[N2DFire]

O.K. - so when the storm cam out I decided it was time to become a crack head - wait - a crackBERRY head. So I bought 2 Storms - one for me & one for the Mrs.

Went to the same "Verizon Store" that I had been going to for years - got put on the waiting list for the next batch and on 13-Dec-08 we went "live" on the storms.


Now - reading here probably hasn't helped things much (sorry) but the last couple of weeks I have thought that the bottom of the screen (near the buttons) wasn't as easy to click as the rest of the screen - on both units.
Plus mine has considerable dust build up in the screen.


So yesterday - off went the Mrs back to the same store we bought them from to see if we could get them exchanged.

Now - I know that there are Verizon (Corporate) stores as well as "Authorized Resellers" - like Best Buy, Radio Shack, Bubbas House of Wireless, etc. But in all my days I would have never thought that a Storefront that simply says "Verizon Wireless" and everything in the store is verizon and all the employees hand out business cards with "Verizon Wireless" on it - would be an "Authorized Reseller" and not a corporate store.

Anyhoo - seems it was and when the Mrs finally got to talk to someone and explained the issue - she was told that they couldn't help her and that she'd have to go to a corporate store & talk with the Tech/Service Dept (If they gave her a reason for this, she never relayed it to me).

(And for the record - I am much unhappy at this point)

Next the drives over to the "Corporate Store" - shows the tech my phone with the dust & instantly we have a replacement on the way.

Next She explains how they are both hard to click - he "examined" the phone, told her it was working fine and that they (corporate verizon) wouldn't replace it because it was purchased through the "authorized reseller" and that it wasn't a warranty issue since he deemed the phone was working fine.

She has called me @ work & put the tech on the phone with me at this point.

(For the record - I am now VERY much unhappy!)

So he then gives her the 800 # to tech support and says that I can perhaps call and explain the problem differently to a tech there and get the phone replaced.

So now the Mrs comes by my office, brings my phone back to me & gives me the VZW Support info.

I give myself some time to "reflect" on the situation (i.e. cool off) before calling the Tech Support Number.

I then called the 800 # and was put through (fairly quickly) to a lady whom I explained that I had a storm that had an issue with clicking parts of the screen and described the specific area stating that it felt like it took more force to push this part of the screen to get a click than other parts of the screen.

She then began to tell me to look at some settings under options, etc.

My Mistake #1 - I told her I didn't have her phone with me but I also had a BB of my own.

My Mistake #2 - instead of just playing "dumb" and walking through the steps - I told her that I was a software programmer by trade and asked how a software setting could alter the amount of force required to make one specific area of the screen "click" ?

She immediately responded (rather curtly IMO but hey maybe she was having a bad day) - "Sir - if you don't have the unit in front of you, then we can't trouble shoot it - is there anything else I can help you with today?"

I thanked her, said "No-mam - have a nice day" and hung up.


(And by now I was extremely very not happy - some with myself but mostly with verizon).

Lessons learned - A "Verizon Store" may not always BE a Verizon Store (Perspective Buyer Beware !!).

Having been a wireless customer since '94 (with a company that was absorbed by Verizon) that NEVER misses a payment, always upgrades every two years, and currently has 4 lines on his plan; you would think a *little better* customer service would be in order here.

So now I'm left wondering how to swap this supposedly non-defective blackberry since the Mrs is working nights for the next 5 days (er nights).

Maybe I'll try calling Tech Support again.

[Chrisy]

try: 1 866 406 5154

[bigslam123]

Switch phones with her and then call hers in again when it is in front of you. they have to go through those steps b4 they can get authorization for a replacement.

[crackberryfan]

Your original contract or paperwork from the Storm likely has markings/wording on it to show the store is an authorized reseller. Unfortunately, given the layout of the store, this may have been your only hint.

[scywin]

I always find writing to the CEO clears up customer service issues. The reaction is typically someone in the CEOs office writes a note saying "take care of this" and it goes down the chain of command instead of up the chain. Since VZW is 51 percent owned by VZ, I would write a letter to Mr. Ivan Seidenberg, CEO of VZ. Let him know you are considering switching. If you have VZ in your home mention that piece of business as well.

If that doesn't solve it, switch carriers.

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

[Wrengirl]

Sorry you had that experience. The confusion between the "authorized resellers" is rampant. Funny, though, I just got off the phone with Verizon's customer service. I'd emailed them about a billing question. They forgot to answer for a day or two and called me personally to apologize, then helped me out, gave me some unsolicited suggestions that were helpful in regard to the phones.

I hope you get your problem solved to your satisfaction. One of the main reasons I've been with Verizon for years is because of their customer service and tech support. Normally it's stellar.

[collide.six]

It will also help if you are very specific about the problem.
i.e. It doesn't click on the bottom of the screen in portrait mode. It doesn't make a clicking sound like it should. It takes a lot of force for the screen to register input and feels like you may break it. You have tried another Storm that doesn't have this problem and it clicks the same on all parts of the screen. You are not satisfied with the device.

[SilvioBenussi]

O.K. - so when the storm cam out I decided it was time to become a crack head - wait - a crackBERRY head. So I bought 2 Storms - one for me & one for the Mrs.

Went to the same "Verizon Store" that I had been going to for years - got put on the waiting list for the next batch and on 13-Dec-08 we went "live" on the storms.


Now - reading here probably hasn't helped things much (sorry) but the last couple of weeks I have thought that the bottom of the screen (near the buttons) wasn't as easy to click as the rest of the screen - on both units.
Plus mine has considerable dust build up in the screen.


So yesterday - off went the Mrs back to the same store we bought them from to see if we could get them exchanged.

Now - I know that there are Verizon (Corporate) stores as well as "Authorized Resellers" - like Best Buy, Radio Shack, Bubbas House of Wireless, etc. But in all my days I would have never thought that a Storefront that simply says "Verizon Wireless" and everything in the store is verizon and all the employees hand out business cards with "Verizon Wireless" on it - would be an "Authorized Reseller" and not a corporate store.

Anyhoo - seems it was and when the Mrs finally got to talk to someone and explained the issue - she was told that they couldn't help her and that she'd have to go to a corporate store & talk with the Tech/Service Dept (If they gave her a reason for this, she never relayed it to me).

(And for the record - I am much unhappy at this point)

Next the drives over to the "Corporate Store" - shows the tech my phone with the dust & instantly we have a replacement on the way.

Next She explains how they are both hard to click - he "examined" the phone, told her it was working fine and that they (corporate verizon) wouldn't replace it because it was purchased through the "authorized reseller" and that it wasn't a warranty issue since he deemed the phone was working fine.

She has called me @ work & put the tech on the phone with me at this point.

(For the record - I am now VERY much unhappy!)

So he then gives her the 800 # to tech support and says that I can perhaps call and explain the problem differently to a tech there and get the phone replaced.

So now the Mrs comes by my office, brings my phone back to me & gives me the VZW Support info.

I give myself some time to "reflect" on the situation (i.e. cool off) before calling the Tech Support Number.

I then called the 800 # and was put through (fairly quickly) to a lady whom I explained that I had a storm that had an issue with clicking parts of the screen and described the specific area stating that it felt like it took more force to push this part of the screen to get a click than other parts of the screen.

She then began to tell me to look at some settings under options, etc.

My Mistake #1 - I told her I didn't have her phone with me but I also had a BB of my own.

My Mistake #2 - instead of just playing "dumb" and walking through the steps - I told her that I was a software programmer by trade and asked how a software setting could alter the amount of force required to make one specific area of the screen "click" ?

She immediately responded (rather curtly IMO but hey maybe she was having a bad day) - "Sir - if you don't have the unit in front of you, then we can't trouble shoot it - is there anything else I can help you with today?"

I thanked her, said "No-mam - have a nice day" and hung up.


(And by now I was extremely very not happy - some with myself but mostly with verizon).

Lessons learned - A "Verizon Store" may not always BE a Verizon Store (Perspective Buyer Beware !!).

Having been a wireless customer since '94 (with a company that was absorbed by Verizon) that NEVER misses a payment, always upgrades every two years, and currently has 4 lines on his plan; you would think a *little better* customer service would be in order here.

So now I'm left wondering how to swap this supposedly non-defective blackberry since the Mrs is working nights for the next 5 days (er nights).

Maybe I'll try calling Tech Support again.

Your entire post is what us keen folk consider COMMON SENSE.

Your anger stems from your incompetence.
It's because of people like you who are the ignorant, raise ****, post incoherent ramblings such as this for some semblance of pity.

A customer is a customer to VZN. The fact you have 4 lines, and all of that self righteous babble you posted is irrelevant. I have a Pink Pony. Should I get better service from Mattel because *I* have a Pink Pony? For the love of logic and deductive reasoning I hope not.

Mistake #1 from your post is this:
You bought 2 Storms, and had your wife do most of the leg work?
Then when her answers were simply inefficient you *became* unhappy through no fault of your own and went to your store you've been going to for years....then put on waiting lists for the next batch of Storms....(for years NOT KNOWING THEY WEREN'T corporate? -WOW)

Mistake #2:
You should KNOW who you are buying from.
There is no possible way that you bought from an "authorised reseller" that appeared to be VZN wireless, and dresses up as VZN wireless....and you NOT be able to see the difference from a corporate store to that of the reseller.


If not, you need to ASK questions.
Failing to communicate your thoughts into words becomes your fault.
Not the stores', not your wifes' -YOURS-

Mistake #3:
WHO in their right mind calls Tech support, begins a trouble shooting sequence and NOT have their phone with them????
This is madness! This is absurd! What is more absurd is the fact you got mad at them!!! (for trying to help you!!!!)
All you had to do, was address your issues. The phone wasn't needed to address them. Dust under the screen can't be fixed with any sort of over the phone support, you know that, right?

Blaming people is lame.
I'm all for posting things that alert people but you're complaining simply because your ego was hurt....- big difference.

Then your story takes a turn into fartland when all of a sudden either your wife talked too much, OR your story is flawed.
She mentions the dust, and according to you: replacement issued...
WHY the need to mention the clicking screen issue when replacements were issued? Or was it just one phone? Your writing eludes us.

Anyway your story is incoherent and needs work.
So take some time to, uh *reflect* and rewrite it? It might help.

Lessons learned:
Don't B-lame me for reading your public post and Pwning it.
Don't B-lame others because they can see what you have yet to see.

Get the phones yourself.
Ask the right questions.
Know what you can and can't do BEFORE you commit to a cell phone Co.

In the end you should focus your anger into determination, and perseverance for it's the patient people who truly
get what they want, and it sounds like you have an attitude problem? You may also be passive aggressive as well, and well it's that moment when you should speak, and address your concerns instead of venting here because we cannot help you.

[Roboto]

Your entire post is what us keen folk consider COMMON SENSE.

and blah blah blah.

Are you just feeling like being a b1tch tonight or do you feel like getting your 4ss kicked by everyone here? In either case, he is what I have to say.

A new VZW opened in my neighborhood locally. It is a simple rectangular shaped store with a couple fake phones on either side. This is the first VZW I've ever been in, and now I have to consider it may in fact be an authorized resaler for a big reason: I've been to ANOTHER VZW store recently in a different (albeit more populated) area. It is an elegantly shaped building with multitudes of real display phones, including two working Storms and a single fake Storm, compared to the 0 fake or real Storms at mine. Now that I know there are VZWs like this...maybe there is a difference between corporate and non.

Besides that, I highly doubt this was user incompetence. If my monitor - right now - started flickering in different spots because of poor Gauss handling (yes it's CRT), I would be on the phone in minutes. Say I didn't have the number with me so I take the monitor to a computer repair shop. Later that day, I call them up and ask for a replacement because the repair shop told me I couldn't have it fixed. I haven't picked up the monitor from them, so I do not have it at the time I make the call. I sure as he|l would be angry if they wouldn't consider my issues with the monitor if I didn't have it with me to do stupid tests like "Have you attempted to degauss it and download the latest drivers for your video card?" If I am having issues, I shouldn't have to put on my hockey mask and wield a chainsaw to get my replacement. If asking ******** questions is protocol, ok, fine. I'll do it. He|l, I'll even lie and say I'm doing it just to get through to them.

I think you are having issues with this.

"Mistake #3:
WHO in their right mind calls Tech support, begins a trouble shooting sequence and NOT have their phone with them????"

I would. If I know my issue is hardware related, anything I tap or prod on the phone isn't going to make a lick of difference. Prove me wrong. Tell me RIGHT NOW that a device update or options change is going to physically manipulate his device's screen depression.

What was that? You can't?

If I buy my TV from anywhere else besides Sonystyle, I buy from a resaler. I'd expect my best buy or radioshack or whatnot to fix what they sold me. Period. I write their paycheck, they fix my gear.

Thank you N2Dfire, I'll definitely have to see if my local store is corporate or not now. Not that it should matter, but unfortunately, if what you say is true, it does.

Afterword:

"A customer is a customer to VZN. The fact you have 4 lines, and all of that self righteous babble you posted is irrelevant. I have a Pink Pony. Should I get better service from Mattel because *I* have a Pink Pony? For the love of logic and deductive reasoning I hope not."

Translates to:

He writes them a bigger check than average-Joe one liner. He should get bigger (better) service. If they lost him, that'd be comparable to losing 4 people with a single line. Shouldn't they put some priority on making him happy?

[Oreo931]

Your entire post is what us keen folk consider COMMON SENSE.

A customer is a customer to VZN. The fact you have 4 lines, and all of that self righteous babble you posted is irrelevant.

YOUR entire post is what us keen folk consider BEING A D.O.U.C.H.E.

A customer is not "just a customer." It costs more for Verizon to get a new customer than it does for them to keep a current customer. Just because he got the runaround from a bunch of idiots doesnt make it his fault. Instead of "pwning" him, you could have offered constructive criticism, such as:

-Call customer service back, explain your problem to a supervisor, and tell them you are ready to switch carriers if they dont work with you.
-Be more adamant about having Verizon replace your phones
-etc etc.

[islandgal808]

YOUR entire post is what us keen folk consider BEING A D.O.U.C.H.E.

A customer is not "just a customer." It costs more for Verizon to get a new customer than it does for them to keep a current customer. Just because he got the runaround from a bunch of idiots doesnt make it his fault. Instead of "pwning" him, you could have offered constructive criticism, such as:

-Call customer service back, explain your problem to a supervisor, and tell them you are ready to switch carriers if they dont work with you.
-Be more adamant about having Verizon replace your phones
-etc etc.

Good luck trying to get ANYONE to call you back. I'm been waiting for 2 weeks now for someone from the tech department and now the Supervisor to call me back. And all I get everytime I call is "We'll have someone call you back within 48 hours"

[pathymo]

I'm sorry, but Silvio's entire post is right. Everything that happened to the OP is the OP's fault, no one else's.

With the recent Alltel merger, VZW is the largest cell phone provider in the US. They have 83.7 million subscribers. I am fairly certain they could give a rat's a** if they lose 1 guy with 4 lines because of his lack of information.

[jeffmvr]

I'm sorry, but Silvio's entire post is right. Everything that happened to the OP is the OP's fault, no one else's.

With the recent Alltel merger, VZW is the largest cell phone provider in the US. They have 83.7 million subscribers. I am fairly certain they could give a rat's a** if they lose 1 guy with 4 lines because of his lack of information.

100% wrong. I was able to get 6 months of free Comcast service by talking to somebody in the CEOs office and threatening to quit. They will do whatever it takes to keep a customer.

The logic of "xyz could care less about ONE subscriber" is used by morons.

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

[rgntech07]

I know that dust can get under the screen and there is nothing that can be done. I replace the phone just because of that sometimes. I know that sometimes a rep doesn't really understand and that is why you ask for the next level of support. Some of you think that 1 customer with 4 lines doesn't mean anything just because VZW is the biggest? What about when there are no locked networks in the future and all companies have is Customer Service to rely on?? If you don't get your point across the first time you call, then call back and make it clear that you have been calling and there has been no resolution....support is there to help.

[pathymo]

100% wrong. I was able to get 6 months of free Comcast service by talking to somebody in the CEOs office and threatening to quit. They will do whatever it takes to keep a customer.

The logic of "xyz could care less about ONE subscriber" is used by morons.

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

Oooo, childish name calling on a phone forum I is so hurt.

Think whatever you want man. I work in an industry where this happens all the time. People think they are entitled to something. If they are justified its one thing, but when the customer gets angry because the rep is doing their job its another.

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

[asmallchild]

I'm sorry, but Silvio's entire post is right. Everything that happened to the OP is the OP's fault, no one else's.

With the recent Alltel merger, VZW is the largest cell phone provider in the US. They have 83.7 million subscribers. I am fairly certain they could give a rat's a** if they lose 1 guy with 4 lines because of his lack of information.

Well said. That's the power of being #1. There are a ton of people being swayed over not only to Verizon, but to the Storm, and the ensuing expensive data plan it commands.

You think they care about losing 1 old customer when there are a ton of new ones signing on?

As an interesting FYI, VZW is actually HIRING in this abysmal economy thanks to its merger with Alltel and overall growth. (Pretty impressive if you consider that even MSFT is firing people now) They are doing just fine now. They'll do just fine without you too.

[jeffmvr]

Oooo, childish name calling on a phone forum I is so hurt.

Think whatever you want man. I work in an industry where this happens all the time. People think they are entitled to something. If they are justified its one thing, but when the customer gets angry because the rep is doing their job its another.

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

I'm not speaking my opinion or thoughts, I actually gave a real example of how companys WILL cave in to customers. It happens all the time, I've gotten Verizon to do the same.

In this day, customers will get what they want. It's not even a question anymore.

And the name calling was justified. Deal with it.

[pathymo]

I'm not speaking my opinion or thoughts, I actually gave a real example of how companys WILL cave in to customers. It happens all the time, I've gotten Verizon to do the same.

In this day, customers will get what they want. It's not even a question anymore.

And the name calling was justified. Deal with it.

Ooo, you're so feisty. Look at your straight talk attitude. You really walk that walk....

I bet you're the kind of person who throws a hissy fit in a restaurant when the waiter brings you coke instead of diet coke. You know what happens to people like you? The waiter spits in your food. So keep your delusion that a company needs YOU to survive. Good for you that it worked for Comcast, and that you've gotten Verizon to "do the same". When you come up with some ridiculous excuse that you're going to switch to AT&T and get an iPhone because Verizon won't bend to your will, you're going to get someone that will say "Go right ahead, the ETF is $175", and Verizon will somehow miraculously continue to do business.

[asmallchild]

Ooo, you're so feisty. Look at your straight talk attitude. You really walk that walk....

I bet you're the kind of person who throws a hissy fit in a restaurant when the waiter brings you coke instead of diet coke. You know what happens to people like you? The waiter spits in your food. So keep your delusion that a company needs YOU to survive. Good for you that it worked for Comcast, and that you've gotten Verizon to "do the same". When you come up with some ridiculous excuse that you're going to switch to AT&T and get an iPhone because Verizon won't bend to your will, you're going to get someone that will say "Go right ahead, the ETF is $175", and Verizon will somehow miraculously continue to do business.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

[SilvioBenussi]

Are you just feeling like being a b1tch tonight or do you feel like getting your 4ss kicked by everyone here? In either case, here is what I have to say.

Now that I know there are VZWs like this...maybe there is a difference between corporate and non.

Exactly. NOW that you know. Your ignorance is equally noted compared with the OP's. If you simply did not know, fine but take responsibility for this, don't B-LAME Verizon or the storefront for this knowledge most other people know by simply doing their own due dilligence and some research...

Besides that, I highly doubt this was user incompetence. If my monitor - right now - started flickering in different spots because of poor Gauss handling (yes it's CRT), I would be on the phone in minutes. Say I didn't have the number with me so I take the monitor to a computer repair shop. Later that day, I call them up and ask for a replacement because the repair shop told me I couldn't have it fixed. I haven't picked up the monitor from them, so I do not have it at the time I make the call. I sure as he|l would be angry if they wouldn't consider my issues with the monitor if I didn't have it with me to do stupid tests like "Have you attempted to degauss it and download the latest drivers for your video card?" If I am having issues, I shouldn't have to put on my hockey mask and wield a chainsaw to get my replacement. If asking ******** questions is protocol, ok, fine. I'll do it. He|l, I'll even lie and say I'm doing it just to get through to them.

Lying gets people NO WHERE except criminals. Just because you do not get caught doesn't make you innocent from doing so, I'm not the law so I don't need to catch you in the act to convict you or find you to be a liar. You've admitted so, so NOW your character is called into question and YOU LOSE any credibility you *thought* you had!

I think you are having issues with this.

"Mistake #3:
WHO in their right mind calls Tech support, begins a trouble shooting sequence and NOT have their phone with them????"

I would. If I know my issue is hardware related, anything I tap or prod on the phone isn't going to make a lick of difference. Prove me wrong. Tell me RIGHT NOW that a device update or options change is going to physically manipulate his device's screen depression.

Your reading comprehension overwhelms me, it really does!!!!
There are steps and procedures out there to weed out the morons who simply call because they can't locate the power on button...Furthermore the OP has issues with communicating his intentions. It's obviously conceivable that the line of questioning employed by the CSR wasn't needed because OBVIOUSLY screen issues cannot be solved by software, hence the hardware/software differences in elecronics. YOU should be telling the OP this bit, not me. I was able to get a brand new in a box factory sealed replacement just by being HONEST, and citing my rights as a consumer, not some self proclaimed BS about how long I've been a customer, the damn computer screen their end already states that info! Next.

If I buy my TV from anywhere else besides Sonystyle, I buy from a resaler. I'd expect my best buy or radioshack or whatnot to fix what they sold me. Period. I write their paycheck, they fix my gear.

No one is disputing this you dolt!
The fact the OP was incompetent is (wait for it) HIS FAULT!!!!!!

If someone has rights, but does NOT exercise them, and I point it out...I'm not the bad guy here bonehead!!! I would expect you to LIE to the resaler anyway so whatever!

Afterword:


He writes them a bigger check than average-Joe one liner. He should get bigger (better) service. If they lost him, that'd be comparable to losing 4 people with a single line. Shouldn't they put some priority on making him happy?

No they shouldn't. IF your logic was true then WHY did I get overnight shipping TWICE for the same PHONE from Verizon?
WHY have they comped my minute usage?
WHY did they- anyway I've said too much.

I have (count it) 2 lines on my bill, ONLY 2...
I've received top level service from VZN......WHY?

-I don't make caca mamie excuses as to WHY I don't get what I want.
-Instead of cry, *****, moan and complain about my issues (on the internet no less) I conduct myself as a professional businessman, speak intelligently and eloquently, and guess what? I GET WHAT I WANT, because I don't settle for these ridiculous excuses people like the OP had done.

Next.

[SilvioBenussi]

YOUR entire post is what us keen folk consider BEING A D.O.U.C.H.E.

A customer is not "just a customer." It costs more for Verizon to get a new customer than it does for them to keep a current customer. Just because he got the runaround from a bunch of idiots doesnt make it his fault. Instead of "pwning" him, you could have offered constructive criticism, such as:

-Call customer service back, explain your problem to a supervisor, and tell them you are ready to switch carriers if they dont work with you.
-Be more adamant about having Verizon replace your phones
-etc etc.

If I'm a ******, then you aided and abetted a known MORON, and that is far worse than *Telling it like it is* -something you know NOTHING of because you get lied to everyday and you don't even know it!
I bet you believe you girlfriend when she tells you how good you look, huh?

I wasn't pwning him. He either needs to get better at voicing his opinions/thoughts and feelings OR get used to posting his unhappiness about his self made outcomes. It's the problem solving thinkers that get what they want because they have a PLAN when they do business. I'm always prepared. Being prepared is paramount.

100% wrong. I was able to get 6 months of free Comcast service by talking to somebody in the CEOs office and threatening to quit. They will do whatever it takes to keep a customer.

The logic of "xyz could care less about ONE subscriber" is used by morons.

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

From a Corporate standpoint, sure the OP is a valued customer.
The CSR's do NOT always agree.
This is WHY you need to never take no and persevere, or adversity will kick your a$$. Simple as that. I don't like people who complain, especially when they were the catalyst for the problematic outcome cited by the OP.

[SilvioBenussi]

Ooo, you're so feisty. Look at your straight talk attitude. You really walk that walk....

I bet you're the kind of person who throws a hissy fit in a restaurant when the waiter brings you coke instead of diet coke. You know what happens to people like you? The waiter spits in your food. So keep your delusion that a company needs YOU to survive. Good for you that it worked for Comcast, and that you've gotten Verizon to "do the same". When you come up with some ridiculous excuse that you're going to switch to AT&T and get an iPhone because Verizon won't bend to your will, you're going to get someone that will say "Go right ahead, the ETF is $175", and Verizon will somehow miraculously continue to do business.

Exactly.
Only within the first 30 days can you both return the phone and have VZN pay for your minute usage provided you actually go to another carrier.

I totally realize people make mistakes.
The ones that make mistakes (myself included) realize them, and Don't B-LAME other people for their misfortunes. They take responsibility for their actions, identify the cause, and ultimately RESOLVE the issue.

The others? Not so much, because they may lack the necessary vocabulary skills to facilitate a welcomed response from the *one who is capable of making the call to accept a return and hand over replacements.

YMMV IF you sound like someone who the CSR deems as one who might ask for a replacement because their screen looks bubbly...