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Cupertino, CA and Waterloo, Ontario, Canada today in simultaneous announcements Apple Corp. and RIM Inc. announced a surprise merger. New products are expected under the BlackBerry and Apple Pie logo. “I C cream.” said Richard Head (D!ck to his pals).
Various new products have been pre-announced. RIM’s and old stalwart the Pearl has been resurrected to pay homage to the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie trilogy with the new BlackPearl flip phone that comes complete with an authentic non-working GPS compass that points to nowhere in particular. A Captain Jack Theme completes the product.
Staying with movie tie-ins, we are also announcing the Arni-phone (not available in California). Press release below.
With immediate effect the current iPhone range is phased out to be replaced by the all new CeePeeFone. Specifically designed to support Cut and Paste the new phones only have 2 buttons marked Cut and Paste. “There are no other boring functions like GSM or Internet, just Cut and Paste. We just put in the stuff that our users said they wanted. The new box may not do much but hey, it looks cool and WTH, we’re Apple so people will love the new device and us too.” Grinned Jock Strap as he announced the product and adjusted his pants.
A new handheld device named iStiKU (a weird parody on the Javelin’s name - Stick, Javelin, oh well) will run an all new Operating System that has jointly been developed by both companies and had been named FrootOS and has some truly amazing connectivity tricks and Internet connectivity is now available as a pre-paid option so that it is now possible to have fully on the tabbed browsing experience but, in a weird compromise, only has the ability to paste things but not to copy or cut. “This is in-line with Apple philosophy. We know what you need to copy and will handle this for you. iSTiKU is also fully in-line with Apple today.” Said B. Jobs a fruit honcho.
Many iApple geeks are very excited about the BlackApple brand and to help them integrate with the new brand a “starter-phone” is currently being planned to help those without keyboard skills into the real smart-phone world. Branded the iLeapFrog the new phone has most of the functions of a BlackBerry but with enough simple features and looks so as not to frighten ex-iApple users.
Following the success of the all Canadian Niagra phone RIM have reversed a previous decision to ignore the senior citizens market and have announced the Viagra large screen touch screen phone. “We wanted to help the old guys get up and get smart err, phones.” Said R.Sole, a company spokesman. “It is only 2G but, what the heck, these old folk don’t drive fast so they don’t need a fast phone either. We renamed it so as to remove the Niagra name and its association with falls, whatever. The name we chose should be familiar with most hard-on seniors. Being a touch device, all they have to do is grab their Viagra and they are good to go.”
The Business community has not been forgotten either. Willy Sanker announced that the Curve is being re-branded as the Curvy and there is the new Beautiful (yes, that’s it’s name) phone to compliment the current range thus giving the business user a choice of the Bold and the Beautiful, Curvy handheld units.
OS 5.0 will, when it has less bugs than a rotting log transform the BlackBerry experience or so we are told.
Frequent travellers will want to get their paws on another new product that has a built in electric shaver on the top of the phone. It is, of course called the RAZRBerry.
The Magnum has a new OS too. The .44 release is sure to go with a bang when you trigger it!
In a swipe at the largest on-line Blackberry community, J. SillyBalls said that CrackBerry.com members do not give RIM enough slack. Many of the Moderators, A. Zeus, Blaze, C_e_X, Dear Berry (and we are trying to bring prices down), to mention but a few think that they are demi-Gods. Just look at their names, SillyBalls went on. They seem to think that RIM has lost several spokes or may even have a flat tire. This is not the case. Nonetheless we embrace the on-line community’s fan base and will shortly be releasing a new beta OS, codenamed the BlackBrick that once installed continually bricks the phone thus allowing the dedicated fan to continually upgrade their OS and be happy doing so.
Unannounced but leaked (how unusual for RIM to have leaks) are the RaspBerry (reports of unique ringtones here) and the ultimate addiction phone that really does requires inoculation before you can even touch it, the BlackDeath.
THE ACCESSORY MARKET
A new partnership was announced with teacup covers who will soon be launching a waterproof cover for the Storm, so now you really can have a Storm in a teacup.
A line of new and exclusive add-on parts has been launched by start-up venture Private Parts (credit cards accepted). Robin Banks, CEO said “We make Private Parts for your Berrys.”
A FOOTNOTE FOR MEDIA
iTunes will completely drop all DRM with immediate effect. Given that this will now allow simple and free copying of all media across all devices, the revised service will be named iBlack. Very fitting we think.04-01-09 08:27 AM - I am only responsible for this one thread. Bla1ze did the Storm blog but, Kevin posted itYou got me on that one.
How many of these do you have up your sleeve for today
nicely done.
The blog provoked this http://forums.crackberry.com:80/f86/...action-196046/ thread to be created however and I think it is almost as funny since the OP never clicked the link that gave the game away.
There is another over in the 8900 forum offering OS 4.7.0 for download. It's also pretty funny.04-01-09 09:34 AM
