Did a search and the 3 threads that popped up were really related. So here is the thread for every one to share jokes. I like the short ones so I can send in texts to my friends and fam so ill start it off.
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Dr tells white guy ur wife had triplets, guy says im not suprised, I got a package like a chimney. Dr says well you better clean it cuz ur kids are black
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A blonde woman is flying down the highway. She of course ends up pulled over. The blonde trooper asks her to present her license. Blonde speeder replies "I don't know what that is". Trooper explains it's rectangular and has your face on it. Speeder digs and digs in her purse till she finds her compact, exclaims "This must be it", and hands it to the officer. The trooper looks at it and asks, "Why didn't you tell me your in law enforcement?".
A Blonde brings in a shirt to the dry cleaners & the cleaner says"it'll be ready 2moro." So she says"ty" and the cleaner says "ok come again!" The blonde turns back & says "oh no-its toothpaste this time!"
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A guy n his wife r foolin around..the guy says to her can I *** in ur ear? She says NO! I'll go deaf! So he replies to her- well its been into ur mouth all these years and u still don't shut the *uck up!! 8)
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Mickey and Minnie Mouse were going through a nasty divorce. They were fighting over property and alimony when the judge interrupted the proceedings. He asked Mickey what his reason was for wanting to divorce Minnie... he said isn't she funny anymore? Mickey said no, she's f'ing Goofy.
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A guy with no arms and no legs gets someone to carry him out to the beach right on the shore and set him down. As soon as the other person leaves a hot girl walks up to the man and says "have you ever been hugged?" The man with no arms and no legs says "no" She says "that is so sad" then leans down and hugs him then walks off.
A few minutes later another really hot girl walks up to the man with no arms and no legs and says "have you ever been kissed?" The guy can't believe his good luck! He tells the girl "no" so she says "that is so sad" then kisses him then walks away.
Miracle upon miracle he watched as the hottest girl he had ever seen started coming his way. He's praying she will stop like the first two did. And she does... She stops, leans in real close and asks "have you ever been screwed?" Excitedly he says "no I haven't". She looks down at him and says "you're getting ready to, hightide is coming in".
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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, " If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes". The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your three wishes. Whatever you wish for, your Husband will get ten times". The woman said "Thats ok". For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "Thats ok, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me". So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "Thats ok, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Woman are clever. Don't mess with them!
Attention Female readers: This is the end of the joke for you!!!!! Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male Readers; please scroll down.
The Man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story: Woman are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this.... it only goes to show that woman never listen... now run along and put the kettle on.
Julie called in sick to work all the time. This morning when the phone rang the boss knew it would be her with another excuse. He picked it up and said "What is it now Julie?" She said "I won't be coming in this morning. I have Obese Rectal Glaucoma." The boss said "What the he!! Is that?" Julie said "Well, I can't see my big a** coming in today!"
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I have a diff version of Kangas- i call into work saying I have anal blindness & wen the boss asks wat that is-i say I just can't see my a$$ coming in2 work 2day!
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