[Ducks]

I know this is know this is really off topic but, I found out this week that I am Pregnant, This will be my second and my BF's first. He loves my Daughter to death and tells everyone that she is his. He has ever done as far to say that if me and him split that it would kill him to not be able to see her. But I told him that if we did split that i wouldnt keep him from her, that would just hurt her.

But he has started freaking out over this new baby and saying that he doesn't think he will make a good dad, i tried reassuring him by saying that he is already a great dad to my daughter and he is always there for her if she needs or wants anything. He said that in the back of his mind he knows that if he wanted to he could jsut leave me and my daughter and have no bad feelings about it, but after all he has said and done for her i really can't belive that he even said that.

He is scared that we wont have money, but between both of us we make almsot 60K a year and we dont have car payments, only rent, cable, elect, water and our phone bill and my daughters daycare, but he father pay child support that covers most of that.

I know everything will be ok, we jsut need to stop blowing money on stupid things and go ahead adn start saving...

Any advise to help me tell him everything will be ok?
Has anyone else had this happen?

any thoguth period would be great thanks

[shylard]

[QUOTE=Ducks;661490]He said that in the back of his mind he knows that if he wanted to he could jsut leave me and my daughter and have no bad feelings about it, but after all he has said and done for her i really can't belive that he even said that.?
QUOTE]

That right there should let you know he is not husband material. He was okay "playing Daddy" but that didn't have any real consequences if you two didn't work out. Now that he may actually BE a father, it's a totally different story. You can play house all you want, but he just showed his true colors and how he really thinks of you, your daughter, and your relationship.

That statement is enough to get me to...you fill in the blank. I won't tell you what to do, you have to make your own decision and you probably already know what it is. JMHO.

Wish you the best.

[Ducks]

[QUOTE=shylard;661560]

He said that in the back of his mind he knows that if he wanted to he could jsut leave me and my daughter and have no bad feelings about it, but after all he has said and done for her i really can't belive that he even said that.?
QUOTE]

That right there should let you know he is not husband material. He was okay "playing Daddy" but that didn't have any real consequences if you two didn't work out. Now that he may actually BE a father, it's a totally different story. You can play house all you want, but he just showed his true colors and how he really thinks of you, your daughter, and your relationship.

That statement is enough to get me to...you fill in the blank. I won't tell you what to do, you have to make your own decision and you probably already know what it is. JMHO.

Wish you the best.

That is exactly what i thought... he gave no indication and i never thought that he would say something like that. We never planned on getting married we both agree its to much money and we were perfectly happy the way we are ( i guess that is just our beliefs.. )

i talked to some of our friends who i have know longer than him and they couldn't belive that he even said it. Dont get me wrong he is a great guy and i love him to death, but his commetn scared me... I dont knwo weither to take it for exaclty what he said, or if he jsut said it not really thinking about it...

Now all this happened yesterday and today everything seemed fine. He was laughing and playing and was excited about telling his parents, so i dont know what to think... but we will see

[mr.saving]

I would take it with a grain of salt...to know your going to become a father is quite overwhelming....it's a disturbing statement,I agree...but I always thought actions speak louder than words? And obviously his actions speak volumes...just my .02

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[Javaddict]

I would take it with a grain of salt...to know your going to become a father is quite overwhelming....it's a disturbing statement,I agree...but I always thought actions speak louder than words? And obviously his actions speak volumes...just my .02

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I agree I think I vomited when I found out I was going to be a daddy, actually I know I did. I know it's scary for women, but for guys it's like "you know the world you're used to, that's it flying away" would I give up my son? NEVER but it can be scary.

*hugs*

[eeosu]

My first was planned and it was still scarey. I sat there silent for a while with a dumb look on my face. Scared about a second as well, I just feel like I got everything organized.

I don't take surprises like that well. If it was me I would probably get accused of be unhappy by my wife if she didn't know how I am. I probably would not have said what he said though.

Women normally find out by themselves. Men find out with an audience even though it is only one. I know my first reactions can be misread.

What I find myself referring back to in my relationship is that men and women are different. If anyone has seen defending a caveman you will agree. The last seen he are talking about a couples unborn child and the wife is talking about how she thinks her husband isn't excited or unhappy about the baby. In the mean time the husband is out showing his friend the plans and the boards he has already bought that he is going to build for the baby.

You will still need to sit down and talk to him about it but that was a big surprise that got dropped on him. Now that he has had time to process it things may be different.

Good luck and I hope the best. Also I suggest everyone go see defending the caveman it is very funny but also very helpful.

(Sorry for any confusing things that may be in hear it was done with the BB. )

Posted from my CrackBerry at wapforums.crackberry.com

[exelant]

Oh don't make any drastic decisions until you see what he is made of. Comments made when worried or scared are not a reason to do anything. Put him at ease, start planning and include him in a way that won't overwhelm him. Meeting you and your daughter was a known, it was a situation he was able to "fit" into. This is entirely different. Help him get it right. I remember no one ever told me about the worry. It was overpowering for me and I couldn't think right for a while.

The money will work out. You are adding a person to your family and you will adjust your finances, maybe see an investment manager - you don't have to have a lot of money to start a savings fund. This is something that you can add to as you go, the thing is to just start. A good manager will help you develop a budget and see how to plan. That aside, do some things like have him pick out paint for the baby's room and start painting. Let him do some clothes shopping -- and don't laugh at his choices. The point is to include him and not dwell on things that are upsetting.

He'll be OK, give him a chance to be.