage, you actually do have rights. I defy you to go to a judge and say "No, my kids underage, it's ok if I broke his jaw with a 2x4, because he's not 18 he doesn't have any real rights."

You know who else says minors don't have rights? Pedophiles.

Also, you're clearly not dead. Which means you learned rules on your own, you learned (albeit very little) forms of respect, and you learned how to survive, and discipline. You can laugh all you want, but when your kids want nothing to do with you because they can never really trust you, don't be surprised. It happened to Generation Y too, except with that it was their alcoholic parents (our grandparents) that broke that trust. The cycle continues, just with a new medium.

Did I ever say that it was 100% it would end up that way. No. And I never once mentioned the beating of children. As far as privacy rights with a phone a child under 18 has non as long as they are living at home.

Pedophiles are the sickest people on the face of the earth. They should all be put on to death row and killed. NOT EVEN OKAY!!

And how did I learn very little forms of respect? Because I think that kids should have to earn trust? My kids can trust me fully. I won't go behind their back and do anything. I am pretty sure I never said anything about going behind their back. I am always and will always be upfront with my kids. They have to earn trust. If they do things to prove they are trust worthy then they will get trust. If they do something that shows me they are not trust worthy then they will loose it. Its called responsible parenting. And teches kids that they can not do whatever they want and everything will be the same and end up just fine. They have consequences for their actions. If they do good things then they get good things. If they do bad things then bad things will happen. For example, just so you don't read to much into that, if they said they were going to friend a's house and I found out they were at a party drinking then they would be grounded and have privliages taken away and they would have to earn them back. If they were at friend a's house where they said they were going to be then they earn a little more trust and freedom. And they learn that they get more when they are truthful and not decietful.

[LazyStarGazer]

Let me get this straight, I have to be a bigger person because you're a paranoid maniac, who can justify spying on someone? No. Again, thinking like this is why Guantanimo even existed in the first place. I don't live in regret, or with sorrow.

Let me elaborate a bit though;

I think if you pay for the phone, do whatever you want. It's your money being used on whatever the kids doing.

If the kid is paying for it though? Damn right I think it's wrong. You're in their business. Regardless of whether it's in your name or not, they're paying for that service and it is a CRIME. If your kid put up cameras in your house and caught you cheating, because they were suspicious, would you be ok with that? By some of your guys' logic, apparently you would.

Guantanamo? Really?
Sorry, but you make me laugh because I know I sounded like you when I was younger.

I love how them having their own phone that isn't monitored, 100% guaranteed ends up in rape, drug overdose, and death. The sun does still shine, lady. Not everything's so droll and dismal. And when you're underage, you actually do have rights. I defy you to go to a judge and say "No, my kids underage, it's ok if I broke his jaw with a 2x4, because he's not 18 he doesn't have any real rights."

You know who else says minors don't have rights? Pedophiles.

Also, you're clearly not dead. Which means you learned rules on your own, you learned (albeit very little) forms of respect, and you learned how to survive, and discipline. You can laugh all you want, but when your kids want nothing to do with you because they can never really trust you, don't be surprised. It happened to Generation Y too, except with that it was their alcoholic parents (our grandparents) that broke that trust. The cycle continues, just with a new medium.

LOL! Exagerrate much? You do realize you are taking things to preposterous extremes, right?

No wonder I drove my mom nuts.

[GlitchZero]

Did I ever say that it was 100% it would end up that way. No.

This is literally no different than your boss spying on your phone, and busting you for whatever you do that they see as wrong. Let your kids make mistakes. Yeah, we live in a crazy time with technology, but that doesn't make spying on them ok, or justified. Parents like you guys are the whole reason a country gets away with phone tapping, people disappearing, etc, etc. It kind of makes me sick how far you'll go to 'protect' this generation.

And when the police come to your door to tell you your child has died of an over dose or been raped and murdered by someone they met online I am sure you will be wishing to god you had not trusted them so much. When you are underage you have to rights.

You did, right there. ^^ I said my bit, and you said 'when they do' implying that having a child with their own unmonitored cellphone will lead to those kinds of consequences. You should read your own posts a little better, or clarify.

And I never once mentioned the beating of children. As far as privacy rights with a phone a child under 18 has non as long as they are living at home.

Again, you need to clarify. When you say;

When you are underage you have to rights.

I assume you meant 'no rights', then you say no rights. You never mentioned privacy rights, or anything of the sort. That's why I used the extreme example of child abuse. Also, maybe in your home. I've had a phone since I was 14 (a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, when phones didn't have cameras, colours, or music), and my parents never intruded into my business on my phone, nor did I intrude in theirs. A mutual respect. They stayed out of my business, I stayed out of theirs, and there was no police calls, drug overdoses, or online predators knocking at my door. Crazy, I know.

Pedophiles are the sickest people on the face of the earth. They should all be put on to death row and killed. NOT EVEN OKAY!!

I never said pedophilia is ok, I was using an example of people who have a like-minded mentality when it comes to children.

And how did I learn very little forms of respect?

The way you compose yourself on these boards gives me some idea. I've already seen you treating other members like dirt for less than what I've said to you. But like you said in another thread, it's not like you care regardless, so it won't really matter if I say this or not.

Because I think that kids should have to earn trust?

That's a terrible mentality to raise children with. You should trust your kids UNTIL they give you a reason not to. Innocent until proven guilty, I believe the saying is? I don't know what happened to you, but I usually trust in people until they give me a reason not to. When they do, lesson learned. If they don't, I learn I have someone I can really trust in. Especially with my own children, I would not assume the worst and think they would betray my trust before it happens. I would give them the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise, but that's just me. I guess I'm too soft.

<snip>
Its called responsible parenting. And teches kids that they can not do whatever they want and everything will be the same and end up just fine. They have consequences for their actions.

You know what else teaches them that? Sticking their hand in an oven. It's definitely not the smartest or safest way, but if you tell a kid 'hey, if you put your hand on this burner, those burns are going to be consequences of your actions.' it teaches them the same thing, but that would not be responsible parenting. You should be really word your posts better.

just so you don't read to much into that

I'm not, don't worry.

, if they said they were going to friend a's house and I found out they were at a party drinking then they would be grounded and have privliages taken away and they would have to earn them back. If they were at friend a's house where they said they were going to be then they earn a little more trust and freedom. And they learn that they get more when they are truthful and not decietful.

And would you justify unknown GPS, SMS, and email tracking as justification to find out whether they were at said hypothetical party or at said hypothetical friends house?

EDIT:

LOL! Exagerrate much? You do realize you are taking things to preposterous extremes, right?

Glad I could make you laugh.

Yes, it is quite the exaggeration, I agree. But if you read the post I quoted in direct context, that's what MissJennel was insinuating. If teenagers have their own unmonitored cellphones, those things will eventually happen to them.