[lolreconlol]

Hi,

So as of Wednesday, my girlfriend of one year is going away to school about 8-10 hours away. She found out last week, and she said "Oh I got accepted as a transfer, I'm leaving next Wednesday". I'm a Junior, and she's a Freshman. She said that her parents will fly her home once a month, and I'm going to make the drive there once a month, so each month we'll see each other for about two weekends. She's never been away to school, but she says she wants to stay together no matter what. She also said she doesn't know how long she'll be there (she says she hates the fact that it's 10 hours away), but she said she might be home in a semester or she might fall in love with it. Every time we hug/do anything, she starts crying and says how much she'll miss doing various things (movie nights, etc).

Questions:
1. How can I tell how long she's going to be away? I think I would be fine with a semester, but a year or more I'll really start having trouble with it. I hate to say it, but in a way I hope she falls apart cause the distance and goes to a school a little closer. She's always been this way, goes from one extreme to the next.
2. What are some tips I'll need in order to make it work?
3. What should I expect?
4. If she missed me, would that be enough of a reason for her to come home, or is that why she's flying home once a month and that's enough for her?

Thanks! Hopefully someone has advice.

[msbubblegumx3]

If you want it to work, it'll work.

[thinkamp]

I have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years...we have made it work...

Questions:
1. How can I tell how long she's going to be away? There is no way to tell how long she will be away, you will just have to sit back and see.
2. What are some tips I'll need in order to make it work? Send her random emails, texts and flowers. Send picture messages and skype with each other! Skype helped my relationship a lot.
3. What should I expect? It is going to be hard, but if you both truly love one another then it will work. There are going to be times where you feel so alone and don't know what to do with yourself, but when you feel like that reach out and talk to her, let her know she is missed and you love her.
4. If she missed me, would that be enough of a reason for her to come home, or is that why she's flying home once a month and that's enough for her? She is flying home once a month because she knows she is going to miss you! Don't pressure her to move back if she likes the school, encourage her to get through school so you two can get back to being in the same state again.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions. If you both keep the love alive then it will work. Good luck!

[middbrew]

Great advice babez.

The thing to remember is if you two love each other four years out of the 50 to 70 you will send together really is that much. So, make it work, don't pressure her to move back, and talk a lot. Great advice on the text, Skype, especially Skype or any other video chat.

Good luck.

[Blkbear]

Questions:
1. How can I tell how long she's going to be away? I think I would be fine with a semester, but a year or more I'll really start having trouble with it. I hate to say it, but in a way I hope she falls apart cause the distance and goes to a school a little closer. She's always been this way, goes from one extreme to the next.

I say allow her this time to test the waters away from home. Her education is going to be important to her in her lifetime.

2. What are some tips I'll need in order to make it work?

Allow her to be her own person, you two are not joined at the hip (yet). Call, write, text as often as she is comfortable with. And most of all, remember she has to have a life as well do you.

3. What should I expect?

Expect t find other things to do with you time, so you don't sit around moping about her not being there to do things with. If yiu are going to have a life together once you are both out of school, you will both need to be WHOLE people. Meaning you will have friends and interest, that the other may not share or care for much. And you will need to both be able to entertain yourselves, without expecting the other person to fill that part of you lives 24/7.

4. If she missed me, would that be enough of a reason for her to come home, or is that why she's flying home once a month and that's enough for her?

She is going to miss you, home, her parents, her friends, etc. That is part of leaving home to go to school. That is something she is going to have to find a way to deal with on her own. You can be supportive, but any and all choices about staying or coming home early or later, MUST be hers.

As for coming home once a month going to be enough, it may very well not be, but that is all her folks are willing to pay for, so, any extra trips will be on her or you. And if she has a full load there at school, she may not even make once a month ever single month.

Missing you being in front of her is going to happen, but keeping in touch by phone, text and email will help a lot (or should with many people).

[SCrid2000]

I'm assuming college?
Well, a long distance relationship will help you decide if you really want to be together.

[amazinglygraceless]

1) You can't. You two have to be honest with each other

2) None. It either works or it does not. Once you start thinking in terms of
"making it work" you also on some level have to acknowledge that it is broken.

3) Expect to be without her and get on with living. I'm sure your ENTIRE world
does not revolve around this one woman.

4) Only she knows what is enough reason and you have to take her at her word,
unconditionally and without question.

[12MaNy]

1. You can't. Find a local girlfriend

2. Find a local girlfriend

3. Misery. Find a local girlfriend

4. No. Find a local girlfriend

[LazyStarGazer]

1. You can't. Find a local harlot.

2. Find a local harlot.

3. Misery. Find a local harlot.

4. No. Find a local harlot.

Ya know, there ARE other options. Just sayin...

[powderbanks]

long distance sucks. there's no other way around it. it'll work or it won't. try it, if it does, awesome; if it doesn't...well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. and if it's for college, she'll only have one semester til she's back for the summer, i would assume? so that's what, like 4-5 months from now? not that bad..don't think of it in terms of, 'it's been x days since i've seen you.' think of it more like, 'it's x days til i see you again.' my advice: drink. heavily.

[highjakker]

the best way to insure that she is strong and confident in your relationship is for you to be strong and confident even if you're not feeling it. make sure she believes in you so that you can believe in her. if you're calling her every few hours or texting her and grilling her on what she's doing and who she's hanging out with then talking to you is gonna become a burden and a drag to her. if it's meant to be, it will be. just don't give her any added pressure than she'll already have. man up!!

[lolreconlol]

Thanks to everyone that gave advice so far!

[the_sandman_454]

1. There's no way to know how long she will be away. It is something you both have to deal with. She will be gone as long as she needs to be. Can you remain faithful to her if she remains gone for the rest of her school life?

Consider the idea of this absence in a different context. What if one of you lands the absolute best job ever, or gets a job involving travel but get stuck on a project someplace far away for an extended period, or enlist/get drafted and the government decides they need you someplace else, or any other sort of scenario.

As others have mentioned, you need your own life in order to help carry you through the times when you just can't be in the same area for whatever reason. It is also going to take some of that "L" word. I mean quite a lot of it. Without that, the relationship might fall to the other "L" word between one party and someone in their area.

2. Be yourselves. Be the same people you are when you're together. I assume that's part of why you like eachother. Don't try to "make it work". Trying too hard to remain the center of attention or being jealous or anything like that which may seem out of place to the other person could end up pushing them away. Yourself is never a bad thing to be.

3. Expect less physical contact simply by virtue of distance. Some people are so needy this will make it not work out. Some people can make it past extended time apart just fine. If either of you are the former type, it may well be more difficult for a relationship to last.

Expect to do occasional thoughtful things. Send her some flowers, candies, some little trinket thingy she might like, whatever.

Expect that you are not going to try to pressure her into coming back to your area. Expect that she needs support and comfort from you, not griping about how bad it sucks to be apart. Excpect that if she passes up this opportunity to get her education/graduate from this place because you nagged her to come back, that she may (soon or longer term) resent you for it.

4. She will be coming back for many reasons, if she isn't too busy to come back at all. You need to not be too pushy and try to occupy too much of the precious little time she will have when she's back. She is going to still want to see her family, friends in addition to, presumably, you.

They're going to revoke my man card for hinting at it I'm sure but a relationship built too heavily on physical stuff and having arm candy will likely struggle more through something like an extended absence than one based partially on the physical and having other substance as well.

Good luck, bub. If it's meant to happen it'll happen as long as you stay honest with yourselves and eachother.

[cate]

My boyfriend and I did long distance for 9 months. You just make it work.

[pixel8rberry]

All of the above. It takes two to make any relationship to work, especially the long distance one. Good luck!

[highjakker]

she's gonna need you to be strong for her...stable & confidant! be her rock!! and if she ends up leaving you then take that rock and bash her effin head in!!!!!!

[pixel8rberry]

^ roflcopter! ^

[jlb21]

I would just not make the effort. Way back when coming out of college I tried. It was an: