06-11-13 03:46 PM
101 ... 2345
tools
  1. Angus_CB's Avatar
    Attachment 170127
    The other one is the late Stever Irwin.
    Wow, meaty.
    Not Steve.
    Cynycl likes this.
    06-09-13 06:56 PM
  2. FF22's Avatar
    Ok dude you asked for it so don't blame me.

    I read this earlier on and it's a genuine review on Amazon for a Veet for men product.

    (it was not me honestly but it's there on Amazon if you don't believe me.

    Be warned!!!!!! Have a grown up with you and be seated whilst reading!

    "After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
    I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
    At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
    Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
    This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
    Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect..."
    Kind of reminds me of the time I was ahem, finished in an outhouse only to find there was no paper. I used an alcohol based hand wipe - ROCKET FUEL!!!!
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-09-13 07:06 PM
  3. Barracuda7772's Avatar
    Must be a big cellar!
    no gahah justblotttsa beeer
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-09-13 07:10 PM
  4. eddy_berry's Avatar
    Ok dude you asked for it so don't blame me.

    I read this earlier on and it's a genuine review on Amazon for a Veet for men product.

    (it was not me honestly but it's there on Amazon if you don't believe me.

    Be warned!!!!!! Have a grown up with you and be seated whilst reading!

    "After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
    I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
    At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
    Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
    This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
    Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect..."
    OMG!!! Hahahahahaha. Oh man. I was not expecting that. Haha. To stay on topic OP was just talked out of getting Veet for Men.
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-09-13 07:23 PM
  5. Angus_CB's Avatar
    "...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect..."
    It took me two days but I finally finished the story.
    That was funny.
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-10-13 07:16 AM
  6. bambinoitaliano's Avatar
    Kind of reminds me of the time I was ahem, finished in an outhouse only to find there was no paper. I used an alcohol based hand wipe - ROCKET FUEL!!!!
    Or you can Keith Herring the outhouse.
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-10-13 08:38 AM
  7. bambinoitaliano's Avatar
    It took me two days but I finally finished the story.
    That was funny.
    That's just prologue.
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-10-13 08:44 AM
  8. sad_old_man's Avatar
    Attachment 170127
    The other one is the late Stever Irwin.
    Thank you for the edification but I saw a six foot mouse and that is clearly not a six foot mouse!

    This is a six foot mouse......
    Attached Thumbnails Talk me out of it!-imagkangeres.jpg  
    06-10-13 08:47 AM
  9. bambinoitaliano's Avatar
    Thank you for the edification but I saw a six foot mouse and that is clearly not a six foot mouse!

    This is a six foot mouse......
    Apparently every marsupial is a mouse to you. Instead of down under perhaps you have dig your way through South America.
    Perhaps it's a capybara?

    Posted via CB10
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-10-13 11:10 AM
  10. sad_old_man's Avatar
    Apparently every marsupial is a mouse to you. Instead of down under perhaps you have dig your way through South America.
    Perhaps it's a capybara?

    Posted via CB10
    Whatever the different people in different countries cal a six foot mouse I couldn't care less about. I only know that I had a life threatening near death experience with a six foot mouse! They could be poisonous or something even worse than that. My whole life flashed before me as I saw it's big huge large fangs coming towards me!!!! But I survived so it's all in the past now. By the way I rang my therapist and he doesn't believe me either. I'm still filling the hole in.

    Posted via CB10
    06-10-13 12:40 PM
  11. bambinoitaliano's Avatar
    Whatever the different people in different countries cal a six foot mouse I couldn't care less about. I only know that I had a life threatening near death experience with a six foot mouse! They could be poisonous or something even worse than that. My whole life flashed before me as I saw it's big huge large fangs coming towards me!!!! But I survived so it's all in the past now. By the way I rang my therapist and he doesn't believe me either. I'm still filling the hole in.


    Posted via CB10
    Poor old man. Usually if it's a big animal, it's unlikely to be poisonous. Though it might crunch your bones or swallow you whole.
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-10-13 12:47 PM
  12. sad_old_man's Avatar
    Poor old man. Usually if it's a big animal, it's unlikely to be poisonous. Though it might crunch your bones or swallow you whole.
    Thank you for that information, I feel a lot better now after that. Whatever you dont offer any help or advice on what to do when confronted with a six foot mouse that wants to crush your bones and swallow you whole will you? Mutter... mutter... probably what happened to the Egyptions and eh?

    Posted via CB10
    06-10-13 12:59 PM
  13. bambinoitaliano's Avatar
    Thank you for that information, I feel a lot better now after that. Whatever you dont offer any help or advice on what to do when confronted with a six foot mouse that wants to crush your bones and swallow you whole will you? Mutter... mutter... probably what happened to the Egyptions and eh?

    Posted via CB10
    I can't offer help when you have no respect for territory. Burrowing into the home of a 6 foot mouse. If you don't see any cat around, that should be a tell tale sign you are out of the protective zone.
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-10-13 01:11 PM
  14. sad_old_man's Avatar
    I can't offer help when you have no respect for territory. Burrowing into the home of a 6 foot mouse. If you don't see any cat around, that should be a tell tale sign you are out of the protective zone.
    Oh and pray may I ask what you, a fearless leader of cats that can eat humans in 10 seconds..... forget that's the bad tempered baby that I call Chucky, anyway your a cat where we're you when I needed you in my hole!

    Posted via CB10
    06-10-13 02:09 PM
  15. bambinoitaliano's Avatar
    Oh and pray may I ask what you, a fearless leader of cats that can eat humans in 10 seconds..... forget that's the bad tempered baby that I call Chucky, anyway your a cat where we're you when I needed you in my hole!

    Posted via CB10
    We don't do holes. Boxes maybe.
    06-10-13 03:53 PM
  16. sad_old_man's Avatar
    We don't do holes. Boxes maybe.
    I send this message to all those fortunate people in the world who do not know this forum exists and are still as yet unscathed by its insanity. Please do not contribute to this forum and retain your normal everyday life. If any of you are feeling charitable then may I also ask "GET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE!!!!!!!!"
    bambinoitaliano likes this.
    06-10-13 05:32 PM
  17. Barracuda7772's Avatar
    I send this message to all those fortunate people in the world who do not know this forum exists and are still as yet unscathed by its insanity. Please do not contribute to this forum and retain your normal everyday life. If any of you are feeling charitable then may I also ask "GET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE!!!!!!!!"
    I'm cool showing up in a segway
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-10-13 05:47 PM
  18. sad_old_man's Avatar
    I'm cool showing up in a segway
    Is this what my life has degenerated into Mr Fish? All I've done and worked for and I end up talking to a deluded, alcoholic cat that likes boxes and paper bags and wants to sit on people's faces?
    06-11-13 11:19 AM
  19. Barracuda7772's Avatar
    Is this what my life has degenerated into Mr Fish? All I've done and worked for and I end up talking to a deluded, alcoholic cat that likes boxes and paper bags and wants to sit on people's faces?
    life is what you make of it
    06-11-13 11:23 AM
  20. bambinoitaliano's Avatar
    Is this what my life has degenerated into Mr Fish? All I've done and worked for and I end up talking to a deluded, alcoholic cat that likes boxes and paper bags and wants to sit on people's faces?
    Why complicate life? That's why we love our playbook. Fewer apps and fewer games and with BB10 not updating...fewer functionality. Reminds me of days we use candles.
    FF22, sad_old_man and eddy_berry like this.
    06-11-13 12:33 PM
  21. Barracuda7772's Avatar
    Why complicate life? That's why we love our playbook. Fewer apps and fewer games and with BB10 not updating...fewer functionality. Reminds me of days we use candles.
    and the blood of our enemies to write letters
    sad_old_man and eddy_berry like this.
    06-11-13 12:43 PM
  22. sad_old_man's Avatar
    Why complicate life? That's why we love our playbook. Fewer apps and fewer games and with BB10 not updating...fewer functionality. Reminds me of days we use candles.
    You've just made me have a thought! I'll get my own back later but I must let this thought for a new thread fester in my head for a while. Thank you mister ***** cat!
    06-11-13 02:27 PM
  23. sad_old_man's Avatar
    Why complicate life? That's why we love our playbook. Fewer apps and fewer games and with BB10 not updating...fewer functionality. Reminds me of days we use candles.
    You've just made me have a thought! I'll get my own back later but I must let this thought for a new thread fester in my head for a while. Thank you mister ***** cat!
    06-11-13 02:28 PM
  24. FF22's Avatar
    You've just made me have a thought! I'll get my own back later but I must let this thought for a new thread fester in my head for a while. Thank you mister ***** cat!
    Anybody who made you have a thought should be shot or drawn and quartered at the least!
    sad_old_man likes this.
    06-11-13 03:41 PM
  25. sad_old_man's Avatar
    Anybody who made you have a thought should be shot or drawn and quartered at the least!
    Ssshhhhh you I'm working on my thought!
    06-11-13 03:45 PM
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