A faster classic please?

Anyone knows of any plans for a faster classic? Would you be interested in organizing a mass prayer or a petition to Chen?

Notes to Chen:
1. Physical kb must include a green key to answer calls and a red key to hand up calls
2. I don't want it to slide, I will break it if it slides.
3. Keep everything exactly like the existing classic, just add a faster processor. Please. Seriously. It is crazy slow. A much faster processor.
4. If you have to change the software, make it search faster on every key press, like a bloomberg terminal