I've searched for the answer to my situation and haven't found a working solution.
Apparently I want to do the opposite of what RIM intended when they designed the sound settings for the Tour. For instant messages I want the phone to ring and vibrate while it is in the holster (i.e. on my hip/desk/table), but only flash the LED when not in the holster (i.e. in my hand). It is aggravating to have the ringtone for IMs to go off while I'm looking right at them.
Any information on settings or even suggestions for third party apps would be welcome.
